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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to advise my daughter that she'd be daft to not put her name on house deeds?

544 replies

User197634 · 26/07/2025 08:54

My DD (20) is planning on buying a house with her bf of 2 years. He has been given a lump sum buy his parents to put down on a house, and my DD mentioned that it would only be his name on the deeds, even though she'll be sharing the bills.

I've advised her that, yes by all means her bf should have a contract drawn up to protect the money he's putting in should they split, but I still believe she should insist that her name goes on the deeds too.

I think she thinks that I'm over thinking things, but I want her protected too. Any advice appreciated

OP posts:
howshouldibehave · 26/07/2025 09:43

It's not just 'the deeds' is it-it's the whole mortgage itself.

What have they told the mortgage company is happening?

Has he applied for a mortgage in his name with his deposit borrowing X amount, based on his earning capacity?

Or is the mortgage based on THEIR salaries and earning capacities?

Goldenpatchwork · 26/07/2025 09:43

He is making purchase. She is renting. She should not contribute to maintenance.

However, he sees her as a very convenient tenant.

Coconutter24 · 26/07/2025 09:43

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 26/07/2025 09:37

She absolutely should not be paying half the mortgage!!

That's what you should be advising against IMO.

If he can't afford it on his own he shouldn't really have bought a house.

Where does it say they are going halves because he can’t afford it? The plan is halves because they both plan to live there

Aspanielstolemysanity · 26/07/2025 09:44

Yanbu. His deposit should be ringfenced and they should both be on the title

But 20 is tremendously young to be getting this serious with someone. Aren't you more worried about that?

TheAmusedQuail · 26/07/2025 09:44

If she's contributing she absolutely needs to protect her investment.

If they stay together and live there for 10 years (or however long), she'll need her share of the equity for a place of her own if they split up.

Shedmistress · 26/07/2025 09:44

Is the bank likely to lend to him on his own without her name on it?

CandyCane457 · 26/07/2025 09:45

You say she is is “planning on buying a house with her boyfriend” but it doesn’t really sound like she is… I’m reading this more as HE is buying a house. And she is moving in. That’s two different things. They are not buying a house together are they? Even if she is contributing to the mortgage it is still his house that he has bought with his parents £60k deposit. I see where you’re coming from that she will be contributing toward the mortgage and bills so you want her to have some sort of ownership over it, but I think he’d be daft to do this at such a young age. They should just see it as she is his tenant, and maybe reassess in a couple of years when they’re a bit older.

ArkaParka · 26/07/2025 09:46

OP your daughter and her bf need to take advice from a solicitor. There are a few options to protect everyone:

  1. he buys the house, he pays the mortgage, they split the (non-mortgage) bills, she stays off the deeds, if they split or he dies she has no entitlement to the house;
  2. they buy together, split the mortgage and bills, are tenants in common so that if one of them dies the other doesn’t automatically inherit the whole house, his deposit is protected with a declaration of trust. In this scenario she is on the deeds and mortgage and if they split she gets her share of the house;
  3. he buys the house, they split the mortgage but with a tenancy agreement in place re her half so that she pays her way but has no entitlement to the house if they split. He has to pay tax on her ‘rent’.

The decision is going to depend on how secure the relationship is and how financially intertwined these people want to become. A few things to note:

If the relationship ends in a marriage, this property will become a marital asset so your daughter would ultimately own it anyway, regardless of whether her name is on the deeds now.

if they split, it makes things much messier if they own the house together. Both will continue to be liable for the mortgage even if one isn’t living there any longer. If the house has to be sold during a fixed term, early repayment charges are hefty. It will be a mess.

If it were me, I would be looking to Option 1. This needs to be formally agreed before the property is purchased/your daughter moves in.

What your daughter must NOT do is contribute towards the mortgage or any upgrades in the house UNLESS her name is on the deeds. She will then be acquiring a beneficial interest in the property but will almost certainly have to resort to a court claim to recover it.

The most important thing is that all parties agree to and understand the implications of any arrangement in advance.

