Get frigging childcare

[JuniperJuly]

Yes another one of these posts.

Emergencies dont count obviously but otherwise, no you cant do your job and look after your young child at the same time.

This morning I had a 2hr teams meeting with an external person trying to organise an event for September. It was almost impossible. Every 2 minutes it was no darling, dont stick the pencil up your bum (true story. I dont care if she is on here), or telling me to hang on a second while she dealt with her child or her child shouting down the headset and being told he is sooooo cute.

I said that its awful when you get let down by childcare and she said that she was always planning on working with him at home. But she obviously isnt working! If shes like that on a teams call what is she like normally?

Last week I was on a group call and could hear someone's baby crying. Maybe she has a nanny or something, whatever, but then it became very obvious that the person wasnt actually on the call but had dialled in and buggered off, presumably to look after the crying child.

Ive now got to send an email to the person from this morning to discuss all the things we couldnt do this morning. Im not even going to bother putting in another meeting with her.

I've half a mind to send an email along the lines of
lovely to meet your child this morning. You had your hands full with him so we couldnt discuss everything so here is what I need. Its probably easier to do via email to limit distractions"
and cc her manager in.

Would that make me a bitch? Im so annoyed at the delay and the extra work it will give me.

Totally agree with you. Send your email saying let's sort it by email as we couldn't cover everything due to the distraction...CC in the manager.

Pencil up the bum did make me chuckle though!! Bloody kids 🤣

@JuniperJuly this is precisely why wfh does not work properly!! how can she do her job if she is spending most of her time removing pencils from buttholes etc??

It’s so unprofessional and so disrespectful of your time. I would definitely be referring to it I’m an email to her and I would copy her manager in.

I don’t believe parents should work at home with primary age kids. That’s the whole purpose of holiday club. I’ve had to have difficult conversations with colleagues about this. It spoils WFH for those of us who do understand that you can’t do your job well if you’re focusing on your kids. If it’s not acceptable to have your kids in the office or if you won’t leave your child home alone, it’s not ok to care for them at home whilst working unless your employer has explicitly stated it is.

Many councils are now subsidising holiday clubs. Whilst I don’t get them for free, it does reduce the overall running costs as it makes it more viable for providers. There is also tax free childcare and unpaid parental leave. I also view those childcare costs as my annual childcare fees. Some weeks I pay but the majority of weeks are free (school). I still come away with more money than if I didn’t work

In your situation, I would be reporting the issue as that’s totally unprofessional, especially with an external contract. She could potentially be risking current or future contracts for her employer

What pisses me off is the childless line manager I had 20 years ago, who wouldn't dream of letting you start at 9:15am instead of 9am to help with school drop off, now has her kids running wild in the back of Teams meetings WFH. Had to pause a meeting the other day as 'Damien' was climbing on a chair and went arse over tit and landed on his head. She doesn't see the need for childcare despite it being stated in policy that WFH isn't to be used for looking after the kids.

I feel sorry for the children. Miserable holidays for them entertaining themselves while their parent works.

Yeah. I’d do that. She’s not actually working - she’s looking after her child. 🤷‍♀️

Episodes like this explain why so many employers want staff back in the office.

I think during covid - and a very brief time after - this was acceptable if (and a big if!) this was a work colleague or someone you've worked with for a long time. Not now though.

I wouldnt give a fuck showing the woman up during the meeting itself. She's completely in the wrong.

I just initially thought the op didnt want to make an issue of it for fear of being judged etc.

But after hearing this woman saying 'no darling, dont put the pencil in your bottom!' That meeting would have been over for me and id clearly be telling her why.

See based on what we’ve heard I absolutely bet she does not work as hard as the average person. Very unlikely if she has a young child hanging about

Its people who 'can't' come in to work/ face to face meetings as they have no day care for their dog that piss me off.

There is a person in my work who does this - minds a toddler and also an older child on occasion. It’s really difficult as some conversations are quite technical and constant interruptions make it difficult. One if my other colleagues has complained as she has a child of a similar age and is paying a small fortune for child care. It’s the brazenness of the person doing it that I think grates. Constantly disappearing off camera- general noises of child chaos etc. It’s basically double jobbing only the one he is getting is paid for doesn’t get done! Union are involved as colleague who made a complaint got no traction and she’s arguing that he is getting away with it because he’s male!

i think they will try to manage this guy out tbh as he is difficult in lots of ways.

I once had a formal complaint made about me after I said no to a summer of WFH to save on childcare.
It wasn't upheld and complainer quit in disgust. Some people can't get their heads round Covid being the exception and not the new rule.

