Husband has become very nasty

[Bluuue0]

I am constantly angry and frustrated, and I often have taken this out on DH. I am getting help from the GP and some online services, and I feel I am making progress. I and my GP believe I am neurodivergent but I'm waiting for official diagnosis.
However, whereas previously my husband would just ignore my moods, he will now react with lots of shouting, swearing and silent treatment. Even after apologising, he'll continue with the silent treatment. I admit it's my fault but I wish he'd be kinder and just let me vent, and help me get better.
I am abit stuck about what to do. It's an horrible environment for our children.
My sister thinks I need to put up with it but I don't know for how long I can.

If you’re always angry & frustrated and taking that out on your partner then I’m not surprised he’s finally snapped and started behaving the same way back really. You can’t treat someone badly, repeatedly, and not expect it to impact the way they treat you.

Nobody can take another person's moods forever OP. He's had enough.

When your children are adults, how would they describe you as a mother? How much of their lives have you been angry and frustrated?

This is on you to sort and from what you're saying, you need to fix it sooner rather than later.

I don't think you should expect him to just tolerate it. Also what if you switched roles here and it was your husband being constantly angry at you. What would your advice be to such a post as yours?

He’s not there for you to vent at? You need to find better ways to channel your anger and frustration that don’t simply involve him being your whipping boy. I appreciate you’re going through the mill but that doesn’t entitle you to abuse the people around you.

so you treat him like shit and are now put out that he’s treating you like shit? What on earth did you expect? I’d shout at you too

Why should he put up with your anger, frustration and moods if you can't put up with him reacting, he's had enough. Do you apologise with kindness every time you shout at him.,

For how long has your DH been putting up with your anger, frustration and venting?

I'm not surprised he reacts like that. Personally I'd throw you out of my house. What gives you the right to rant and rage at him?

How can you criticise his behaviour when yours is worse . Poor man’s probably totally had enough .

I guess OP he has put up with you for so many years presumably. It seems a bit rich that he's suddenly lost patience, is snapping back and it's immediately a problem for you.

I'd treat him with the same tolerance you've expected and enjoyed these past years.

Sounds like he’s finally had enough of your moods OP.

My ex was like this. I used to try and pander him and stay calm, but eventually my mindset changed and I acted like your husband.

So you're angry and frustrated and you take it out on your husband and you wish he'd just let you vent and it's not okay when he behaves the same way back to you. He should just pipe down, is that it? Honestly you sound like an abusive spouse.

Let me guess, you are still constantly angry and frustrated, and taking this out on DH, but you are now expecting that this to be excused by saying you are neurodivergent.
And you expect him to continue 'ignoring your moods' and total lack of respect for him. No wonder he has started reacting.

The Gregg Wallace excuse.

I feel sorry for your children caught up in the mess.

I feel sorry for your kids.
Your husband too but as an adult he could have decided to walk away long before now. I would have tbh. Neurodivergent or not, taking your anger and frustrations out on someone often is going to take its toll.
He’s now biting back and it’s given you a taste of your own medicine and an insight as to how he’s possibly felt for however long this has been going on.

If my DH had spent years being angry and frustrated, I admit, I'd probably start giving it back out.

Frankly, it sounds (not unreasonably) like he's had enough. It's not his job to solely be there for you to "vent" at. Yet when he responds with his own emotions, you expect him to shut up, play nice, and continue to absorb your aggression and foul moods?
You need to concentrate on getting urgent and serious help from professionals.

Living with an angry person is miserable and exhausting. He’s probably reached the end of his Patience.
Is there a reason for your ‘anger and frustration’?
Why do you think he is some kind of emotional punch who should tolerate your anger?

I don't do it intentionally. I just get wound up.

Oof. Your sense of perspective is way off with this, OP.

Your dh has had enough of your behaviour. Your expecting him to be a verbal punching bag and just take it to help you vent but he isn't allowed to react. Your por dh and kids life's and being made intolerable by you. Its you that needs to grow up and change.

duplicate post

However, whereas previously my husband would just ignore my moods, he will now react with lots of shouting, swearing and silent treatment.

With all due respect OP, I don’t think DH was previously ‘ignoring’ your moods, he was putting up with your venting without retaliating. However it’s obviously not sustainable hence him snapping, the silent treatment is probably because despite your apologies, he’s very hurt or psychologically affected to point he is unable to immediately bounce back to his usual self.

Cant you ask your GP for therapy to manage your condition? I think you need to be a little more proactive with this for the sake of all of you. You shouldn’t need to wait for a formal diagnosis for this treatment since it’s something that’s happening now.

Being ND is not an excuse to treat people badly.

I feel for your DH. And your DC having to witness this.

Do you expect him to stay silent and take it? You are abusive and good for him for acting back. He needs to leave.

Been here before and my question is -
Are you taking it out on your children too?
If its a yes, you need to do far more to address this immediately.
it it’s a no then you do have control over it. So control yourself around your husband. No one is there to be your emotional punching bag.

It sounds like you need anger management.