Unisex toilets in new office - dread going into work

[SocialMol]

The company I work for moved to a new office a few weeks ago. It is brand new and shared 50/50 with another company. We have our own side of the floor, key card protected so completely separate.

However, the toilets are in the middle of the block so are shared with the other company. These are unisex - several cubicles with shared area for sinks/dryers etc.

The other company is a sales one (they run a call centre there) and the demographic of their workforce is mainly young men in their 20’s.

There have been several instances of inappropriate comments made to staff in the toilets. Crass stuff like ‘give that cubicle 5 minutes’ to cruder comments directed at or about women - the men will often be talking about their own colleagues in a derogatory way in front of us.

The final straw for me was this afternoon when I walked out of a cubicle and a spotty young lad said he will ‘join me next time’ 😷

Our company are aware of our concerns but said there’s nothing they can do, as the toilets are designed to be ‘inclusive’ and similar to the other modern office blocks they viewed.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this to be honest, just wanted to know if anyone else finds this sort of set up completely ridiculous?

Changing the toilets won't change their behaviour.

Its about limiting the access.

The men could make comments about anything anywhere but not having to listen to these men in the only place in her office where the OP gets half naked would be a good starting point.

Whats your N+1?

Agree. Avoiding their behaviour is the strategy, with single sex toilets.

Some of the responses are very much as expected since I last checked in.

OP: The lock on the door to my block of flat is broken, and my landlord refuses to mend it. Yesterday, a group of pre-teens charged into the flat. It was actually quite intimidating. What can I do?
A: Well, you don't have a landlord problem, you have a behaviour problem.
B: Er, why didn't you just speak to them about their attitude?
C: What an overreaction! I wouldn't find this intimidating at all!
D: There are lots of other places that rampaging pre-teens could surprise you - why are you worried about this one?

Said no one, ever.

Except where women's rights are concerned.

It's the sheer irrationality that shows up the (unconscious, I hope) misogyny.

I mean, the above is a case in point.

Why on earth would anyone think that changing the type of toilets would change the behaviour of people in their vicinity in a more general sense? Why would anyone go to the trouble of informing us that it wouldn't? It's bears and woods, and Catholic Popes - to type this is only to reveal unthinkingly dogmatic dedication to the noble cause of the mixed-sex loo. Why else would you bother?

To state something similarly obvious that I do think is worth noting, though... It would, of course, mean that the OP no longer had to endure their behaviour.

Found another.

E: So you never come across these teens out and about? How do you know they're not behaving this way outside your front door as well as in the entrance hall?

F: I'm sorry, but a gang of wild pre-teens actually causing anyone harm has never happened to me or anyone I know. It must be very unusual.

G: Actually, you know what, OP? What's happening could be a good thing. I mean, these kids having contact with adults who expect a different kind of behaviour, and who are really concerned by theirs, could actually improve how they act over time?

You're being ridiculous

That's just from the previous two pages. Ridiculous it is indeed.

1. OP Only encounters these men in the loo. She doesn't work with them or share any other space with them.
2. Some of the comments made are "loo-specific", eg. the comment about "join me next time". A certain type of man gets excited by encountering women in a space that is usually private, where intimate business is carried out. Plenty of men (even ones who aren't pervs and don't harass women) get turned on by the knowledge there are women partially undressing, urinating etc. in earshot on the other side of a thin cubicle wall. Which is a big part of the reason we have single sex loos in the first place.

Oh sorry @catiette, just realised I responded to someone I agree with. Oh well, point still stands!

ETA: In response to Porridge's first.

Yep, this did occur to me. I think other posts suggest that the poster in question literally did mean it in the sense I took (p13: "They could still make inappropriate comments though. They don't change just because they're in a different place") - so I focussed on the absurdity of that, but the more thoughtful, logical take-down is yours. Some of their behaviour actually could change as a result.

Everywhere I've ever worked has had mixed sex bathrooms and we haven't had any issues - its not something that personally bothers me - however- the issue here is the culture among the male staff who feel entitled to make those comments in the first place. The male staff I've worked with would never which is why I've never had an issue with it.

I'd be logging these concerns in writing to HR as sexual harassment and I'd be speaking to my union rep about your company's inadequate response to sexual harassment that's happening in their workplace during your working hours.

Are the other female staff equally frustrated by this and if so could you raise a collective grievance? I'd also be putting in writing a formal complaint to the other company as to the behaviour of their employees during their working hours while representing the company.

Yep, we're on the same page.

F: In my culture, kids run in and out of communal buildings all the time and we've never had any issues.

Don't worry, will stop now. Pre-bed procrastination! 😂

Sorry if this has already been said, but firstly find your nearest women’s toilets outside of your office and use those for now. Keep complaining to HR and get them to inform the other company of the unpleasant behaviour from their staff - every single time it comes up. Keep a record - obviously. I would be very uncomfortable with this situation so I sympathise greatly.

Last comment, honest, guv: fair play to Lavender. Initially, I just read the opening and thought it was more of the same. But the observation that it can work, and the acknowledgement that different people may feel differently about it, are totally fair. The subsequent recognition that it isn't working in this particular case, & this OP is upset by it, with practical tips and empathy, is what makes the difference.

I've read your comment several times but am not sure what your point is. 'To type this is only to reveal unthinkingly dogmatic dedication to the noble cause of the mixed-sex loo.' I've said nothing of the sort. I'm not keen on a mixed-sex loo but that isn't the problem here. What we all want is for men to change their behaviour. That's the goal. That's what we should be focusing on. Report the behaviour. Answer back. Get others to report. Complain. Call in a union. Write to an MP. Make it known who the culprits are. Get other, decent men inside. Change the culture. It can be done over time. Or make a fuss about the toilets and ignore the behaviour so they can carry on being ignorant. .

There’s another option: make the toilets single sex.

It’s laudable you want all men to change behaviour. But it’s not all men. Reporting the bad behaviour from the bad men means women have already suffered. Good men shouldn’t have to be needed to police the bad men. There’s a lot of faff, effort and time unionising and reporting whilst other women suffer.

As an ex-teacher, I would have not believed 1 rape per day happens in school premises, but thanks to painstaking journalism by the BBC that was what was found in our schools.

Ofsted found that sexual abuse happens so much in schools, that schools should always assume it’s happening.

The government and police keep emphasising VAWG.
https://news.npcc.police.uk/releases/call-to-action-as-violence-against-women-and-girls-epidemic-deepens-1

Yet the figures are still massively underreported.

Any private space in an area with strangers is open for abuse.

Planes, train carriages, supermarkets, pubs, clubs, offices, all have toilets that have people having sex in toilets. Making sex in a public toilets illegal hasn’t stopped people. There are webpages devoted to toilet sex and tiny cameras in toilets has reached epidemic levels.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2025/may/27/secret-spy-cameras-voyeurism-uk

This is why we need single sex toilets with door gaps. I know that people don’t like the gaps in case people put phones under the door but men are less likely to risk entering women’s toilets. Setting up a hidden camera is risk free and easily done in a unisex private cubicle.

Single sex toilets are about prevention. Otherwise known as safeguarding and common sense.

there was new legislation passed in October 2024 that gives your employer a duty to protect its employees from bullying and harassment, so that makes it their problem.
New protections from sexual harassment come into force - GOV.UK

I’ve had to wash blood off of my trousers in the sink at work. Twice actually.

Yes, it’s always advised in situations where women are alone with a man making them uncomfortable in an enclosed area, is to confront him.
It’s a great move.