I cant get childcare for my child due to additional needs. Yes, I have explored options. No, he wouldn't cope with the one option available that also costs £350 a day due to ratios required. So I changed jobs to a termtime only job. I could probably wfh now hes older but still, Teams meetings would be tricky, so I don't.

Then by that standard just email her manager to complain about her conduct and copy her in. No need for the passive aggressive 'you seemed to have your hands full' performance

I’m very much in favour of supporting women, who do most childcare. That said, it is obviously not suitable to work whilst caring for small children. When I worked from home myself. I found that under 11 wasn’t really an option. Even 8-10 need a good eye being kept on them, especially when they are outside.

Yeah, I agree a BCC is shithouse behaviour.

I’d probably overlook on this occasion OP since you didn’t actually decide to cut the meeting short and reschedule - then see if it happens again. Annoying though.

That’s really annoying op and I think I would cc the manager into the conversation - if rage’s that brazen her manager probably knows already. But having outsider complaints can sometimes help focus the mind.

I do think this puts people wfh at a disadvantage as there’s the suggestion that everyone is taking the mick.

Before computers, my DM had to take me to her various jobs during school holidays - there wasn't even such a thing as 'child care'. I'm talking 70's here when I was around 6 to 11, lol. There were a few of us kids just hanging around, exploring. We didn't dare interrupt/bother our DM's. My DM had a variety of jobs in that time, anything from egg packing to copy running for a newspaper. It was completely tolerated by the various bosses. It was the 'norm' for working Mum's.

Sorry, I know it doesn't compare to today's WFM situation but it just got me thinking.

I was lucky when I worked and had a young child, my DM looked after my DS and was extremely happy to do so. I only worked 3 complete days though as I didn't think it fair to either DS or DM to do more. I coped with the drop in salary, cut your cloth accordingly etc.

OP, that women needs to be pulled up. It's not just her work it's affecting, it affected you too. Maybe see what happens next time and then you'd be completely justified dobbing her in.

I honestly do not understand this at all. I WFH permanently and people keep commenting about how much I must save on childcare. Like, why would working from mean I don't need child care? I'm still working!

Most of us manage just fine - the struggle should be private. It’s so unprofessional.

I totally get why you are annoyed, but then I was brought up the old fashioned way and it winds me up so much when you are holding a conversation with someone and their little darling comes along and interupts, instead of being told to wait, I am the one suddenly cut off and ignored while the child's rudeness is rewarded with all the attention. Ok I don't know how old this child is but if he was not old enough to understand then childcare should be in place. I make sure there are no interuptions when working from home. Sounds like she wasn't even apologetic and felt you should be as happy to spend time around her child as she is. Very unprofessional.

I agree with this, there was no working from home when mine was little plus I worked in retail then. If my child was ill or even in hospital at one point I got zero understanding! Obviously they came first for anything serious but the management would guilt trip all the same

It’s rife and childcare has always been expensive and an issue. It’s not an excuse to claim it’s now their employers issue for not paying them enough.

This is why a number of employers are now getting everyone back in the office. A number of women (yes, it does tend to be women) have spoilt it for the rest of us.

It’s also giving women in the workplace a terrible name. Employers are likely to choose a man over women and that would be a awful setback for women in general.

Oof. I don't know about all of this really. I get that it's annoying but you have no idea what goes on behind someone else's closed door. What pressures they're facing, how much money they have to pay for childcare, and what support they have available.

And the thing is, the burden is ALWAYS on women. It's nearly always women with children popping up on Teams etc. It's women struggling to balance dropoff/pickups with their working hours. It's women trying to find a job that fits in with school termtime etc.

Women often get paid less for doing the same job as a man. And often women are confined to lower paid jobs because of the need to balance up childcare. This means there's not the spare money to shell out hundreds and hundreds of pounds on holiday clubs. What the hell do you do?!

But if women don't work, they get crucified too for being lazy and not pulling their weight financially. They literally can't win.

I would always cut women who are trying to do their best some slack. It's bloody hard trying to keep all the balls in the air. And it gets harder all of the time with rising costs and stagnant wages.

It won't kill you to show a bit of compassion. OP, you suggest that you could get what you need by email, so do that. No need to create a drama around it - she's clearly finding it hard to manage Teams right now so if email works better, just use that.

As a society I think we're losing - or have lost - the ability to see the bigger picture. I thought COVID might bring a better work/life balance and a chance in culture so it's more akin to Scandinavia, but no such luck.