To ask how you made friends in your 30s and older?

[Tart306]

More than just casual acquaintances.
I'm finally trying to move on from my group of schoolfriends who see me as some sort of outlier and make little jibes about how I regularly change job, hair, travel and so on just because it's so alien to how they live their lives.
Little jokes about how they can't imagine me being a mother or doing xyz hobby.
Never, ever travelling to visit me and ignored my messages when I invited them to my housewarming when I bought my home.

So I'm looking to make connections with like-minded people. I'm quite introverted and not wanting people to meet up constantly with or be in touch with all day every day.

However I find it hard as an adult, I get on well with my workmates and there are occasional group events.
I've recently started a new hobby, only been 3 times but I know it takes time.
Any other ideas?
I tried bumble bff but I found pepple either just ghosted or would type 'yhh hun u x' and not much else.

Joined a gym
Did an evening class
started playing rounders for a team

Volunteering. It automatically gives you shared interests and a shared purpose. But you do have to stick at it, and believe in the cause, not just do it as a means to an end.

Having a baby. I've still got a couple of friends from NCT and for a while was friendly with nursery mums though that tailed off after a few years. No school mum friends but that's on me for being distant.

Change jobs lots and it can happen organically. There's always a few people I say we must keep in touch with, of those some we meet for a single coffee and then drop off, others neither of us even texts again but usually I end up proper pals with one or two.

For a spell in my 20s I had no friends really. It's possible to turn it round.

Church.

Definitely join a group of like minded people. Whether it be a sport, a book club or an activity. Getting a dog is a great way of meeting people but appreciate that’s not for everyone. I joined Rock Choir - we ‘re all united in our love of music and I’ve made some amazing new friends.

Something quite unexpected resulted in new friends for me - had a dog I needed help with care for but not regularly enough to need a paid-for dog sitter. I used Borrow my Doggy and found a few regular ‘borrowers’. Over time, a couple of those became close friends - started by either me inviting them to join me on dog walks even when they weren’t looking after him or them suggesting a drink when I picked him up. and of course the dog was always a good conversation starter/topic.

Running club and volunteering at parkrun

Running club and volunteering at parkrun

Don’t know if anyone has mentioned a Canadian named Anna Ho who was in a similar position so she tried 30 different activities to make friends https://linktr.ee/_____ms.a have a look what she has done.
There is also the time left app which arranges dinner on a Wednesday with like minded strangers, have a look if there is one in your area.
If you craft, crochet or knit or want to learn then look for craft and natter groups.
There is also the WI for jam and Jerusalem.
Ask at your local pub if there is a women’s darts team.
Do you like sports? Find out if there are any groups for a sport you like or a walking group.
Go on the local Facebook group and ask on there, guaranteed there are others in the same position as you.
Create a club of your own on meetup app if you don’t see something you would like to try on there.
Take an evening class at your local college.
Sorry they are the only ones I can think of off the top of my head.

Go to a hobby group, consistently, for years! I've met people through a run club.

Toddler groups
Evening class
Cycling club
Gym class
Volunteering at scouts
Work

Joined a book club, got a new job and now have 2 close friends. It is really hard

I went on that peanut app when I moved to the town I’m in now. Made one friend off it but we connected over our children being at the same nursery. One of my best friends now but I think that was just sheer luck to be honest!

Join social groups that are themed with your interests, either on Meetup or that you see advertised locally on, for example, supermarket notice boards. I joined the local Rotary group where I formed a deep friendship with a like minded woman, and when I changed bridge clubs I met my current partner.

I got a dog and walked locally

Groups and hobbies that involve going out and meeting the same group of people.

I can't get to anything like that so I don't know. What do you do if you can't get to things like that?

The key is to find a mutual passion/interest. Cultivate an interest in as many different things as you can, and then join clubs or societies based around those interests. However, don’t fake it. They must be things you are genuinely interested in. People can smell a fake a mile away.

I know how you feel. I have a friend from school that I’ve completely outgrown. When we were young, we laughed a lot as we had a similar sense of humour. But now, in middle-age, I find her tedious beyond words. She is incredibly self-centred and in love with the sound of her own voice. No matter what you say, she brings it back to herself. I’m really interested in painting and the history of art. I’m also interested in literature. I know this makes me sound an arrogant twat, but I long for more intelligent conversation. I long to sit in a coffee shop and chat about art and books.

It’s odd the way we think friendships have to last. We all accept that a marriage can run its course, and that people change and grow apart. Well the same is true of friendships.

I joined a fitness class when we moved to a new area and made friends through that. I’ve also made some very good friends through work.

Volunteering as a girlguiding leader and also part of trefoil guild (socialising for leaders without the kids)
Slimming world in the village

Since mid - 30s, I've made friends through

Volunteering
Hobbies
My dc's activities
Work
Church

Then getting involved in these things, particularly. eg, not just going to the service on a Sunday, but doing the washing up after a meal, and offering to be on a couple of rotas. Going along to the Quiz night or helping at the Christmas Fair or whatever. Or being on the committee at a hobby, rather than just turning up and going away again.

Also, accepting invitations to go somewhere or do something outside the hobby / work / volunteering / Church, or indeed, inviting people myself even just to grab a drink after a meeting or to meet for a coffee.

Through work for me. It wasn't instant, very good friendships developed after years of working together. Apart from one or two friends made during pregnancy/school runs, I'd say the majority of my friendships in adulthood have been made through work.

Another vote for joining a walking group 🙂. I also have belonged to a reading group for many years, however we live in a very small town so the conversation soon turns to local gossip! We occasionally go out for a meal or to an exhibition together. It's an all female group.
DH and I also volunteer for Butterfly Conservation and many people around here help out with the local nature reserves and National Trust.
Then there's the Blue Tits - the all-year Sea Swimming nutters group.

Joining a choir! I've met some wonderful friends that way. I love singing, but it's the social aspect and camaraderie I enjoy most 🎶

I've also met some fabulous friends through work and we do a lot outside work and have lunch together in work.

Volunteering!