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Original poster

Boss verbally attacked me

54 replies

Fruitbatdancer · 26/07/2025 23:25

so my boss, (a contractor not perm) in the city, post work drinks the other night, went for me after a few beers, by this I mean he ranted at me, in front of a supplier colleague, for about 5 solid minutes, it was relentless and unprofessional. Be was ranting and raving at volume and in my face at me for not agreeing to something he said earlier, but was mistaken as I did agree! He just wasn’t paying attention! He then ranted some more. Asked if I was telling him how to do his job (I wasn’t) I was crying throughout, but out of shock and frustration rather than scared nor because I’d actually done anything bloody wrong!! I haven’t told anyone at work. DH and Bestie think I should as this bloke has form. (Did this before to a supplier)
i was going to drop it, but i can’t get it out of my head how rude and drunk and agressive he was- especially as was about nothing!! And he now knows that.
he’s so senior and temp, I think work would throw book at him. But I don’t want to be ‘that woman’
what would you do?

OP posts:
boulevardofbrokendreamss · 27/07/2025 02:14

Please don’t be ‘that woman’. Be ‘that person’. He sounds like a twat and would probably be sacked at my firm. Construction / PM by any chance?

if he’s a ‘boss’ but contractor it would highlight this isn’t his first issue. Oh and 4/5 beers / drink problem / whatever no he
cannot behave like that.

Missj25 · 27/07/2025 02:22

Fruitbatdancer · 26/07/2025 23:45

I think I’d super naively thought as he didn’t physically attack me, and it wa just words, maybe it’s ok, but it’s not ok is is. I’m the only female on his team. And it’s all slightly complicated as he also knows and has worked for the supplier so it’s all very political if it blows up. But I can’t stop getting upset about it even now! I’m pretty tough (and senior!) but it was horrific!

Report him OP !
I’m sure your husband wants to deck him !
Do not leave him get away with this , he’s a bully & an asshole, & he needs to see there is consequences for his behaviour..

Mylittlepea · 27/07/2025 03:34

Please don’t hesitate to report. You have witnesses that are prepared to support your complaint.

I speak from experience of having a boss who had a very poor relationship with alcohol who picked fights & arguments with their staff. I was that person who launched the grievance with HR after a particularly shocking incident. They are no longer employed.

good luck OP x

healthybychristmas · 27/07/2025 06:08

You absolutely must report this man. I can't understand why you think physical violence has to be involved for it to be an offence.

Lurkingandlearning · 27/07/2025 06:28

@Enrichetta makes a good point. But I imagine you were off guard as you were in a social setting and having had a couple of drinks may have softened you up. I would definitely tell whoever you report to about this even if there isn’t much they can do about him. At least they will understand why you are not going to spend time with him outside work in future. If that’s what you intend to do. If you really have to go for drinks with him and he starts that again just tell him you’ll give him some time to calm down and walk away

PigletSanders · 27/07/2025 06:58

‘That woman’? Are you serious? I’d take pride in being ‘that woman’ to stop aggression cunts like him.

fluffiphlox · 27/07/2025 07:01

You’d be entirely justified in ‘being that woman’. Do it for yourself and any future people this tosser might manage.

Stripeysockspots · 27/07/2025 07:03

I would report and say you are concerned with his behavior and alcohol issues.

MolluscMonday · 27/07/2025 07:13

You avoid being “that woman” by reporting it factually and professionally. You have to, really. He can’t get away with that.

“Steve shouted aggressively at me in X bar for over 15 minutes. His tirade included the phrases abc, def, xyz. His volume, tone and verbal aggression reduced me to tears (this did not stop him) and were of such a level that B from Company has both reached out to me personally since and escalated it formally in writing to their superiors.

His behaviour was belittling, bullying and entirely unacceptable. In addition, he has caused me distress (both at the time and since), and has caused damage to D Company’s reputation, and for all these reasons, I have no choice but to formalise this complaint to you and request your appropriate support, action and response.”

AgnesX · 27/07/2025 07:30

His behaviour was shocking and unprofessional and in front of a supplier too.

Given that the supplier is willing to support you get that complaint sent to HR (and his line manager if he has one) the minute your bum hits your desk chair tomorrow.

AgnesX · 27/07/2025 07:31

MolluscMonday · 27/07/2025 07:13

You avoid being “that woman” by reporting it factually and professionally. You have to, really. He can’t get away with that.

“Steve shouted aggressively at me in X bar for over 15 minutes. His tirade included the phrases abc, def, xyz. His volume, tone and verbal aggression reduced me to tears (this did not stop him) and were of such a level that B from Company has both reached out to me personally since and escalated it formally in writing to their superiors.

