Page 17 | AIBU to advise my daughter that she'd be daft to not put her name on house deeds?

HowAmYa · 27/07/2025 10:20

how long have they been together?
why can’t he buy without a joint mortgage?
Because ultimately she’s giving up her first time buyer status to join in on a property that she hasn’t paid a deposit towards nor will she be on the deeds. It sounds more like he wants to get a nicer house with a mortgage that is only coverable by two people. Sounds quite disastrous.

in this instance I’d advise your DD to not go on the mortgage and save her first time buyer status.

thepariscrimefiles · 27/07/2025 10:36

soupyspoon · 27/07/2025 10:03

No, Im saying the complete opposite, Ive been helpful, it may be helpful to other posters, OP posts in AIBU, hence people will comment about whether she is, not just in terms of the question but other things. She absolutely isnt obliged to do anything she doesnt want to and neither am I.

Im wondering about the definition of vitriolic. What vitriol have I displayed exactly?

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Maybe 'vitriolic' was an exaggeration but you have certainly scolded OP in a very patronising, finger wagging fashion. You have told her that her OP was 'dire', called her over sensitive and told her to 'step away' from her own thread. It has come across as very unpleasant.

CandidLurker · 27/07/2025 10:53

User197634 · 27/07/2025 09:18

I agree with you that some relationships last the distance. I'd prefer my DD to go out and experience life more whilst she's young, but ultimately all I want is for her to be happy, and will try and give her as much advice as I can in whatever she chooses to do.
DD isn't in the position to put down a large chunk of money too, but works full time in a secure job and intends to pay he share, whilst understanding that her BF needs to have his deposit protected.

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This would be my main concern too. Your daughter has had very little life experience at her age. Many people are very different at 30 to what they were at 20.

at this stage and for a few years yet they won’t really be paying much off the capital. They will largely be paying interest. And if house prices were to go down she could be buying into a loss. So she doesn’t really have much at risk financially if the relationship breaks down in the first few years. In fact she would be able to walk away with any money she’s saved. It’s very unlikely she would be missing out on some huge profit based on house price increases and equity (outside of the £60k which isn’t hers anyway).

i think a better time to buy in would be a few years down the line.

but as you say ultimately it’s her decision, you can only suggest what the different options may be

GAJLY · 27/07/2025 12:11

When my fiance and I bought our first house together he had a £20,000 deposit. We went to the solicitors and asked them to ring fence his deposit, this meant he was protected. I was automatically named on the mortgage and deeds because I was paying jointly.

usernamealreadytaken · 27/07/2025 12:25

Livelaughlurgy · 26/07/2025 14:21

My DD (20) is planning on buying a house with her bf of 2 years

@User197634 when you started your post with this, you should have clarified that you meant it to be taken literally. Because everyone has assumed when you said "my dd is buying a house", what you actually meant was my dd's bf is buying a house 🤣 14 pages later and still "it's not your dd buying a house".

Perhaps you didn't read OP’s posts; “I'm jumping ahead a little, they've seen one or two houses they like and although they've not applied for a mortgage as yet, they are planning to together.” If DD is applying jointly for the mortgage, then she is jointly buying the house. BF can have his deposit ringfenced and protected, but the house will be jointly owned.

Livelaughlurgy · 27/07/2025 12:39

usernamealreadytaken · 27/07/2025 12:25

Perhaps you didn't read OP’s posts; “I'm jumping ahead a little, they've seen one or two houses they like and although they've not applied for a mortgage as yet, they are planning to together.” If DD is applying jointly for the mortgage, then she is jointly buying the house. BF can have his deposit ringfenced and protected, but the house will be jointly owned.

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That's my point, she literally opened her post saying my daughter is planning on buying a house with her bf and 14 pages in people are still saying he's buying the house solos. She's been accused of drip feeding that they're buying it together, and it's literally the first line of the op.

NoMoreLifts · 27/07/2025 12:40

Ddakji · 26/07/2025 09:52

So she’s paying him rent? I don’t get why that should mean she has to be in the deeds, she’d been paying rent somewhere anyway.

If she was renting she presumably would have her own room, be a signotory on a legally binding contract, and not be having sex with her landlord.

soupyspoon · 27/07/2025 12:43

thepariscrimefiles · 27/07/2025 10:36

Maybe 'vitriolic' was an exaggeration but you have certainly scolded OP in a very patronising, finger wagging fashion. You have told her that her OP was 'dire', called her over sensitive and told her to 'step away' from her own thread. It has come across as very unpleasant.

