This was not a double booking!!

[autienotnaughty]

I have close friend of 40+ years, our families were very close when we were growing up her mam and dad were like an auntie and uncle to me etc.
when we were about 15 her cousin was born, we loved visiting and she was even flower girl at my wedding 7 years later. In the last 20 years I have remained close to my friend but rarely see her extended family. Every couple years we might do a weekend away and her cousin (now adult) will come.
A couple of years ago at my friends 50th, cousin was talking about her wedding (recently engaged no date set) she said we (the general group not her cousin) would be invited to the evening do. Very kind of her to include us.

This year I received an invite to her hen do which is in august, sadly I can’t attend due to health issues so I declined.
i then received a invite to the evening do and typical I’m at a show that evening, it’s a one off event that we got tickets for about 18 months ago. It was something I got for my husband as a gift.
Now we could miss the event and take the financial loss or try to sell tickets (bought locally so can’t just do it on Ticketmaster) but I’d feel bad for dh as there are two other events I couldn’t attend due to my health issues so, one we resold tickets on tm the other dh took his brother. Plus dh has never met friends cousin so naturally he’s less bother for wedding.
So I messaged cousin and apologised and said we had a prior commitment, she was fine but when I spoke to my friend she was off with me. Mentioned something about how could I have double booked? But I booked this event before bride had mentioned a date or even a year. So I don’t think I did double book? Should I have given up the event?

Good. Lol.

If OP has a health condition then she’s the one best placed to decide what she can and can’t cope with. She has the support of a partner at a show which lasts what - a few hours at most. A hen do these days is a three day foreign event. Not the same thing. Doesn’t matter what the friend thinks OP should use her own judgement.

And did you complain about this? I bet you didn’t.
I wouldn’t send any screenshots. You told her the real reason which is more than enough. Tbh people often decline invites for health reasons, money issues, relationship difficulties but citing prior engagement instead. She should have respected that you can’t make it and leave it there.

Why do you and DH have to attend these events together? I get that the tickets are for his birthday and it would be nicer for you to go with him, but its not essential as he could go with someone else. Likewise he doesn't need to go to the wedding with you.

You haven't double booked, for heaven's sake. You booked a concert and unfortunately it happens to be the same day as the wedding so you can't go to the wedding. These things happen.

I think it may be just sometimes when you IM the tone comes out wrong. I don't think she means it as badly as you think. I would just join in with her feelings:
"I know, I am gutted, If I had known the wedding date when I booked i would never have done it. But I've let DH down so many times before I can't do it again. Have a fab time and make sure you take millions of pictures for me"

And as people say, be generous with the gift and be the one to suggest a post wedding get together?

Choice maybe ? I’d much prefer to attend a gig with my partner than to go solo to an evening wedding bash alone.

I’m not disagreeing with that. I was replying to a poster who suggested OP’s friend might have the hump because OP had declined the hen do, but not the gig. My point is that if her friend is suggesting OP wouldn’t be up to the gig if she isn’t up to the hen do, surely logic would dictate that she wouldn’t be able to make the wedding either?

Double boobed is what I look like when I try to squeeze into my nice tops from last summer (that seem to have shrunk whilst in storage)

I see your point. I declined the hen do because of the travel /length of the event and need to sit /lay fairly regularly. The gig is local, only few hours long and I can leave if I’m struggling. Same with the night do really that’s also manageable.

He wants to go with me because I couldn’t attend the last two events we planned.

Ah, yes. I see your point. My bad - sorry.

Yes true she may have thought I knew. No save the date as I know other night guests

But the friend isn’t the one getting married. Why is OP making all this effort for the friends’ cousin when they’re not that close and the cousin didn’t attend OP’s wedding because she was on holiday. The cousin doesn’t have a problem with it, why does OP need to make amends ?

I think I’d reply to the friend to say you’re sorry if there has been a misunderstanding but you weren’t aware until recently of the date of the wedding and booked this some months ago.

After nearly losing my husband to the big C I realised who is more important to make memories with. You should absolutely stick to your plans and have an amazing time x

Its not your friends wedding, it's her cousin. Its not an invite to the actual wedding, its the evening do. Why is your friend getting so upset about someone else's evening do?

This seems the most sensible response

Exactly this. The most sensible answer on the thread.

I'm an old person so maybe a bit out of date. I have a vast family - we're talking 40+ cousins & now cousin's children & now grandchildren. I usually get a 'keep this date' notification about 1 year or even earlier as a notification that I'm going to be invited to a cousin's evening do. I'm not invited to the actual wedding which I understand given the number of people who would be involved.

You didn't double book. You've done nothing wrong. It's nothing to do with your friend. She needs to but out. Enjoy your event. It was only night time anyway. Move on. If she mentions it again, tell her straight.

It’s not even a wedding invitation- it’s the evening do. That’s for Acquaintances and afterthoughts

tell her you bought the tickets 18m ago and it’s important for your H.

you don't actually know what she said - this is all rumour and hearsay.

You would be unreasonable to give it a second thought - you don't know the actual bride particuarly well, you aren't close and it's not a big deal!

YANBU. A double booking is when you accept two conflicting commitments. This is you declining an invitation because you have a prior commitment.

You don’t need to diminish the importance of the evening do to make the OP feel better. She had a prior commitment, so turned down the invitation - the end.