AbzMoz · 26/07/2025 09:46

I didn’t read the full thing but it could be worth considering the first time stamp relief and/or LISA if she could own and save up for her own property in future. This might give you a diff perspective on this transaction.

It might make most financial sense to determine a reasonable rent contribution alongside some future contracted commitment that eg if they are still together at 25/upon marriage she gets formally added to the deeds. I don’t think 50/50 is a fair split for the mortgage fees - is his mortgage calc inclusive of her income? Does he have income protection so she doesn’t feel like she’s on the hook for his property if he loses his job?

tripleginandtonic · 26/07/2025 09:46

Yabu unless she's contributing to the mortgage.

Optimist2020 · 26/07/2025 09:46

She needs to have her name on the deeds if she is contributing towards the mortgage payment and he needs to protect his deposit .

AnSolas · 26/07/2025 09:47

everythingthelighttouches · 26/07/2025 09:34

Yes, sorry, I don’t necessarily mean market value rent.

I just mean an amount they agree together that is fair that covers her half of bills and yes, potentially some money towards the house because she would be paying rent elsewhere ?

There must be some middle ground between him effectively saying “do you want to come and live with me in my house” and jointly buying a house together via a mortgage you’ve taken out together? Either of these options are fine to of course.

Doesn’t a lodger pay “rent” beyond just bills?

Show quote history

Yep but sex is not expected as part of that deal.
🤣

They need to have a long talk about where they see the relationship going.

He is choosing to enter into a fixed long term contract and is not looking for her to carry any of the cost nor gain any benefit or half the cost with no benefit. .....

Tauranga · 26/07/2025 09:48

If he puts in 60k, and your daughter nothing....
His money should be earning, and he would want more that 60k back if it were ringfenced.

Eg he'd make 3k per year in a rubbish 5% bank

WimbyAce · 26/07/2025 09:48

They can buy as tenants in common and then stipulate % of ownership. The solicitor will advise them of this.

Nosleepforthismum · 26/07/2025 09:48

No way to paying half mortgage and bills without being on the deeds. He can protect his deposit.

Lovingbooks · 26/07/2025 09:50

User197634 · 26/07/2025 09:36

I'm surprised there's so many replies already!

To clarify, my DD WILL be paying half the mortgage and the bills, and for the upkeep of the house
I wouldn't expect her to go on the deeds if she was only paying a few bills, she'll be sharing everything equally.

Her bf has been given £60,000 towards the house, which, as I've said, I expect that he should have his money protected. I'm not trying to do him over on my DD's behalf!

Easiest solution would be joint purchase as tenants in common and joint mortgage with a solicitor drawn up deed of trust setting out on event of a split he has 60,000 your DD x amount if she puts up any money towards deposit, future costs including the mortgage agrees to be 50/50. Yes from your new update it does sound like your daughter needs to be on the deeds if she is paying a mortgage. If he is not willing to a fair agreement you daughter needs to consider what she should do as she would be paying towards the bills but not have any gain from the property and he could chuck her out at any time without a tenancy agreement (it doesn’t sound like he wants to make things formal)

saraclara · 26/07/2025 09:50

She should not be paying half the mortgage without being on the deeds.

My DD lived with her ex who bought a home in his own right. They agreed that she would pay half the bills but nothing towards the mortgage. When they split up after two or three years, it meant that she'd been able to save towards her own deposit for a house.

Her next and present partner moved into the house that she bought, under the same arrangement. But when her mortgage came up for renewal and they saw themselves as fully committed to the relationship, his name went on the mortgage, he paid half, and her deposit and investment at that point was legally ring-fenced.

everythingthelighttouches · 26/07/2025 09:52

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 26/07/2025 09:40

Ok well if they've decided to buy this house together then that's a very different story and yes, they absolutely need to get a legal agreement written up and her interests need to be protected.

Yes but we need clarity on this point too.

Have they decided to buy this house together?

Have they made that choice, gone out house hunting together?

Did they take out a mortgage together or did he in his own right?

Basically, I’m asking whether she really wants to make this commitment or is she only thinking of this because the opportunity has presented itself.

