Cried at work, feel pathetic and weak

[Tart306]

Just wish I were a bit more resilient. I worked with a woman i hadn't met before, I could see from the off she wasn't one for making friends/small talk, and that's fine I don't mind.
It's a physical type of job, I've been doing it for 3 years and never had any warnings etc. I've had good feedback.
Anyway she was sighing and tutting, raised her voice at me a couple of times but I just ignored, put my head down and tried my best.
Then there was something both of us had forgotten to do, it was equally our faults and no reason why I should've been the only one to remember.

She shouted at me and I apologised and went to do the thing we hadn't done (which was in no way life or death) and she went 'no, go and do that there, now!!'

I said calmly 'please don't speak to me like that. ' and went to my manager.
I asked her if I'd be able to put with someone else, she said, sorry no.
I ended up crying a little bit, tried to disguise it as best I could but I felt so weak.
The woman caught wind and apologised which was good. Most people are fine and you don't have to be friends with everyone, but I hate being told off like a naughty child and shouted at.
Was I too weak here? I just wish I were tougher.

No need to be so bloody harsh!!

goodness me. I read the op wondering if she was weak and needed to toughen up and I said, yep, you need to toughen up…….we are all so fragile, walk on eggshells around us please..ok: how could you ask me that question! I’m mortified! I’ll start a thread now about how upsetting your question to me is.

“How could she insult my intelligence like that? Talk about high handed! She thinks she’s Madame Bountiful, policing other people with her holier than thou attitude…. “

Cue twenty posters agreeing about how hoity toity and superior you are… and so it continues.

Op, unfortunately this world is full of unkind horror bags. As you will see some posters on this very thread are nasty just like your co worker. They clearly have unresolved issues and are projecting them onto you. Be kind to yourself and be your own friend. You sound like a nice hearted person x

I’d be asking her who the fuck she thinks she is talking to.

Is she your equivalent in grade or above you?

Stressful morning, @DidieRi ? 🤣🤪

Screw this being resilient. Your reaction was ordinary and you’ve come back from it. Resilience isn’t showing you’ve never taken a hit it’s coming back from it. Personally my form of resilience would be reporting her if possible and making sure she can’t treat others like that if in my power in any way.

There will be a Moving and Handling section within the resident’s Care Plan.
i bet it doesn’t say “one worker to hoik.”

it sounds unsafe. And demeaning for the resident.
if you feel that the care of this resident is unsafe, alert Safeguarding via Adult Social Care ( formerly “social services”)

it’s okay to cry when you feel overwhelmed.

Poor OP, I’ve had situations at work which have made me cry; Sometimes it can’t be helped.
Just go on with a fresh start next time and put it behind you.
However if this becomes a regular thing from this colleague do start keeping a record and, if it comes to it, raise a grievance. Get your union involved if you’re a member or possibly ACAS.
Also, I agree with the PP who said that a morbidly obese resident almost certainly needs a hoist. Again, maybe you should research the rules/guidance on this. Possibly contact the Care Quality Commission about it on the grounds that unsafe handling is a risk to staff but also the risk of the resident falling.

Edited for rogue early return key press!

So you’re in a caring profession, which makes her behaviour all the more unacceptable and your upset more understandable ♥️
Please raise all of your concerns to management - both how she spoke to you, and to the residents.

😂😂😂 I think this is a perfect example of how different people view things differently. You clearly think you’re making a clear point; I however have no idea what you’re on about but I think it’s an attempt to put me down. Maybe.

Well, she is just a grade A stupid fucking bitch, isn't she? You know your limits, and you were doing what you should, respecting them, and protecting both your health and safety, and that of the resident. Sometimes you just don't have it in you to brush off this kind of stupidity, rudeness and hostility, and you must have been on your last nerve after a day of dealing with this kind of person. The work you are doing is hard, physically and mentally, and stressful at the best of times.

I haven't really got any words of wisdom, but a lot of understanding and sympathy. It was something of a running, very darkly humorous joke at one place I worked that we had to book our times for crying in the toilet or stationery room - due to understaffing, overwork, poor work practices and very toxic work colleagues!

Well that was a completely unreasonable request and is contrary to Health & Safety law and I’m sure is against your company policies. Always say no to requests like that, no matter who is asking. I would report her breach of safety rules to your manager as well. You could seriously injure yourself trying to do that, and possibly the resident as well if you had dropped her.

@Tart306 totally ok to “post on the internet” about it, this is why we re here for !

on your OP you can’t really win if you work with a dick, then you work with a dick!

what you can do though, is have your guard up and expect the worse especially from the ones you have a professional formal relationship with. Their dickish attitude won’t catch you by surprise and you ll be ready for either a good comeback or ignoring their pathetic behaviour

you did well either way !

If you think it can be done by a single person ... you feel free to go ahead and do it, I'm not as I beleive it's not health abd safety compliant to do so.

So why didn't you say anything about this to her? I take it that she was not in charge of you, but she acted like she was and you let her. You apologized, although you had nothing to apologize for. She on the other hand had a long list of things she needed to apologize for.

Do you normally let people walk all over you? I am not saying this as an accusation, but if you have a tendency to do this it would be something worth working on, because people like her are everywhere, sadly.

She apologised. That’s pretty big.

Now you need to get over it and accept she is sorry. You have no clue what others are dealing with at any given moment

@DidieRi it appears comprehension isn’t one of your strong points either, is it? 😂

She also has no clue "What I'm dealing with." It's no excuse

Not helpful DidieRi so wind your neck in.

Keep a note of her behaviour towards you and other people, in particular, clients.

Make a formal complaint if she behaves like this again.

Create a paper trail of her behaviour towards you and clients.

Don't be bullied. Yanbu to find her awful.

Nope, not acceptable. Read up on the health and safety policy and advise her to do the same. Know your policies and point out what they say every single time she makes unreasonable requests/demands.

Thank you for the replies I appreciate it.
To answer questions, she isn't a higher grade or in charge, but has been there longer.

I feel better about crying but still wish I could have more of a 'whatever' attitude. I find it hard at work because I'm worried it'll get into an argument or I'll come across like im arguing.

Agree with this totally.
OP if you have injured yourself at work make sure you report / log the incident,

I know care work is high pressure, physically tiring and emotionally draining for very poor pay. It can lead to behaviours like this!