His behaviour was belittling, bullying and entirely unacceptable. In addition, he has caused me distress (both at the time and since), and has caused damage to D Company’s reputation, and for all these reasons, I have no choice but to formalise this complaint to you and request your appropriate support, action and response.”

Edited

Excellent response

TiredofTheirCrap · 27/07/2025 07:44

Men like that exist because we are taught not to be "that woman". Take emotion out of it, and report it as factually as possible. Men would report it.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 27/07/2025 07:57

HelloGreen · 26/07/2025 23:56

Why did you stand still for five minutes?? Next time turn and walk away!

To be fair freezing is a very common shock response. Not always a productive or useful one I agree

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 27/07/2025 07:58

As is attempting to pacify an aggressor

RatherTardy · 27/07/2025 08:20

Throw that book!

IamnotSethRogan · 27/07/2025 08:47

Pretty gross for people to say you shouldn't have cried or that your reaction was in anyway wrong. You had a pretty normal reaction to being verbally attacked out of no where op.

I do think you should report. It's also for the best with regards supplier relations as you don't want them thinking you're a company that tolerates that sort of behaviour.

Did he say anything when he realised he got it wrong ?

Goldenbear · 27/07/2025 09:06

You should report it. A long time ago I had an incident where a male colleague demanded to know why I hadn't done something for him, (in record timing) he rates in the office corridors at me. Tried to explain calmly but he wasn't pleased about that and just followed me back to my office and it was quite isolated and after working hours so I felt very uncomfortable and asked him to leave. He didn't buy then another male colleague who I got on with must have overheard as you couldn't miss it and he asked if everything was ok. It was only then that he left. Pathetic really but I froze and was quite young so didn't really feel i could robustly tell him to back off.

Goldenbear · 27/07/2025 09:07

Goldenbear · 27/07/2025 09:06

You should report it. A long time ago I had an incident where a male colleague demanded to know why I hadn't done something for him, (in record timing) he rates in the office corridors at me. Tried to explain calmly but he wasn't pleased about that and just followed me back to my office and it was quite isolated and after working hours so I felt very uncomfortable and asked him to leave. He didn't buy then another male colleague who I got on with must have overheard as you couldn't miss it and he asked if everything was ok. It was only then that he left. Pathetic really but I froze and was quite young so didn't really feel i could robustly tell him to back off.

He ranted not "rates".

itsgettingweird · 27/07/2025 09:12

You’re not being that woman.

you’re being that person.

The person who reports a colleague for inappropriate behaviour to you and in front of suppliers who also feel the behaviour needs addressing.

Forget the sex of either of you. Whatever sec of perpetrator or victim in this case it needs reporting.

Lafufufu · 27/07/2025 09:19

Fruitbatdancer · 26/07/2025 23:33

He has raised it in writing to his superiors. He was completly horrified, and tried to diffuse the situation. They have told me they will support whatever I want to do next.

Show quote history

What you should want to do next is sent the email 9am monday and ask for an asap meeting with HR.

Sit and listen
Ask what theyd want to happen it your position...

and make clear you want them to follow and execute their procedures for this to its fullest extent. Ie. Terminate his contract

What a bastard - from experience it sadly doesnt stop them but it does make their life a lot harder.

Dolly34 · 27/07/2025 09:51

Why are you reporting into a contractor? Surely that compromises IR35? Your employer needs to ensure you have a proper manager who is an employee, not someone outside of the organisation

Loubylie · 27/07/2025 12:45

He's a liability.
Will cause huge reputational harm to your organisation.
Definitely report.

Iloveloveisland · 27/07/2025 12:53

It's a bit weird that a, supplier would volunteer to get involved in a customer's internal HR issues.

Goldenbear · 27/07/2025 12:55

Iloveloveisland · 27/07/2025 12:53

It's a bit weird that a, supplier would volunteer to get involved in a customer's internal HR issues.

Surely must have been pretty bad then. It is surely the aggression they are responding to. I mean any are women (or men TBF) expected to put up with this because it's a workplace, it doesn't really change the act of aggression.

99bottlesofkombucha · 27/07/2025 13:12

Iloveloveisland · 27/07/2025 12:53

It's a bit weird that a, supplier would volunteer to get involved in a customer's internal HR issues.

Not really. If you saw a woman for a company you did business with being absolutely yelled at while she’s in tears, you wouldn’t speak to their boss?? I would, my boss would, and I’d bloody well expect everyone else senior at my company to, and escalate it.