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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask dd to apologise to her dad?

83 replies

notanothersummercold · 26/07/2025 15:48

Dd put some washing in the machine earlier, tried to then open the door after we specifically said don't try because it won't open which of course it wouldn't as it it had already started - she used quite a bit of force - and it has now broken the machine. DH has spent all afternoon trying to fix it - l have told dd she needs to just say to her dad sorry if l broke the machine - but she is absolutely refusing and sitting crying because she won't acknowledge she had any part in this.

AIBU to expect a 13 year old to know when she needs to accept she has done wrong?

DH is annoyed because she didn't listen when we told her not to touch the machine but is really trying to fix it and hasn't had a go at her or anything like that - l just feel like she should acknowledge it.

OP posts:

somanythingssolittletime · 27/07/2025 23:02

notanothersummercold · 26/07/2025 17:16

No she didn't manage to open it, just broke the handle so we couldn't get it open once it had finished

Show quote history

Have you googled how to force the door open on your machine? Mine has a hidden pull next to the bottom filter that forces the door open. This should allow you to use your machine until the part arrives x

Cherrytree86 · 27/07/2025 23:30

JemimaTiggywinkles · 27/07/2025 18:38

This seems really harsh. At 13 she’s not going to know it’ll break - did you actually explain it to her? She’s too old for a “because I said so” when given an instruction. It is developmentally normal (and good tbh) that teenagers don’t just take their parents’ word for it every time.

She obviously felt bad, so hopefully she’ll apologise for the inconvenience she’s caused her dad but I definitely wouldn’t take her phone to force the issue. And there’s no way I’d require a 13yo to pay unless the damage was deliberate.

@JemimaTiggywinkles

It WAS deliberate!

NeedZzzzzssss · 27/07/2025 23:31

Of course she should apologise. My 4 yo is old enough to know to apologise if they have done something wrong

Original poster

notanothersummercold · 30/07/2025 19:03

We finally got an apology today!! Was a bit lacklustre but it came! Thanks everyone x

OP posts:

TotHappy · 30/07/2025 21:14

Hurrah op! Fwiw you were not in the wrong and some pp were being mental

PersephonePomegranate · 30/07/2025 21:21

Removing the phone - vindictive.
Give over! Vindictive?! OP has said it'll give her time to reflect. That's definitely harder these days with so many distractions.

Often young people don't apologise because they panic then deny or get defensive to avoid feeling bad.

Oh, I agree, if we're talking small children. 13? No, they're okd enough to take accountability, that's just pathetic to excuse it.

AuntyDepressant · 30/07/2025 21:44

notanothersummercold · 30/07/2025 19:03

We finally got an apology today!! Was a bit lacklustre but it came! Thanks everyone x

Blimey, only took her 4 days 😂

listmaker1981 · 30/07/2025 22:08

ExtraOnions · 26/07/2025 17:04

I’m sure she didn’t break it on purpose, and show me the person on here who hasn’t broken something because you didn’t listen properly.. or chanced your arm.

What is it you want the apology for ? Not listening, trying to open the door, not telling the truth ?

I’m pretty sure she already knows she’s done something wrong, without having to ring a bell and shout “shame”

Maybe have a conversation, when it’s all calmed down. Let’s face it, as she gets older she’ll need to feel comfortable coming to talk to you about all sorts of errors and mistakes.. having healthy conversations now, helps with healthy conversations as an adult.

This

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