Is my best friend racist?

[Newnamefortouchysubject]

Visited my best friend today for lunch and had a conversation that has left me confused, so thought I'd bring it to the MN table.
We were talking about immigration, refugees and asylum seekers.
My friend says the issue is not the colour of people's skin, but rather their culture.
She has no problem with people who wish to settle here when they embrace the UK culture.
Her attitude is that multicultural societies are almost impossible to implement to everyones satisfaction because different cultures have such widely opposing beliefs and values and she believes it is unrealistic to expect to integrate many different cultures and values without considerable conflict between the different cultures.
Furthermore, she believes it is so difficult to integrate different cultures that people of the same ethnicity will inevitably gravitate towards each other and form their own social groups to the exclusion of other ethnic groups, so the whole idea of integration is pointless anyway.
We just end up with lots of different groups of people isolating themselves from other groups who don't share their ethnicity.
She is firmly of the belief that tensions that people describe as racially motivated actually stem from cultural differences, that she knows no one who has any issue with people of different races when they adopt the culture of the country they choose to migrate to, and that the tension is created by ethnic differences and their cultural differences.

I still say this is racism because racism also includes discriminating against people based on their ethnicity. She called me naive if I believe a truly multicultural society is possible when 'you wouldn't even tolerate a friend who has the same ethnicity as you but doesn't share your values so how do you expect to embrace someone's complete different way of life'.
I explained that the way other people choose to live their lives doesn't affect me. She called me naive again at this point and said when people don't have the same values, when they live according to different social rules, it affects people living in their vicinity who don't live like that.

Im not sure whether to raise the subject with her again, or let it lie because she seemed quite adamant and I'm not sure I could make her see this is still racist.

Now I'm wondering if I don't understand what racism is. Maybe I am naive.

We shouldn’t treat individuals differently based on where they come from, but you can’t just say the statistics mean nothing because they don’t align with the theoretical ‘right’ way to see the world.

I guess when asylum seekers are getting minor punishments for sexual crimes based on the defence of “it not being wrong in their country” they are lying?

….so if we do, what is it ? Is it just Bingo ?

Are you joking? Of course Britain has a British culture. Just like every other country.

Agreed and just because we have our own low life why let in more who don't even pay lip service to equality of the sexes.

Your friend is of course right. It is not racism to point out the difficulties and complexities of trying to fulfil the needs of a multicultural society. It is very difficult. And I say that as a British immigrant in another country. I think you need to work on your critical thinking skills. You’re saying this is racism sounds like the binary thinking of a teen or young adult.

And @ExtraOnions of course there is British culture. Have you lived outside the UK? If not, then maybe you don’t realise.

I can own property, have a job, vote.

it shows your ignorance that you don’t understand how astounding that is for women

have you been to tooting late at night? Have you lived in tooting for a number of years?

visiting a place is not the same as living it. If you are not living it you should accept that other people may have different opinions.

I agree with your friend. I am also an immigrant.

…you are about the third person who has said this.. I’m just asking what that means. What is British Culture ?

Does Italy have a culture? What do you think Italian culture is?

… So that means that the UK is a Utopia for women and women’s rights ?

Ignorance is assuming that all of those things are possible, and accessible to women in this country.

Demoncracy rule of law a notion of justice and equity rights for women and girls - jsut to name a few….

I’ve no idea … that not what I asked was it.

I asked for examples of “British Culture” it really shouldn’t be so hard.

No - it means that it is far worse in other countries. Quite obviously.

and they are unique to “British Culture” ?

You genuinely believe that there is equality for women and girls, in the UK?

Another naive handwringing post about immigration. Ps I agree with your friend.

…ah well that’s ok then.

Queuing
Being overly polite
Pub culture
Tea culture
Sarcasm
Cultural foods
Guy Fawkes
Christmas traditions

It’s not racist. It’s reality

I'm part way between you and your friend, and I'm not white and an immigrant 3 times over.

Any immigrant to anywhere has to be able to hold onto their identity, but they also have to integrate into society where they now live.

It's about mutual respect, from one human to another.

You can't go to someone's country, flour their laws, not learn their language, assert your home culture when it's opposed to local culture, live in ignorance of the country you have moved to. Don't move there if you can't live there.

Equally, you should be allowed to move to another country and peacefully and harmlessly practice your religion and culture. You should be able to wear what you want, eat what you want, speak whatever language you want (in addition to the home country) and you must abide by the country's laws.

Obviously I'm excluding refugees and asylum seekers from the above, who in my eyes are temporary immigrants. If they choose to stay and are accepted to stay, then they must follow the above rules.

Not read the other replies, but imo, you’re both right.

Some cultures don’t mix well, you can accept that and respect difference and be open, welcoming and compassionate at the same time.

And just because some cultures don’t mix, it doesn’t mean some people don’t discriminate based on skin colour. Racism is a real issue.

This question gets asked often in these kinds of debates and it is based on a massive fallacy.

First the denial that Britain might have a culture or values, then the demand to describe it in terms that are unique and separate from any other country's culture.

Of course there is huge overlap between the culture of the UK and its neighbours and allies, but that doesn't mean it doesnt have its unique elements, or even just place different emphasis on certain values or practices when compared with say France, Ireland or the USA. And just as there are countries very closely aligned on culture and values, some are less so.

Integration is what she is complaining about not immigration. I agree with her. If I go to a Muslim country I respect that and dress appropriately. I wouldn’t travel anywhere without respect. If I couldn’t rep cr it I wouldn’t go. I know that’s different to living there. Just my point of view.