To ask how you made friends in your 30s and older?

[Tart306]

More than just casual acquaintances.
I'm finally trying to move on from my group of schoolfriends who see me as some sort of outlier and make little jibes about how I regularly change job, hair, travel and so on just because it's so alien to how they live their lives.
Little jokes about how they can't imagine me being a mother or doing xyz hobby.
Never, ever travelling to visit me and ignored my messages when I invited them to my housewarming when I bought my home.

So I'm looking to make connections with like-minded people. I'm quite introverted and not wanting people to meet up constantly with or be in touch with all day every day.

However I find it hard as an adult, I get on well with my workmates and there are occasional group events.
I've recently started a new hobby, only been 3 times but I know it takes time.
Any other ideas?
I tried bumble bff but I found pepple either just ghosted or would type 'yhh hun u x' and not much else.

You could try looking on a website called "meet ups" and look for local groups doing things you are interested in?
I joined a couple of walking groups post divorce and met some interesting people (ie not as a dating/relationship thing)
Sorry you've not had luck with Bumble BFF - a friend of mine tried that and made a couple of new really good friends. Perhaps you've been unlucky?

What about your workplace - do they have any social groups?

Sorry to hear about your old friends - unfortunately long established friendship groups so sometimes break down (I've had a few over the years - now in my 50's)

For me, I got cancer and found a support group where I made friends. Not what I'd recommend tbh. 😅

Meetup.com. I joined groups with similar interests.

I studied. Met people with whom I have lots in common. All different age groups. So non-judgemental. That’s one amazing thing about studying these days. Nobody tolerated that kind of shit at all.

I started playing group games at a board game cafe near me, which has been great for low-pressure social hangouts & making a couple of new friends. They regularly host a range of game-related events, and plenty of solo people go along.

Thanks a lot. I've been to a couple of meetup things, I think i just need to persevere as I know it can take months to become friends.

It takes time, but I ended up making dozens of friends through meetup - and most of them just through a couple of people I got to know at meet up. As you say, keep preserving!

Walking football. Although people generally think it's for blokes there are women's teams too

https://thewfa.co.uk/womens-walking-football/

I made friends through a hobby, and via work.

I'm pretty ok with my own company. I would rather be in my own company than bear up when people were making little digs at me. I would definitely leave those people to get on with their lives, OP!

In answer to your question, at work and at school (as a parent).

If you like anything even slightly outdoorsy I would recommend looking at LoveHerWild and finding your local group's FB page. I've met some fab people who like walking/ outdoorsy stuff. Lots of fellow introverts! They meet up for walks and activities, have a book club and are generally lovely and supportive.

If the outdoorsy stuff isn't your thing, have a look at craft groups, rent tent groups, burlesque dance groups, women's sports, book/theatre club etc

Don't be afraid to be the one to suggest ideas to your work mates/ new friends / potential friends rather than waiting for events to be organised by someone else. A simple anyone want to check out the new restaurant/ bar / movie after work is all it takes. People you met via meetup are probably also looking for new friends but it only works if someone makes the first move to take it beyond a formal MeetUp event.

Sometimes it really is just about persevering. When I moved back to London after being away for several years and many of my old friends had also moved away, my approach was to persistently target people I wanted to be friends with and pester them until they submitted to my friendship 😬

I jest a bit - but I did and still do actively try to cultivate new friendships. For example, if I'm introduced to a friend's other friends and like some of them and have things in common I'll make sure I get their contact details and follow up to meet again. Same with people I meet through work. I've been out clubbing and got talking and dancing (albeit in a trashed kind of way) with women and then asked for their numbers and met up again. And be the person who suggests things. Surprisingly, all this does seem to work: I now have many close longstanding friends from often chance initial encounters - I figure more people than we think are looking to make new friends or don't have many of their own, or are a bit shy, and are pleased that I do all the initial legwork for them!

Otherwise - are you into fitness? Running, cycling, yoga? I've made some great friends through my groups for those, and Parkrun (and the coffee afterwards) is usually a great bunch of people.

Doing something you enjoy.
Walking group/book group/supper club/sport/arts/crafts
Volunteering - I have made lots of friends this way. Genuine friendships. It's a way of meeting people with similar values.

For me through my hobby (horses), though work - suggest getting a drink or two after work if there's anyone you click with. Also through friends I've met other friends of theirs I have got on with and we've gone on to do stuff together.

You’ve done well to start a new hobby.
I think anywhere you turn up regularly, you ought to make friends.
I’m in my 30s and met my newest closest friends through joining a choir and the gym.

I joined a netball club in my mid forties. Fitness and friends count have both shot up!

Personally I have made new friends in my 30s via a local walking group, and my local WI.

Joined a shooting club
Joined ParkRun
Became a parish councilor

How old are you? Why have you not matured on from your school friends and made new friends as you have aged and changed? Start there.

I still have school friends. Yes we are different (I don’t judge). But, many more friends have come and gone too. I lived abroad so had to get creative but, didn’t once feel I had to move on because of my other friends living their lives differently. Maybe you are in a tit for tat with your school friends each side trying to defend their life choices and it’s all just one fake interaction.

I did it through sports clubs. I actually work in a field where it's easy to make like-minded friends (i.e. large organisation, many opportunities to meet people not in your immediate team, shared interests) but I also wanted friends who were not connected to work. Niche sports with lots of adult beginners are good for this, e.g. fencing, archery, rowing - you meet people of all ages and with a range of social backgrounds, and they often go to the pub after training.

I joined a running group aged 23. I think you get a special sort of cameraderie from people when you're all running together or starting running like Couch to 5k. Many of the other members were older than me in their 30s, 40s, 50s. I found we all mostly got on well and respected each other despite me being the youngest. I haven't run for a long time now but I've kept in touch with some and am a social member of the club going out for tea/running club dos etc when I can. Good luck!

This. Although I've never made friends at the gym (lots of cheerful smalltalk, but nothing more).

Long term friends met through classes - sewing and art - and , strangely, at a business conference. Not at work or through the gym.

I am in my mid-50s and I made long term friends in my 30s through work and the business I created (and started dating my partner at 35 though I had known him at university).

I’m glad this worked for you, but I’m guessing either you’re unusually charismatic, and/or there was some luck involved in you meeting multiple people who did actually have space for new friendships. I don’t think I’m awful - I honestly think I’m nice! and other people have thought so too in the past! - but I had to change cities for work, and honestly I’ve found it tough to make new friends, and it’s not for lack of doing the kinds of things you describe. Persistence just winds up feeling like stalkerishness if the other person isn’t responsive 😬