To think you don't just walk in

[Eerrnohun]

Yesterday afternoon, sitting on the floor playing with my son. I hear the a knock at the front door and before I had time to get on to my feet, my aunt is bursting through the front door.
Didn't know she was planning on coming over so was very taken back at her just bounding in.

Even if I had known she was going to come over, I'd still expect her to wait until I'd answered the door. I don't enter her house, or anyone else's house without being invited in. We're not super close - see each other once every couple of months or so, so it's not like she's round all the time and just felt so welcome to let herself in.

AIBU to think it's rude as hell to just walk in?

And before anyone says it, yes I'm aware locking the door would stop people walking in but DH was in and out throughout the day.

I know you said not to mention it but you really should lock the door. Anybody could have walked in.

I hate this and consider it rude. My MIL will usually do this, so if I know shes coming over I make sure the door is locked!

Where were you taken back to?

Really never understand why people can't seem to read properly before answering. You can look back at my OP for the reason the door was not locked.

I had zero fear of child escaping as there's a closed gate on the door of the room we were in.

Where I grew up no doors were ever locked, everyone knew everyone and we’d knock as we went in. still do to the people who still live there, friends and family.
i live further away now but when we’re in the back door is unlocked and our friends and family just come in, usually know they’re coming but an unexpected visit isn’t unheard of 🤷‍♀️ not a big deal at all, if someone’s door is locked or we’re not close I’d knock and wait though

Yeah, I do admit I hate people showing up unannounced. I mean, assuming we're just at home not doing much they'll get invited in and made to feel welcome, but I'd much prefer to know if someone is going to come over.

I did read it but as you know, when you ask for commentary sometimes people are going to add caveats/extras whether you like it or not.

PIL and my parents do this with us and us with them. I'd find it a bit odd to do otherwise. It's nornal for a lot of people so it's fine for you to not want it but you'll have to say something.

I really hate it as well @Eerrnohun which is one reason why I'd always keep the door locked. That way I never have to deal with the issue! I know you've said that DH was in and out but couldn't he carry keys?

In your case you can really only do one of two things, I guess - tell aunt straight out that you don't like it when people walk in without being welcomed and ask her not to do it again. Or not tell her and likely stew if she does it again.

This is perfectly normal where I live, and I would get mildly annoyed at having to interrupt whatever I was doing to go and answer the door to somebody who could have just walked in. If you don’t want people to just walk in then you have to either tell them or leave the door on the latch/locked.

I'd find it strange if my aunties or any other family members didn't just walk in. We have always done that.

Family come into ours and vice versa. I've never thought about it really. I guess if it bothers you keep the door locked.

You should really lock your doors. Any nutter could just enter your house and god knows what could happen. But, you are right, your aunt should wait for you to come to the door.

Yea fascinated me as a medical student in Yorkshire when GPs did this (I'm a southerner!), I just saw it as crazy dangerous for the 90yo bed bound granny

**I said stew because that's how I would feel if it kept happening, not implying that's what you'd do! I don't like stewing so I tend to address things directly. However with the front door issue I hate it so much that I always lock it just to be on the safe side! 😁

I'm in your camp @Eerrnohun My hackles rise at the thought of people just walking in. I think it goes back to when I was a child and there were certain family members who thought that we didn't have a right to privacy and they could turn up whenever and however they liked. It's so ingrained that although I have a key to my Mum's flat, I don't just walk in on her. I always message agead and/or knock. My DH, whose childhood was very different, is more relaxed about boundaries, but prioritises my comfort and always locks up, even when we are both at home.

Obviously, you'll have to consider if it would be a good idea to lock the front door so that Auntie can't just "yoo-hoo" her way into your domain, but it's easy for me to say that. We have a street house with no garden at the front, but a yard with a high wall and wooden gate, which is private enough even for me and we leave the back door open during the day when we are in. Most (legitimate) visitors are not going to scramble over high walls. People with different arrangements may not be able to leave an external door open at all if they want their privacy and if good manners don't come naturally, you may be stuck between the rock of putting up with it, or the hard place of a stinking showdown about acceptable behaviour. Or you keep your external doors locked.

I've always felt the fire risk was greater than the risk of "nutters".

I would knock and walk in to houses belonging to family and to one close friend. I’m ancient and this would have been considered entirely normal at one time.

For me this is outrageously rude!! Nobody I know would EVER do this unless it was an actual emergency. It's usual for doors here to self-lock though, and open from outside only by turning the key. The ones that just open with a handle wouldn't be classed as secure enough for the insurance company.

I think it's rude. My DH's family started doing this until one day they walked in and out new dog launched at them barking his head off. They never did it after that!

Why if he's told you he's happy for you to just come in? He now respects you asking him to wait, so surely you respect his way at his home?

I dont follow your theory. I can undo my doors from the inside even if locked, without a key. The country, in my view, is not safe enough to chance leaving doors unlocked, it's just easier not to leave it to chance Obviously, those that prefer to leave doors unlocked can.

This is totally normal for us. People knock once then open and walk in saying "yoo hoo" or "only us".

Where are you living OP?
when we were living in the States I had neighbors who'd just saunter in this way, and who were pissed off I didn't do the same, if they'd left their door unlocked / ajar. I'd knock, wait for someone to come to the door and let me in. I thought this was the given thing (its a UK thing at least).

I’m not just wandering in to another person’s house, even if they say it’s fine. There may be an occasion when it’s not.