To think “nice guys” are often just predators who haven’t had the chance yet?

[BeBusyBlueOrca]

Some of the most manipulative men I’ve met were soft-spoken, sensitive and fake feminist allies.

Predators come in all shapes and sizes. So yes some of the time youre right.

Nice guys only really appear nice cos we are probably used to arseholes so by virtue if not being a complete arsehole they are immediately elevated to " nice guy" chances are they just arent as bad.

But yeah most the " nice guys" ive met are just waiting until you are hooked enough to not go running when the true colours show.

'Nice Guys' are creepy, entitled misogynistic aseholes who think if they pretend to be nice, you owe them access to your vagina.

Their rage when denied is scary and the whole NG act goes pooof

My ex was described by all his work colleagues at the first Xmas works do of his that I went to that he’s ‘a good guy who’ll take care of you’ like really falling over themselves to let me know and really happy he had met me.

Quite scary really as these guys genuinely believed him to be a nice guy. In fact he turned out the opposite. Not violent to me but just mean, undermining, suspicious and cross all the time unless you gave him 24/7 attention.

You can see how those unfortunate women that experience DV in the home, are so demoralised and feel impossible to be believed that something bad caused by DH is going on as my ex was charming, handsome and just scary how he can just flip from one emotion to the other. No one believes they’re not ‘good guys’ 😬.

Are you saying you saying there are no nice men in the world?

If you are then YABU

That might be your experience but a lot of women can tell you about a lot of men where this doesn’t apply.

Anyone who tells people they are a ‘nice guy’ is not.

Always watch out for the 'quiet' ones, male or female......

I think you do not understand the difference between a Nice Guy and a guy who is a nice person.

Nice Guys are anything but. They absolutely are, all of them, horrible little bastards who think they are owed sex.

They are not the same thing as nice guys / chaps / men / blokes, who are just perfectly normal, ordinary, pleasant men. My husband and my sons are all nice guys. They are not Nice Guys.

Nice Guys are a subset of Incels.

When women talk of them, we are not talking about nice, normal, pleasant, good to be around blokes. We are talking about a specific type of person who has a specific set of behaviours and mindset.

Fucking hell let's all just pack up our bags and go home what's the point in being nice to each other when we're clearly all predators in waiting 🙄

She clearly didn’t say that.

I however am very happy to say that I find most men are not good guys. I say this based on my experience of being a gender non-conforming woman who’s worked in male dominated environments for decades. When you’re basically invisible to them as a woman the mask comes off. You see the misogynistic behaviour on the daily.
“Surely not my Nigel” you might cry. Yes, even your Nigel.

Nice guys are just using weasel ways to manipulate their way to vulnerable women. Seen it over and over again. At work, with other people I know, online, all over the place. It’s predictable at this point.

Well yes, there are times and places where that would be the best thing to do. Thanks for being so reasonable about it.

Well that's exactly what they say tbh.

You are nice because you are nice . Its what you believe the right thing to do is. Not for reward. Not so others like you .

Blaming other people for not applauding you for being nice amd using that as an excuse to be an arsehole or storm off/sulk is a very incel thing to say

I dont think all nice guys are predators in disguise, but I do think a lot of very bad men use the disguise of new age, sensitive or pro female men. They can be hard to spot.

I think this is down to the naivety of people who judge others on a ‘nice’ facade instead of really being curious about what people - male and female - are like behind the mask.

It’s this nativity for example, which allowed the Catholic Church to get away with abuse - people thinking that upstanding men of God would never do something so heinous.

If you judge someone as ‘nice’ without actually knowing what they’re really like behind closed doors, in all situations, then that’s your own lack of discernment.

Crime Junkie life rules number 1- you never really know anyone. Ever.

Well if there are no nice men in the world and even the nice ones are waiting to be predators maybe I will move out of my loving home that I share with a wonderful man, with 15 years of no incel behaviour, a man that respects his mother and sister and all the women we know. Maybe I should give up on my 4 year old son because he will become a predator one day.

Maybe I should forget about all the wonderful men I have met and been friends with in my younger days that had beautiful respect and care for women and taught me high standards of love and kindness in romantic and friendship relationships.

If you judge someone as ‘nice’ without actually knowing what they’re really like behind closed doors, in all situations, then that’s your own lack of discernment.

I think you are missing the point. It really about how people judge themselves. I have met a few men who are very invested in their nice guy persona and it is only when you see them over time and in different situations you see their underlying assumptions and beliefs.

I posted on a thread last week about some men in a group I belong to who really struggle with a woman having an opinion. They are all 'nice' and I think they would be horrified if they realised how sexist they are and how not nice that makes them. But their actions repeatedly show deep prejudice. So instead of seeing what they are doing, they project it onto any woman who does not act the way they think she should.

My man told me he 'knows how to treat women'. And he's right, he does! Takes me out for meals, day trips, cinema and theatre. Buys me presents - a TV, a Tomtom, a laptop, shoes... He's kind and gentle, makes me laugh, patient, attentive. I like being treated like a woman. And we've been together five years! ❤️

I'm currently divorcing a "nice guy". To all around us, he's amazing: charismatic, funny, life and soul of any party. He takes a roast down the road to a little old lady every time he makes one. He goes to church and makes out he's the ultimate Christian. Everyone sea him as eccentric but absolutely lovely.
Behind closed doors though, he has cheated 3 times (and blamed me for each one), swears at me, calls me names, mimics my facial expressions and spends his time doing whatever he pleases whilst I do all the work and childcare at home. He involves his mother in everything and I am regularly accused of being a narcissist or cheating myself. I am not allowed to get on with my work as I have to look after the children.
He does not care if I get upset (I shouldn't be so selfish to expect to be a priority to him) and he has little interest in our child. He makes remarks about my appearance, hates my family (who do loads for us) and is unkind about my friends. He expects unwavering devotion from me, but can't be bothered to ever help me out.
He finally left in the spring (after leaving every year for the last 3 years) completely abandoning us. He wouldn't even answer a call from our son. He wanted to come back, but enough is enough. My confidence was so low and I've needed counselling to pick myself up from this.
It will take me a long time to trust a man again, as he appeared so genuine and loving to begin with. Appearances can be so deceptive.

She is specifically talking about “Nice Guys”, not men in general

Why are you not getting it?

Nice Guys are a subset off men who believe that they are obligated sex if they are nice to women, the niceness is just a facade. Not to be confused with seventy men who are nice with no expectation.

👏👏👏

If only that actually happened more often. The world would be a much better place.

No, there are some very good men, raised by independent, empathetic, kind parents.
Editing "nice guys," is in the sly, pity party type, yes.