Get frigging childcare

[JuniperJuly]

Yes another one of these posts.

Emergencies dont count obviously but otherwise, no you cant do your job and look after your young child at the same time.

This morning I had a 2hr teams meeting with an external person trying to organise an event for September. It was almost impossible. Every 2 minutes it was no darling, dont stick the pencil up your bum (true story. I dont care if she is on here), or telling me to hang on a second while she dealt with her child or her child shouting down the headset and being told he is sooooo cute.

I said that its awful when you get let down by childcare and she said that she was always planning on working with him at home. But she obviously isnt working! If shes like that on a teams call what is she like normally?

Last week I was on a group call and could hear someone's baby crying. Maybe she has a nanny or something, whatever, but then it became very obvious that the person wasnt actually on the call but had dialled in and buggered off, presumably to look after the crying child.

Ive now got to send an email to the person from this morning to discuss all the things we couldnt do this morning. Im not even going to bother putting in another meeting with her.

I've half a mind to send an email along the lines of
lovely to meet your child this morning. You had your hands full with him so we couldnt discuss everything so here is what I need. Its probably easier to do via email to limit distractions"
and cc her manager in.

Would that make me a bitch? Im so annoyed at the delay and the extra work it will give me.

Not really working? Huh?

This is.a brilliant answer that is worth requoting in full. The misalignment between the world of work and family life causes so many problems and could be relatively easily solved with a bit of imagination from policymakers.

This. The entitled attitude these people have - taking a salary for a whole day's work while actually looking after their kids - is so damaging to women. After all the progress we've made, it makes me really angry that women will do this. I agree that it will make women less employable in the long run. It's already ruining the WFH movement- employers are telling employees to get back to the office , and I can totally understand why!

Actually, you're right. I spent hours going over finances and speakers for a professional development day just for fun. And boy, I love Teams and so I chose to use it whenever I can.

Sarcasm aside, a lot meetings whether on Teams or f2f are a complete waste of time. This one shouldn't have been.

If I had my time wasted like that I'd look to take my business elsewhere. If you have to work with that organisation, ask to have a contact who can give you 100% of their attention. If you are stuck with her, record the next teams meeting.

I'd be telling my manager exactly what happened, the impact it's had and your concerns this will continue and adversely impact the event / most of the work will fall on you as this woman is not giving work her full attention.

Yes it would be. However, seeing as I was signed out on a break, it would be a bit daft to try that really. 🤣

Im going through everyone's comments.

I did write an email but decided not to send it until Monday when I will be less pissed off about it. Send an email in haste and repent in leisure or something.

Sadly, the external supplier choices are way above my pay grade. I will be speaking with my manager on Monday.

I really did feel for people a short while after Covid as when things first started to get back to normal there was a summer (I think 2021) when there just wasn’t any childcare available in the summer. We luckily had a combination of grandparents who could help, friends to swap days with and the ability to take some unpaid leave. It was genuinely tough though and I think it was wholly acceptable people ended up with their kids at home (particularly with many having managed it for over a year during various lockdowns).

I have less sympathy for people locally now, as childcare options are available again. It can quite be a lot for holiday clubs but I feel like overall it can also be amazingly good value. Certainly lots of really interesting and fun options around.

I will confess is if I’m asked to join calls very early or late then I no longer make any effort to sort childcare but just state them being about is a condition of me being flexible on working hours. In general though I would never want to even if it was allowed. I spent much of Covid feeling I was just exhausting myself doing a slightly shit job of absolutely everything. I don’t get why anyone would do that to themselves voluntarily just to save money.

A member of staff came but she didn’t make eye contact with them when they were trying to speak to her. This was top level cf

The cost of a colleague’s childcare is not the OPs problem - until it impacts on her doing her job!

Just because you were able to drop a small fortune on childcare doesn’t mean everybody can. People are worse off and trying to make ends meet. This is a wider issue, if childcare doesn’t become more affordable then work places will need to start being more flexible (or forced by govt’s) towards working parents because of inconsistency between work hours and school hours.

Yes god forbid women act on their natural instincts to want to care for their children.

Sign of the times, isn't it?

YANBU to find it irritating that your work is being disrupted by children.

Your colleague isn't BU to work alongside doing childcare, if she has no other option (for example if she has no-one to ask and genuinely can't afford holiday club).