Anyway, no way should she be fully contributing to someone else’s house including mortgage and upkeep/improvements without being named on both the mortgage and the deeds.

RantzNotBantz · 26/07/2025 09:52

I would be less willing to give my Dc £60k to put a 20 yo Dp on the Deeds.

It isn’t just the imbalance, it’s that if they split (and honestly a relationship of 2 years, started at 18 is hardly a guaranteed long term fixture) it is such bad value. Both go into the next purchase as second time buyers, buying and selling is very expensive, equity takes a long time to build.

If they do but together it needs to be with a Tenants in Common deed that protects Gus £60k not as a cash sum but as a % ownership of the house, and then they own any equity in the mortgaged % between them.

There might not be any for a long time. Early mortgage payments are mostly interest.

Ddakji · 26/07/2025 09:52

So she’s paying him rent? I don’t get why that should mean she has to be in the deeds, she’d been paying rent somewhere anyway.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/07/2025 09:52

In what sense is she buying it with him? If she doesn't have a deposit and she's not on the mortgage then she can't afford to buy a property and the fact that he can is none of her business. Presumably if he wasn't in a position to buy a house, they'd be renting.

Imagine the roles were reversed and your daughter had a substantial deposit to buy a property. Would you advise her to just give half of it to a boyfriend of two years? No, of course not.

What she should do is ensure a fair split of contributions towards the household bills (i e. she shouldn't be paying 50% if he earns twice as much as she does), save money in her own name each month, and be extremely careful not to get pregnant or do anything to reduce her earning capacity in any way unless they get married first. Which they also should not rush into at their age.

The point is not to put yourself at financial risk for the sake of a partner who doesn't truly share finances with you. If she had a baby with him and was living in his house whilst on statutory maternity pay or not working, doing all the childcare and housework whilst not being able to better her own financial position, and they weren't married and she wasn't on the deeds, you would have a point. But they're 20, it's a relatively short relationship, his house purchase is not really anything to do with her, and she isn't putting herself at risk or losing anything by living in it.

Almostwelsh · 26/07/2025 09:53

If she's paying towards the mortgage, her name should be on the deeds, although the boyfriend can ring fence his deposit legally by buying as tenants in common with proportional shares in the property reflecting their input.

If she's not on the deeds she should pay her share of the bills excluding the mortgage and should put no money into things like house renovation or decorating. This will mean she pays less than him, but that's correct as he is the one with an increasing asset, not her.

She shouldn't pay him "rent" in my opinion. If he wants that, he should get a lodger.

She should not have a child without either getting married first, or discussing alternative financial arrangements. She should also keep reviewing this arrangement if they are still together in 5 years or so. She doesn't want to drift into a situation where she has nothing if they split when they have been together a long time. She should at that stage have plans to either marry him, buy a house of her own, or they should move to a larger house that she does have financial and legal input into.

marshmallowfinder · 26/07/2025 09:53

Spotthering · 26/07/2025 09:31

If only the laughing emoji was still here.

Show quote history

Why? No need to laugh. It's an important thing to get right when you're communicating in writing. Brought is the past tense of bring and has nothing to do with purchasing.

Lollypop267 · 26/07/2025 09:53

They should have it in both their names and do a deed of trust for the deposit money so he gets that back. If he's not willing to do that then that's a red flag.

Firefly100 · 26/07/2025 09:53

She really needs to be given some financial home truths to protect herself. If she is not on the deeds, she is NOT buying a home - she is enabling her boyfriend to accumulate an asset alone at her expense.
If she is on the mortgage but not the deeds - she is insane. WHY?
If he / his parents won’t countenance her being on the deeds even when ring fencing his deposit then for her own protection she should not move in unless it is on a lodger type basis - significantly less than bills + half mortgage. HE buys everything for the home, does all home works etc and she is sleeping there temporarily. She can then hopefully continue to save to build up her own assets. Personally at 20 this I think is the most sensible way forward however I strongly suspect BF is relying on her to fund his mortgage.