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And as anyone is, she is free to report those posts if she so wishes. I suppose if someone starts a thread, as many do, and as many of us comment on and point out over loads of threads, without the right information or misinformation they're going to get old that. If thats viewed as scolding or patronising, thats not my problem.

Autumnnow · 27/07/2025 12:46

I'll never understand the vitriolic responses to genuine enquiries for opinions and advice. This seems a very reasonable post.

I don't agree that he's buying a house that she will live in if she's paying half of the mortgage.

IMO your instincts are correct, he should legally ring fence his deposit (and protect the percentage it represents of the value of the property as it rises) and she should be on the deeds if she's paying half of the mortgage. I assume being named on the mortgage and not just contributing to bills will give her some protection. All of this needs to be discussed with a solicitor before things progress.

blubberyboo · 27/07/2025 15:41

AnSolas · 26/07/2025 13:24

My point is that the DD can be on the hook foe the full loan and not be on the deed.

DD is an adult and will be bound into the contract with or without legal advice. The onus would be on her to prove to the court that she did not understand what she was signing or that she was coerced etc.

What the bank want is a quick cheap easy court process to be able to sell the house and attach any shortfall to the contracted parties (DD and BF). Which is why banks normaly also require proof of the origin of funds and letters from connected adults confirming they have no claim to the property.

As part of the loan application DD would be required to confirm she was not making any legal claim on the house.

The bank want the DD to have a solicitor in that type of arrangment because the client for the purchase of the property is the BF not DD.

The BFs solicitor themselves give the bank undertakings about transfer of the money and the title transfer etc on behalf property owner. They give no undertakings on her behalf.

His solicitor can not act on behalf of DD as DD and BF have divergent legal needs and they are not allowed to act against the BFs interest. There is the potential for error where DD thinks that the solicitor works for her too.

The solicitor being obliged to inform the bank is to reduce a possible fraud by the solicitor/BF where DD is knowingly not added to the deed.

The loan stands independent of the property purchase so fraud against the bank or against DD by the BF could still leave her on the hook to repay all the money.

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The bank want the DD to have a solicitor in that type of arrangment because the client for the purchase of the property is the BF not DD.

Your post is a muddle

If you are arguing that she might be on the loan but not the deeds then THEY ARE BOTH CUSTOMERS OF THE LENDER

So what are you actually talking about here?

In such an arrangement they are both customers of the lender and the lender has the same duty of care for both.
If they instruct her to take independent legal advice then she will be fully versed as to the risks and if she has any sense won't agree to it.

I don't believe this is what is happening here as OP has never mentioned independent legal advice. I suspect DD has just been asked to sign an occupier consent form

blubberyboo · 27/07/2025 15:43

But we still await OP clarifying exactly what paperwork her DD has signed or proposes to sign

WTF987 · 27/07/2025 15:45

If she's not on the deeds, then she shouldn't be on the mortgage or paying the mortgage. She can halve the bills but if he wants it to be his house, then his house it is.

If he wants her on mortgage then she's also on the deeds with a deed of trust protecting his deposit.

PloddingAlong21 · 27/07/2025 16:50

It’s all good everyone saying “tell her not to do it?”. However, she’s 20 and knows best so will do what she wants to do. OP is best considering advice to protect herself (and the bf) so if they do split, it’s an easy and fair one.

I was mid 20’s when I moved in with my bf. He already owned a house that he had bought with £50k inheritance as a deposit. I ended up going on the deeds and contributed £10k. We wrote in that if we were to split, he would get £50k, me £10 and we would split any equity if price went on. That was the fair and right thing to do to protect his inheritance and also allow me on the deeds. Inevitable we are now much older and once we married/had kid/moved house that all got forgotten about in future mortgages and all is equal.

Write the deposit into the contract - gives everyone peace of mind (his parents also).

FluffyBenji23 · 27/07/2025 17:45

After several disastrous failed relationships among young people I know, I'd say to anyone don't do this!! One young man lost most of the money he put into his London flat after he and his gf (who were not married) split acrimoniously. Either buy on your own, or only with a husband/wife or Civil Partner. Otherwise your investment is not protected...

sunniedee · 27/07/2025 17:47

User197634 · 26/07/2025 10:14

So you're basically saying that my DD should pay for half the mortgage and all the bills, (even though bf's money deposit would be protected), and have no say in anything ? Or be thrown out with nothing if they split?

