Get frigging childcare

[JuniperJuly]

Yes another one of these posts.

Emergencies dont count obviously but otherwise, no you cant do your job and look after your young child at the same time.

This morning I had a 2hr teams meeting with an external person trying to organise an event for September. It was almost impossible. Every 2 minutes it was no darling, dont stick the pencil up your bum (true story. I dont care if she is on here), or telling me to hang on a second while she dealt with her child or her child shouting down the headset and being told he is sooooo cute.

I said that its awful when you get let down by childcare and she said that she was always planning on working with him at home. But she obviously isnt working! If shes like that on a teams call what is she like normally?

Last week I was on a group call and could hear someone's baby crying. Maybe she has a nanny or something, whatever, but then it became very obvious that the person wasnt actually on the call but had dialled in and buggered off, presumably to look after the crying child.

Ive now got to send an email to the person from this morning to discuss all the things we couldnt do this morning. Im not even going to bother putting in another meeting with her.

I've half a mind to send an email along the lines of
lovely to meet your child this morning. You had your hands full with him so we couldnt discuss everything so here is what I need. Its probably easier to do via email to limit distractions"
and cc her manager in.

Would that make me a bitch? Im so annoyed at the delay and the extra work it will give me.

I once had an interview by teams where a kid kept sticking his head in front of the screen. Really off putting in an interview. It was during covid but the child was old enough to know not to do that !

It would have been a sackable offence in my last job.

BCC her manager in then she wont know you've done it. I would have cut the meeting short as it sounded a complete waste of time

I dont do BCC unless its a mail shot.
I think its sneaky. If you are going to copy people in, own it.

Someone on my team was caught out by it. They'd emailed me and had BCC'd our manager in. No idea why they'd included him in the first place and definately no idea why BCC him. My manager mentioned the email to me because he hadn't realised he was BCC'd. It all got very awkward.

I am intrigued by this trend as professionally it would be a total no-no in my industry and mean quite serious consequences if found out.

Then do it and own it, shes completely in the wrong

I agree that whilst at work each individual has a duty to remain professional and be productive. Having your child pop up at a teams meeting is not ideal and if there are options for childcare available then people should use it.

However,

There is a bigger issue here that has featured on MN quite a lot lately of the unaffordability of childcare. Many people do not have parents that can watch their children. I have two primary-age kids who will be at home with me over the summer while I work. I have arranged holiday clubs on three of these weeks at a cost of £600+. Two of the other weeks we have covered with annual leave, and the first week they will be at home with me whilst I work.

I see a lot of "well don't have kids if you can't afford them, then." If people followed this rule, there would only be the richest of the population having kids, or the poorest who get childcare subsidised. The entire working class would be childless. Most households need to have both (or the single responsible adult if a one-parent household) working full-time to be able to afford to live. Most workplaces offer 4-6 weeks of annual leave, whereas most schools have 13 weeks of holiday. Without incurring huge cost, this leaves a challenging juggling act. Not to mention the guilt that comes along with it all. This also seems to be an issue that affects mothers more than fathers. I WFH a few days a week with DH. He never gets interrupted by the children while working.

It doesn't bother me at all if I am talking to a colleague on teams who needs to step away for a moment to sort a child/dog/whatever. I understand the struggle. But I agree, this should not be commonplace with children encouraged to participate in working activity. We need to be able to get our work done.

My employer’s WFH policy specifically states that employees must not treat WFH as a replacement for childcare and must have suitable childcare in place during their contracted hours (absent illness/childcare emergency).

There's a vast difference between wfh with kids that are old enough to entertain themselves - perhaps from minimum aged 8 upwards - and little children that need constant supervision. As a manager, the former I don't have a problem with but the latter is taking the piss if it's done day in/out.

I understand what you are saying but before wfh became so widespread, people had to sort out child care. It wasnt always easy and it could be very expensive and include juggling and using all your A/L but they did it.

I couldn't care less if someone has their kids at home when they are working as long as they can do their job. The woman this morning couldn't and the other person just wasnt.

