Cried at work, feel pathetic and weak

[Tart306]

Just wish I were a bit more resilient. I worked with a woman i hadn't met before, I could see from the off she wasn't one for making friends/small talk, and that's fine I don't mind.
It's a physical type of job, I've been doing it for 3 years and never had any warnings etc. I've had good feedback.
Anyway she was sighing and tutting, raised her voice at me a couple of times but I just ignored, put my head down and tried my best.
Then there was something both of us had forgotten to do, it was equally our faults and no reason why I should've been the only one to remember.

She shouted at me and I apologised and went to do the thing we hadn't done (which was in no way life or death) and she went 'no, go and do that there, now!!'

I said calmly 'please don't speak to me like that. ' and went to my manager.
I asked her if I'd be able to put with someone else, she said, sorry no.
I ended up crying a little bit, tried to disguise it as best I could but I felt so weak.
The woman caught wind and apologised which was good. Most people are fine and you don't have to be friends with everyone, but I hate being told off like a naughty child and shouted at.
Was I too weak here? I just wish I were tougher.

I just hate that passive aggressive tutting and stuff. It's true everyone has different ways of working and when you haven't worked together before it's hard as some people have very particular ways.

Other colleagues on previous shifts have said I've done great, so surely I can't be that bad?

Yes you definitely need a more healthy perspective that allows you to take other peoples lack of social skill for what it is, and not dissolve in tears and post on the internet about it.

Honestly, colleagues’ behaviour is just something you have to learn to deal with civilly but assertively in the workplace in general, whatever the job is.

Sorry but that's really not helpful, what on earth do you think a forum is for? People can post whatever they want...

It's not right to scream at people and sigh and tut either.

Sorry, but that’s my response and I gave it, what on earth do you think a forum is for?

Some people are just horrible. They feed their own inadequacy by being abusive to others. Ignore and carry on as you were. Part of being good at a job is getting on with others. She lacks this.

I felt like she spoke rudely to residents too so it's maybe just how she is...thanks

Some people show strong emotions with rage and anger, other with tears. Being the latter doesn't make you weak. Nor does being upset at a day of having orders barked at you by an unfriendly colleague. You went to your manager which was the right thing to do. If it happens again, try to address it immediately rather than let it build so it spills over into tears. Practise a stock phrase "You're speaking to me rudely again Debbie. Please stop." for example.

Don’t feel bad! We all have moments where we’re upset.

use it though to recognise when someone has crossed a line and be assertive to put them in their place.

She asked me to lift a morbidly obese resident on my own, I'm not blaming the resident but I wasn't physically able to, and I've already done my back in through this job.
I told her 'sorry but I can't ' and she snapped 'actually, you can!'

Unfortunately idiots are everywhere and managers don't bother with any such stiff. I keep moving jobs until I find some level of normality. My current one is the usual. One old man thought a young man is the bosses ear and mocked, shouted and intimated publicly the young man. Management took to heart though because old man is foreign, young man is English.

Me and few other colleagues had to bear that fucked up environment. If this happened to me and management didn't help, I would be out or would be raising my voice at the abusers ....work is not a place to be abused

Honestly, life is too short for this sort of shit. Money isn't good enough as it is in a physical job, we leave the bad job hoping for a better one, then they wonder why migrants take the jobs or why people just live on benefits.

The lazy assess in hr to please start sorting your abusers out

I was on 'doubles' with this woman. The manager could have easily put someone else on doubles! We've all had training, unless the other staff member didn't want to work with her either.

@DidieRi you think this forum is for being unkind to people?

we all process emotions differently and some people cry while others feel anger. I think crying is healthier than rage. I absolutely hate confrontation but I’ll hold my own, stay calm and respond very professionally… then after I’ll go and have a cry. It’s a cry to let out the frustration and quite normal.

re working with that person again, be cheery and breezy. Light hearted “oh you’re tutting a lot today Brenda, are you okay?” approach. Bit passive aggressive but that’s my style 😂

You can post what you want, and you posted this on AIBU. That’s soliciting opinions. That poster gave their opinion, which I agree with.

She sounds like a right cow!

Good for you

I think perhaps @DidieRi might be the colleague you’re talking about!

Crying is a perfectly natural emotional response, I think people should cry more at work…however, in this case, it would be helpful to put up some sort of ‘wall’.

If you really want to get your point across, when she is rude to you again count to three and ask her to repeat. If she asks why, tell her you have been advised to keep a record of conversations and you want to make sure the record is accurate. If questioned further simply say ‘I am unable to elaborate, now shall we get on with xyz?’

I can tell you from personal experience this is very satisfying! Good luck

I actually think that a brief cry at work after a stressful morning is no big deal. We are so uptight about showing emotion in this country. Dissolving in floods of tears is one thing. But welling up when things are tough is actually a healthy physiological release.

It would help you - for your sake - to build some resilience though. That woman is a bit of a bully and ime they back down the minute you challenge them.

I've met a few like her before and I normally just clam up, keep my head down and just avoid working with them in the future. I've even changed jobs over it! I would love to be very assertive and take it all in my stride.

Shes flouting H&S rules expecting one person to lift that patient. That’s why you have hoists.

My friends mums in daily pain having lifted patients for years without hoists before they had them. Good for you for refusing.

I’d be making sure my line manager knew about that being the cause of the shouting. In case she needs reminder training. She sounds horrible.

YANBU. She was a bitch. It's all very well pp saying you have to be resilient etc., but you can easily be caught on a bit of a bad day and you can't help getting upset. Another day you'd have probably laughed it off. Hold your head up, she apologised, she knows she was mean, it might make her think twice before doing it again.

@DidieRi you started off well in your comments, then it went downhill from there. The OP is looking for a bit of support, not a sodding slap across the face. You just put your tuppenceworth shitey comment in and offered no advice.

@Tart306 I understand from your post you are a carer.
I also get from your post you were doing a double-up with a larger client and needed to work as a team.
Your colleague was an arsehole. I understand that you are looking for advice on how to be more resilient.
You do not have to take responsibility for another persons mood or lack of humanity.
It is all on your colleagues shoulders.
You sound as if you do have good rapport with your clients, and you sound decent. You’re normal. Your reaction was normal to shit behaviour from your colleague.
Believe me, I have a friend who is a carer and she has told me about situations exactly as you have described.
You’re obviously good at your job. Continue as you do. Do not change who you are.
Your colleague apologised. You don’t have to trust them. You can be civil. But leave it at that.
Your client is the most important aspect here. Make a note, privately, and speak to team leader in future if this happens again.
Every single job in the world has colleagues we’d rather not work with. It’s hard. I get it.
Somd you can avoid. Some you can’t.
Get support from your friends and family, and you probably have one or two colleagues who are very supportive.

I’ve cried so many times at work! You feel like a tool, but we’re only human and sometimes frustration, upset, annoyance bubble into tears.

Try not to be to hard on yourself. What would you say to your best mate if this had happened to her?