What happens if the house they decide to buy doubles in value? Should she not be entitled to a fair share of the equity if she's been paying half of everything for a few years?

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They need a “deed of trust” - it will protect the £60k he is putting in and then they split the remainder from the sale of the house (if they split)

MellowTiger · 27/07/2025 17:53

If the property in going to be mortgaged (which you imply it is by saying he has a lump sum rather than buying it outright) then it’s not your daughter decision to make. If she’s on the mortgage then the lender will want the house in joint names, but if she’s not on the mortgage, the lender won’t allow someone to have another claim on it.

AlexisP90 · 27/07/2025 18:00

Absolutely if she is paying the mortgage and bills.

Just get a solicitor to add a clause that says when/if the house is sold he gets back his deposit before anything else happens or is divided.

Very common i thought? We did this when me and my partner bought a house. My deposit was much higher so we just got it written in to the contract

pipthomson · 27/07/2025 18:13

I think they may need to make wills to be sure that any contribution is protected
i think something like a deed of covenant may provide protection
what happens if they split I think they need proper legal advice have you tried C.A.B

Coastgirl22 · 27/07/2025 18:18

It’s very normal to have this situation - a deed of trust is drawn to recognise his initial contribution as a percentage of the property value and they register as tenants in common with land registry with corresponding percentage of ownership - purchasing solicitor will do this easily

JDP60 · 27/07/2025 18:24

If she is contributing nothing to the purchase of the properties and if her income is not being taken into consideration in obtaining the mortgage, there is no entitlement for her to go on the deeds, or the mortgage. Basically she will be paying rent and her share of the bills, he is in effect her landlord.

Vevevoom · 27/07/2025 18:26

LeavesOnTrees · 26/07/2025 09:01

They can get a declaration of trust to protect his deposit. Will she be paying towards the mortgage or just the bills ?
I imagine his parents will be wanting to protect their son's deposit.

This

Sennelier1 · 27/07/2025 18:27

If she pays half of the mortgage then she should be on the deed. (Helping to) paying of the mortgage means the house becomes yours over the years, it would be illogical for her to pay off on a property that will never be hers. If her BF doesn't put her on the deed then he should pay off the mortgage on his own. That way the property stays his and his alone. In that case they can still share livingcosts like utility bills and groceries. He could then ask her to pay him a reasonable rent for living in his house - a rent comparable to what your daugter would pay to a landlord - so nót half of the mortgage.

MumBrain23 · 27/07/2025 18:31

User197634 · 26/07/2025 08:54

My DD (20) is planning on buying a house with her bf of 2 years. He has been given a lump sum buy his parents to put down on a house, and my DD mentioned that it would only be his name on the deeds, even though she'll be sharing the bills.

I've advised her that, yes by all means her bf should have a contract drawn up to protect the money he's putting in should they split, but I still believe she should insist that her name goes on the deeds too.

I think she thinks that I'm over thinking things, but I want her protected too. Any advice appreciated

Hi OP,

Yes, she should have her name on the deeds.

If they’re buying a property worth 4.5 times their salary or deposit eg:

£60k x 4.5 = £270k

Then he has put down a deposit that is 22% of the house’s value. Going forward, they can earmark 22% of its future value as his and the remaining amount to be split 50-50 if they ever separate.

After all, if he loves her and doesn’t want her money to go down the drain then he will act as the majority shareholder instead of the exploitative landlord.

hdksolxveu · 27/07/2025 18:33

It doesn’t sound like they’re buying a house together. He’s buying a house and she will be a lodger/tenant. She shouldn’t be paying for the upkeep of the house – that’s nuts.

They’re so young; I wouldn’t be encouraging to get her name on the deeds.

Murdoch1949 · 27/07/2025 18:35

You are entirely correct that your daughter should share the mortgage & name on deeds with her bf. It will be straightforward for his deposit to be protected, that frequently happens. If it it to be THEIR house she needs to share everything, just not be his route to getting HIS first house. I would talk to them both about it, explaining how he can protect his deposit and share the house with your daughter. Without your daughter's financial input he would be unable to buy the house, they need to recognise this. The trouble is that your daughter, with rose tinted glasses on, will be thinking that her lovely bf would never, ever do the dirty on her, and that she doesn't need to protect herself.