And yes,if she had to step away to retrieve misplaced pencil, not a problem but it was constant.

I wouldn't CC (Or BCC) which is against the rules where I work), but I would send the email and then eithrt forward it to her boss, or speak to him/her saying you have some concerns about colleague's working conditions and the impact it's having on your work/team performance.

But then I've never seen being popular at work as a priority🤣

Whilst I agree with you in theory when my children were little we had no option but to pay for childcare or holiday clubs (I am still bitter about the summer holiday that cost me £1200 in childcare! ). Working from home just wasn't a thing but we managed.
It is only now parents feel entitled to 'work' from home to save on childcare but in my opinion you cannot be a good parent if you are working productively and you cannot be a good employee if you are parenting properly.

Bloody hell, that's appalling.
I have WFH for many years. I am a lone parent and have had my years of juggling everything. He's 16 now so life is easier. Even so, the very, very rare time he interrupts me while I'm on a call I deal with it promptly and shunt him out of the door.

As PP says, I paid A LOT for childcare, especially when he was early/mid teens and couldn't just be shuttled off to the 'general sports camps' but the more expensive football training ones. I have a professional job, I could afford it.

I think you are being a bit snippy based on one meeting. I bet this colleague works as hard as everyone else if not harder to make up for the moments like this. As long as she normally does a good job, then I’d let it go.
There’s myriad reasons why someone might not have childcare in place, so I’d try to get over it in your place, unless she is seriously dropping the ball

People who think this is a reasonable way to save childcare costs need to be careful. More and more employers are wanting staff back in the office for various reasons. This would be a very legitimate one.

I’d be tempted to use another company!

However, in your follow up email mention how disappointed you were that you were unable to complete the meeting due to the constant interruptions from her having to look after her child etc (and that it wasn’t very professional), and definitely cc her manager. They need to know as well!

I don’t think you’re being a bitch. She wasn’t doing her job!

It's really frustrating when that happens.

I wfh and have for 15 years. During covid thae attitude was It's not usual for this situation, dc aren't used to it etc and people starting thinking it was OK for their dc/pets to join calls.

My dc never interrupt my calls. They know it's work, and unless it's an actual emergency, don't come into my office when I'm on a call.

I had a colleague who would just smile beatifically while her child's yelling ruined yet another meeting. She'd occasionally roll her eyes but that was as far as she went in even acknowledging it might be disruptive. Mostly she just seemed... proud?

I do hybrid working and in Covid full time wfh. I am a single parent and my parents were key workers in healthcare so had nobody to help we were in our little bubble of 2. It was hard. Now it’s easier yes she’s at home in the holidays, however she’s 12 and doesn’t come near unless she urgently needs me. My work are aware and don’t mind asking as work gets done. However I think they’d draw the line at babies and toddlers xxx

But that’s not op’s problem, and she could have rearranged the meeting if she couldn’t get childcare (or apologise upfront if it were an emergency). Instead, she’s got one pis...d off client.

I think Ill email her and say I was disappointed we couldnt get as much done this morning as planned. Is there a better time when she wont have to worry about distractions or should we do it by email and then remind her of the dates.
Ill cc in my manager as Ill need to tell him about it anyway. She knows who he is so will know Ive referred it higher.

Im not bothered about being unpopular. I am worried about the event and the damage it will do to my work if it isn't seamless.

I dont know her circumstances. I dont want to tattle tell to her boss straight away. Ill let my boss deal with that!

I don't think you're being a bitch at all, just as she didn't seem bothered about wasting your time.

YANBU to be annoyed, YABU to CC her manager.

She could have simply said "I'm so sorry, my childcare has fallen through last minute, we can go ahead with distractions, reschedule or do what we need to do via email if possible."

2 hours is not "a moment"

Do it. It’s not even like she was apologetic and tried to make it work, just expected everyone to be subjected to her “adorable” child. It’s not adorable it’s unprofessional and she should be picked up on that.