None of it is great, but a lot of people are really struggling financially and just generally, so a lot of less-than-ideal situations like this are occurring.

Different if she just prefers to keep the holiday club money for something frivolous, not least because it's not what's best for the child in the situation - I bet the poor thing is bored shitless at home all day, essentially alone 😟

Completely agree. The difference during Covid was that we didn’t have a choice - nurseries were closed and family couldn’t support. But nowadays, even those working from home should have suitable childcare. I’m pretty much fully remote and have youngest in nursery full time, and eldest in after school care 4 days a week. It’s very expensive of course, but if they’re home, I’m not the best parent, nor the best employee! And I really worry people like this will ruin workplace flexibility for the rest of us.

Caring for my children means providing for them financially. I can't do my work if I am minding my children, so I pay for someone else to do that so I can earn a good salary.

What, so we should all be taking our kids to work? And our employers should just turn a blind eye to significantly lower productivity, yet keep hiring us anyway, and keep allowing us to WFH despite this? Get real 🤦🏼‍♀️

I feel the same about all the men who do the school run while "working". They're on a call, but not on the call. Its entitlement tbh.

I get what you mean - the company would carry on regardless if you were run over by a bus etc BUT Companies are run by actual people and many of these do care. Also it reflects badly on the OP if the event does not run as she wants, it could have repercussions for her review, her salary, her bonus, the work she is asked to do next time.
If a decent Company is doing well it can afford to give pay rises and to potentially hire more people.
Theres also the job satisfaction aspect, and OP sounds like she thrives on doing well, this is great for her self esteem and general well being. Lastly, it’s been a huge waste of OP’s time and she has now had to send an email, will have to wait for that to be replied to before she can move on with this piece of work and is clearly exasperated. OP & her Company’s time combined are more valuable than this person who does not respect their time, her job or her workplace. It is weak to ignore the issue and presumably allow it to continue whilst paying not to get things completed in a timely and professional manner.

Good call. Loads of things pee us off at the time, but a bit of reflection sometimes is the way to go. That's not diminishing poor behaviour, just time to think of all things and wider implications

During COVID I'd have had sympathy, as many people simply had no choice. But now, no. Where I work that is totally unacceptable. There may be the the occasional 'Hi' off screen as a child gets in from school, but that's it.

I think this is why it's such an issue, because there are always people who will take the piss and other who have to pick up the slack and its always really obvious who the piss takers are. It's also unfair on the parents who don't do this and the people who don't have children ie everyone else

while this sounds like a particularly bad example and it does mean that you are wasting your time, it could be that the employer has accepted this arrangement and that may be reflected in the working conditions of the employee. They may work longer days to make up for the distractions or the employer may pay/promote them less than their skill set would normally demand. Come the recession all this pretend wfh and taking the Mickey wil be flushed out.

@anon666 one of my biggest bugbears! I don’t mind 1 or 2 a week but all ten is very different.

Where I live most of the holiday clubs that do 8-6 are about £55 a day but that’s what covers the zone 6 to central London commute. I’ve managed to find one that is £36 a day if I book in advance and use a discount code and that’s 8.30-5.30 so there’s a bit of juggling between DH and I and logging in at night to catch up. I’d love to use the football club one which is £75 for a week but 10-2 simply doesn’t match the hours I’m paid to work.

Hi Pencil Bum Mum

Thank you for your time this morning. It was lovely to meet your little one, but as you had your hands full, we weren’t able to cover several key points we needed to discuss.

To avoid further delays, I’ve outlined below the actions and decisions required. Please review and confirm by [date], or let me know if you’re able to set up a dedicated time without distractions so we can finalise these points quickly.

[Insert points]

I’ve copied in [Manager’s Name] so they’re across the situation, as this event has several tight deadlines coming up.

Thank you for prioritising this so we can keep things on track.

Best regards,
Frigging

When I needed childcare during school holidays I budgeted for it. At the beginning of the school year I would go through the calendar and work out the dates that the children would be attending. Then I would multiply the sessions by the fees for them both and divide it by 11 so I could put the money aside and by the time summer came the cost was covered. This was for two children and I was not on a massive salary, quite a modest one. I appreciate that not everyone can do this but it worked well for me as I don’t like unexpected expenses.