Don't want to go out to dinner with this family member.

[Poodlelove]

They have 2 teenagers who have always sat at the table on their phones.
The mum orders for them as they can't keep their eyes off their phones.
They don't eat all of their main meal but both parents then ask them if they want dessert , and they always mumble " yes".
Then the mother asks them what they want and they don't look at the menu , she reads the menu to them.
They get asked if they want another drink so they quickly drink up their current drink and order another.
To me going out for a meal is a treat but to them it's a weekly thing.I cannot justify spending so much money on a meal , we decide if we are going to have a starter or a dessert , I know it sounds like we are tight but really we don't earn enough to budget for this unless it is for a special occasion.
This family are coming to visit again soon and have invited other people too.Everone is apparently looking forward to it , where as I am working all day ( minimum wage) and dreading it.
Am I being unreasonable?

I think it’s being polite/not an asshole. Why do people find that so difficult.

You can be polite and not tie yourself in knots with made up stories .you can say no without being an arsehole.

Parenting other people’s children is an overreach.

If the OP can’t afford a restaurant meal, she should simply say so.

This.

Sorry we can’t make that, maybe we can meet up the next day just for a coffee without our kids…

I don't think there's enough info given here for us to be able to help much.

For ex. if this is a close family member who you don't see very often, repeatedly turning down their offers to meet up might effectively be severing a family tie. Is that what you want?

Income levels change and bored teenagers grow up. So it's also possible that you'll enjoy these dinners more sometime, maybe sometime soon.

You might like it better with the other people there. Perhaps they find these meet ups unsatisfying too and are trying to improve them by including more people.

And how close of relatives are they?

Also, can you meet up with them in a different way that you might like better, like having them over to your house or whatever?

And, I don't get why you care if the teens are on their phones, unless you're also a teen and feel snubbed by them or something. It sounds like they're quiet and inobtrusive and just don't really want to be there, either.

You also didn't say if the check is split, if you're paying for part of the disinterested teenagers' desserts etc. Or if you just don't think they deserve them or what is going on with that.

Are you bringing anything to the table to try to improve this situation or only silent complaints? Is there anything you can do to improve the meet ups with them?

So, if you explain the situation more, you'll probably get better advice.

Why don't you say something? I'd say there no point as X&Y are constantly on their phone. If your family can't give you a reality check, who can?

Hello to the no on this one

Can't they stay in a hotel and why do you have to pay for it? Cancel and say you have overtime at work

I think these brat teens need to wake up to the real world. They are obviously massively spoilt, by silly over indulgegent parents and don't appreciate the value of money.

l bet a lot of their friends are the same. Like young me only type children
I want, l want, l want. blah de blah.

Just avoid them. They don't sound much fun. Have no respect for anyone and frankly not worth bothering about.

I'd be judging them as well. If you are just going to gawp at your phone all the time you shouldn't be there, you can do that at home. Too many smart-phone-dumb-users in this country, mostly just getting in the way because, like a drunkard, they can't walk in a straight line or have any situational awareness.

I think these brat teens need to wake up to the real world. They are obviously massively spoilt, by silly over indulgegent parents and don't appreciate the value of money. l bet a lot of their friends are the same. Like young me only type children
I want, l want, l want. blah de blah. Just avoid them. They don't sound much fun. Have no respect for anyone and frankly not worth bothering about

What on earth has any of that got to do with OP and dinner though? It falls under the ‘not my circus, not my monkeys’ banner and is the kids parents problem to deal with, not OP’s. None of it has anything to do with OP. The only problem would be if OP had to pay extra because the kids are having an extra soft drink and eating desert, which seemed to cause consternation in the initial message. Fair enough, but that’s easily solved by not splitting the bill, just clarify that up front and there doesn’t need to be this big drama.

OP, I think we need clarification on a few things before we can judge if you are being unreasonable or give advice. Mainly, who is paying? Are you treating everyone, is the bill being split or is everyone paying for themselves?

If you are expected to pay for everyone, either decline or set parameters as to what you can afford before you go out. You can also host them at your home and cook a meal or bring in take-out. You can also suggest leaving the teens at your home or their hotel with take-out while just the adults go out.

If the bill is being split equally, just tell them that you can't afford that and would like to just get a separate check for your meal and only pay for what you consume.

If you are only paying for what you order, then you need to ignore what they order. It is none of your business if they allow their kids to get extra drinks or desserts. People have different parenting around finishing food and getting desserts/drinks. Their parenting isn't your concern.

As far as them being on their phones at the table, just focus on visiting with the parents. The teens aren't interested in visiting and the parents aren't forcing the issue. Again, suggesting the parents leave the teens at their accommodations would fix this, but if they refuse, just focus on visiting with the parents.

Eating with friends, everyone pays for their own and drinks. Why do people find it so hard to say NO THANKS.