To think “nice guys” are often just predators who haven’t had the chance yet?

[BeBusyBlueOrca]

Some of the most manipulative men I’ve met were soft-spoken, sensitive and fake feminist allies.

Why is that?

But if Nice guys are obviously not nice guys then why call them Nice Guys? Isn't that just confusing? It makes it sound like being nice (as opposed to Nice, I suppose) gets you labelled as Nice guy so all guys might as well pretend to he arseholes, including the actual arseholes of course?

Could we call them pseudo nice guys? Or maybe mice guys? (No offence to mice.. maybe lice guys?)

Because they often have a reputation for being nice and you may often see them doing really nice things. So for example, it might be the guy talking quite frankly about the perils of toxic masculinity and calling out men who display it. However, he does this to appear safe and allied with women and it doesn't change the fact that he is an emotionally abusive partner when in a relationship. Or it doesn't change the fact that the rare times he is criticised for some form of sexism or other prejudice/ignorance, he lashes out just like the men he calls out.

His whole identity is based around the idea that he knows it all and doesn't need to learn any thing new.

I'd urge you to avoid anyone who proclaims to be nice, sensitive and a feminist ally, so you're not wrong.

I like people who are kind and whose values and actions consistently show their good nature.

There’s no “private club.” It has been a commonly used term for over a decade now.

No, it’s more about men who call themselves nice guys being the very opposite!
Basically, the genuinely good ones don’t need to big themselves up in this way.

I think, partly because of the whole Nice Guy thing, we should stop using the term to describe people. For one, it isn't exactly a great use of our extensive vocabulary. More importantly, we all know that being "nice" isn't always a good thing. Sometimes people are too nice for their own good, and it makes them vulnerable at worst, and dull at best.

When I think of guys that I'd reflexively describe as nice, I think of A who is incredibly generous and very much embodies the idea of pulling people up. But actually he isn't very sociable or jolly in any way. He can come across as aloof until you get to know him. He's always interested in what your passions are, though. That's how you get to know him.

Whereas B and G are approachable guys, great listeners and warm without being overfamiliar. Very polite. Old ladies love them. But both of them also have quite rigid boundaries and will cut off any one who violates them. B cut off his mum for example over a difference in political opinions. Harsh I thought.

People are rounded.

You're not wrong. A lot of predatory types pose as nice guys to draw abuse victims in.

I call them toxic nice guys.

In my personal experience men who declare they are feminists behave very badly.

They just looooovvvvvvveeeee to use feminism as a reason to justify why its ok to beat the crap out of women because if youd punch out a guy for something then it should be ok to punch a woman in the same situation cos we want equality right ?

Reminds me of this character

If someone is manipulative then coming across as a 'nice guy" would serve them.well. It would mean they are able to hood wink others whilst being vile in .private. Being a ' nice guy" however does not mean that you are a manipulative asshole

I’d honestly hate to have your mindset. It must be really shit living like this. My DH is the kindest person I’ve ever met. Married nearly 20 years.

I’ve not had great experiences with women who declare themselves feminists tbh

Nice men do exist, but they sre not Nice Guys. Reddit has a nice guy sub and they see really eye opening.

Just like women, there are good men and bad men. It's as simple as that.

Noone grows up in a vacuum, how men are has a lot to do with their parents, of which there are usually two.

YABU to have thought in the first place that being a 'nice guy' means being soft-spoken or sensitive. But yes, some people who try hard to appear nice are in fact manipulative and not nice.

So the point of the thread is bad men are bad. Ok then

Yes, but it’s a whole different ballgame for women of all ages who wish to date these days.

Always watch out for the 'quiet' ones, male or female......

This. I get so sick of seeing "the geeky quiet ones are the best!", when actually they're not. Most of the ones I've known in relationships with women have been controlling, insecure, needy and useless.

Clearly not amongst the public at large.

Just read the response on this thread.