Why are people so obsessed with touching babies?

[MyBusyTurtle]

Went to a family outing on the weekend which ended up being a surprise engagement party. So way more people and music than we anticipated. We had also stayed at the GP place the night before so we could go to said catch up as we live 2 hrs away.

Our 4 month old was already a bit upset from the drive over and a really bad sleep, so we said hello to everyone, told them he is a bit overwhelmed and that we were going to find a quiet corner until he settles.

But lo and behold, we were flocked with people wanting to touch the baby and get in his face which made him cry. And most of this were his aunties who had seen him all yesterday and that morning with plenty of cuddles!

I kept telling them to give us a moment and they'd give about a minute before coming back over and talking about how much they want to 'eat him' or bringing over another relative who would also get in his face and ask to hold him. I even went inside to breastfeed him and people still followed. My SILs husband even told her off for scaring him at one point! She's pregnant right now and I'm really considering getting their kid an obnoxiously loud toy each birthday.

It happens every time we catch up with them and they just don't take no for an answer and ignore our requests to just let him be - doesn't matter if it's DH or me saying it. They usually stop if MIL says something, but then she comes over and does the same thing (although she does stop we when point it out)!

Maybe it's just because I never did, and still don't, have any interest in holding other people's baby (aside from my own of course!), but is it really that hard to just leave us alone?

I was actually taking to my husband about this very subject tonight.

We both said we'd give anything to go back to that time of our lives, and relive having a baby. It goes by so quickly.

Edited to add - we also remembered what you were describing, the fawning family and friends, everyone wanting a hold, offers to feed / change / take them out in the pram etc. All very annoying and overwhelming.

No idea, especially when they see them often enough. I think it’s a bit ridiculous to behave in such a manner as if a baby is a toy to be passed around, especially when the baby is obviously unsettled.

I took DD1 with me to see family. Mind the flight was 10 hours one way so we were in a completely different time zone, she was out of routine, out of comfort zone, and my relatives are quite loud compared to what she is used to at home so of course she didn’t want to leave me because I was the only person she knew and remembered. She started to settle a bit and warm up to people once it was much quieter and she got to explore a bit and let others hold her, but one of my cousins was a nightmare because she deemed herself the baby whisperer and DD1 didn’t want her holding her at first. Then when she did finally warm up to her, she was annoyed that she hadn’t from the first meeting 🙄. Can’t imagine being 50-something and being upset that a 10 mo who has never met you doesn’t want you holding them.

Kindy, I think you need to chill. You don't see why the babies aunties might be excited and want to see the baby. I get why you're annoyed, but honestly it's nice they care and are interested.

Why should OP have to chill if family members can’t respect simple boundaries?

You can care, be interested and be excited without being up in a baby’s face. Let the parents settle their baby first. Not a difficult ask or thing to consider. My own nieces and nephews are better behaved than many of the adults talked about on here and definitely wasn’t raised as a child to be up in a baby’s face unnecessarily.

Like I said, it's nice when people care about your child. Not everyone has that. In a few more years OP will be moaning that no one ever visits or gives a shit about her child (which they won't if you're going to be rude and make them feel unwelcome). It's family, not a bunch of homeless lepers.

This. Try turning up at your in laws and no-one is interested in your baby. It's a lot worse. Try to relax.

I think for a lot of people the physical act of touching or holding a baby feels good psychologically.

You can still behave appropriately despite this though by doing things like asking first and giving a parent some space to calm their baby.

I was wondering the same the other day. Babies are cute and lovely but like you I was never interested in holding someone’s babies.
It doesn’t mean that I’m not interested, I’m but I can go without holding and be restrained while looking at them .

Oh wait until you have 6 foot plus bony teens who give you a half arsed hug (if they can be bothered) once a week and then someone turns up with a gorgeous squishy baby. 😁

Ha ha, yes and grunts at you when you ask how they are!

It's just a primal? urge for me, like I just want to scoop them up for snuggles. I don't because I'm not very good with other people's babies and it's weird so I just touch their tiny hands and feet if I know the parent. I think sometimes people forget themselves and go all gooey.

As a parent I had no issues with people wanting to hold my babies but it's incredibly frustrating when you are trying to settle them and everyone won't leave you all alone so you aren't wrong but other people don't mean any harm, they are just excited.

My youngest is only nearly 8 but it feels like a lifetime ago that he was so tiny and I would love to experience it again without having to have another child!

It’s not about them caring about your baby. If the cared they would see he was crying and leave him in peace. They see it as no real harm done while they get what they want when they want it. They’re behaving like toddlers with no impulse control. They are probably the same people who think children should be made to kiss and hug adults when they don’t want to.

Maybe try putting a finger to your lips and then saying “not right now “. As you might to a toddler.

I don't want to touch them. I remember being younger and pretending that I wanted to as I thought that's what you were supposed to do, to show interest. Now I would just say, "oh it's so lovely" or something.

Why is it adults get boundaries to say “I’m having a moment to myself, I’m overwhelmed” but if a parent know her child needs to take a moment, it’s suddenly a different story.

Babies aren’t toys. They are human too

Babies are people magnets.

I'm more venting than actually angry and I assure you they are very much welcomed and given plenty of cuddle time. Also these people have way too much love to ever not visit or care, so much love it's just a touch overwhelming sometimes haha

Although I will say that caring means having the child's best interest at heart - caring would mean letting him settle first!

Ahh good description!
At what point does the primal urge for smooching the baby's feet stop
All I get are flashbacks to him stocking his feet in mud and creams and etc whenever possible 😂

I absolutely hate people being granny with my baby. I have come to blows with family members over it and have smacked away strangers hands while out in public. Why the fuck people think they have the right to touch other peoples children is beyond me, especially strangers!! If you touched any other mammals baby it would rip your face off, but people think human babies are fair game because they have this weird uncontrollable urge to squish and smell them. Stay away!

It was normative behaviour for centuries.

It's only very recently become something that anyone would see as unusual.

This. It's a natural instinct (for most people anyway).

I agree. When I come on Mn I start despairing about the way humanity is going. Fortunately I don't find this in real life.

Because they are gorgeous and scrummy and nice. I can control myself now. But when I am older, I fully anticipate being one of the people that you hate

It's shocking how many think it's acceptable to completely ignore the fact a baby is a person with its own needs because they're scummy and nice and they want a squish. Peak entitlement. I honestly don't understand, nobody thinks they have the right to just go up to an adult and touch them and squish them, why are children viewed as not needing to consent?

That's ok. I don't need you to understand.

I suggest you avoid taking a baby anywhere in Southern Europe then.