To think “nice guys” are often just predators who haven’t had the chance yet?

[BeBusyBlueOrca]

Some of the most manipulative men I’ve met were soft-spoken, sensitive and fake feminist allies.

Yes OP, I have often thought that. Any guy who has to mention how he muchrespects women, hates men who offend women etc is often trying to use the image of the sensitive hero to get female attention and sex. Same as the Jack the lad types. All tend to have more red flags than a communist rally

I feel like I’m missing something here. Is “nice guys” an actual term for manipulative arse holes”? I genuinely only know nice men, if I call were to say my husband and all my male friends are “nice guys” does that mean they’re really incel dick heads to some people?

I get what posters are saying about the OP meaning fake nice guys not real nice guys but that makes this thread pointless.

Who is gonna disagree and say that that fake nice guys are decent human beings?l

I do think there are a lot of nice guys out there who are genuine and respectful. I don’t think they need to do performative displays of allyship. I think people who hold themselves up as paragons of virtue often tend to be named and shamed down the line for disgusting deeds and no one is all that surprised.

Because I think maybe there’s some kind of lingo we’re not all privy to

Don’t be a moron. Of course there are plenty of nice men in the world. They are not all predators. 🙄 I’ve known plenty of them. My Dh is absolutely lovely and I have lots of male friends who are very kind and respectful. But they don’t go around advertising. They are just nice, decent, normal people. If someone is trying hard to convince you how nice they are, they probably aren’t.

But you have to have standards and boundaries. Manipulative people don’t waste time trying to manipulate anyone they know they can’t pull one over on. They move on to someone more gullible. When you are someone who obviously doesn’t take any crap, you get a whole lot less of it thrown at you.

I think OP is talking about the the blokes who brand themselves “nice” and will tell anyone who will listen thst they are a feminists and truely care about xy and z but tend to be pretty awful when folk disagree with them / don’t get their own way.

Really nice guys don’t need to tell people, their actions speak for them.

Ok thank you. I think maybe she should have specified that

Exactly

??????
Some people you meet seem to be 'nice' (male or female). They are friendly, chatty, interested in your opinion. They have their own opinions that are not obnoxious.
IME most of them are exactly that - nice people. Like me.

I'm not naive, I've had experiences of some very not-nice people. But why think that all 'nice' people are not-nice?

But another poster spelled it out in great detail so I don’t see why it’s still confusing?

I’m saying the OP should have spelled it out , or it doesn’t make much sense. We don’t all read every single reply.

Well, this is the thing, isn't it.

You actually have little idea of how their "niceness" manifests in relationships outside of your marriage and parent/child dyad. Grooming often involves displays of compassion and kindness that is weaponised to create a dependence on the abuser.

There are few "evil" people who everyone universally experienced as bad, even if they were known as troubled.

The reality is that everyone has the capability for being broadly good or bad, and thankfully, most people don't go out of their way to be bad. They often think they are working towards a greater good, even if there are short term casualties.

A Nice Guy is known as just a nice guy to those who love him and they often have trouble believing that he is ever anything else.

Overwhelmingly people will read the words in the OP and respond to that.

If there is a little private club, using everyday language in a different way from the way the rest of the population use it, and changing the meaning of words, then the OP needs to have stated that.

Well they must make good parents or women would not breed with them as much, of get rid of one and then quickly move the next one in or use them as a bank so these so called men that women endlessly complain about about but there would be equally toxic women who lack the intelligence to do anything about

We here every day how bad men are but equally how desperate women are over them and do women think this of their sons, fathers, brothers etc. and th4 women who allow men to abuse their children because they dont want to be alone

It works both ways

It's a very well known term. It even has a Wikipedia page. Its really not a secret.

Plenty of genuine blokes in the world. But fakey like-me skin deep good guys with more concern for their public image than their own partners and families, or their entitlement to sex for good behaviour, can fuck off.

I'm early 50s and divorced. So many smug marrieds ask me if I've "met anyone nice?"

Yep, there are tons of lovely eligible 50-something men floating around 🙄

"Maybe I should give up on my 4 year old son because he will become a predator one day"

Obviously you shouldn't do that; but as a man no matter how you raise him, or how he acts, there will be plenty of women who think he is a predator who hasn't had the opportunity / been caught yet.....

I'm an optimist, so this can't be true.

@SharkPants good for you. This is you and the kids time now. I really wish you the very best of luck for the future 🙏. X

The worst guys are the ones who you wouldn’t think it of..that’s how they get away with it

buf it’s a huge stretch to then assume all men are like those and that any man who appears to be good must be bad

I feel sorry for anyone who thinks this. I know plenty of genuinely nice guys.

You just perfectly described my abusive ex husband, so hard agree.

In order to know someone is a nice guy you have to really know them, not take their word for it (it's weird if a person thinks they have to tell you they're nice anyway)