Why are people so obsessed with touching babies?

[MyBusyTurtle]

Went to a family outing on the weekend which ended up being a surprise engagement party. So way more people and music than we anticipated. We had also stayed at the GP place the night before so we could go to said catch up as we live 2 hrs away.

Our 4 month old was already a bit upset from the drive over and a really bad sleep, so we said hello to everyone, told them he is a bit overwhelmed and that we were going to find a quiet corner until he settles.

But lo and behold, we were flocked with people wanting to touch the baby and get in his face which made him cry. And most of this were his aunties who had seen him all yesterday and that morning with plenty of cuddles!

I kept telling them to give us a moment and they'd give about a minute before coming back over and talking about how much they want to 'eat him' or bringing over another relative who would also get in his face and ask to hold him. I even went inside to breastfeed him and people still followed. My SILs husband even told her off for scaring him at one point! She's pregnant right now and I'm really considering getting their kid an obnoxiously loud toy each birthday.

It happens every time we catch up with them and they just don't take no for an answer and ignore our requests to just let him be - doesn't matter if it's DH or me saying it. They usually stop if MIL says something, but then she comes over and does the same thing (although she does stop we when point it out)!

Maybe it's just because I never did, and still don't, have any interest in holding other people's baby (aside from my own of course!), but is it really that hard to just leave us alone?

Evolution? It's biologically advantageous for adults to get all gooey around babies. It makes them more likely to save them from a predator or notice that they are about to eat something that will make them ill and intervene.

It's a social thing I think, people are very drawn to babies. They're cute and new and it often brings up a lot of feelings in people who remember their own baby, wish they had a baby, and so forth. It's quite a human thing.

You get to decide as a parent whether you're comfortable with it or not, and to what extent. I was pretty horrified and shocked with baby DS finding out how entitled complete strangers felt to touch him. One older woman literally put her finger IN HIS MOUTH to suck in a queue in the shop, during a bloody pandemic. Before I could stop her.

I didn't personally mind much the odd little foot squeeze or something, if we were already chatting, but people who would randomly just approach and beeline to touch him I wasn't impressed with and refused to go along with. He's a person. Just because he's a baby and too small to be able to assert his own boundaries doesn't mean he doesn't get to have any!

Because babies are lovely.

Blimey… actual blows ?

This 🤣

Yes, exactly!

Wow. You know that babies that are cuddled and loved and given lots of rounded affection from lots of people tend to thrive. They learn that they are special and people like them and that that's a good way to be treated.
That's how they socialise and how people form bonds with babies and therefore to look after them when they stop being quite so cute.

It's the same the world over and a very important stage of development.

Babies that aren't cuddled by anyone fail to thrive even if all that other needs are being met. That's how important touch is.

I was never a baby person until mine were all grumpy teens. Now I love a squishy baby. I usually just do smiles and wave

I am a baby person but I'm also a "respect parents boundaries" advocate because I've been on the receiving end of people disregarding what I've said as a mother and it's crap.
I make sure mum/dad has the help they need if they are in my presence. If I get to hold baby, then fab. If they want me to make them a cuppa/give them some space instead that's grand too. Im normally just happy to spend time with my family.

As others have said, babies are supposed to be part of a community. They are precious and need the protection of adults. Inorder to do.this they are cute, unlike adults, who can look after themselves. We are all also programmed to respond to distressed babies.

When DDs were young and we spent summers in Italy, they were literally passed around the hotel guests and staff, not one of whom I had met before. They were cuddled, kissed, loved. How blessed they were.

People love babies. You are massively overreacting.

If you went and no one gave a shit, you'd be on MN complaining about it.

God I’d have been delighted if a load of relatives wanted to hold my baby for a bit. My DS was super fractious. I was just grateful for the time off. Any reason why a relative couldn’t settle your baby? My MIL and one of my aunts were fantastic at it! Everyone says they want a “village” and wonders why they don’t have one, then at the same time rejects that village when they get involved! Madness.

I agree with @Overtheway it’s human nature, evolution, call it what you like.
We circle around the infant to ensure it’s safe, clocking its existence in case of emergency. Just like elephants and whales working together to protect the group’s young.

https://animalresearcher.com/why-do-elephants-form-protective-circles-around-their-calves/

Babies need to be cuddled by their parents. Not strangers. They especially don't need strangers anywhere near them when they have barely any immune system and aren't old enough to be vaccinated yet because that's how you get sick babies. They also don't need to be cuddled by relatives who don't thrive a shit that the baby is tired, upset, crying, just wants it's mum because they're entitled to their cuddles.

It's really strange to jump straight to babies never being cuddled as a form of emotional neglect just because I don't want other people all over my baby.

My baby was constantly cuddled by me and her father, she had intermittent cuddles from her grandparents and aunts when it wasn't to her detriment and just to fulfill their desires. I have taken her off several family members who were being overbearing with her. At 14 months she's ahead of all her milestones and thriving. She's happy, secure, speaking well, really playful and sociable with other children at nursery and play group and has never been sick. Guess she didn't need those strangers getting their grubby hands all over her after all!

In other cultures babies get passed around and have a jolly old time. People aren't so uptight.

You'd be pissed off if they said 'What's it's name again?' and then walked straight past you excitedly because the host's new puppy or kitten had been brought out.

It's a normal, natural human evolutionary instinct. That instinct is also why puppies and kittens are so appealing. It's how humans have survived and animals have been domesticated.

Strangers?….Intermittent cuddles with grandparents when it wasn’t to her detriment? Bloody hell!

Yes it is so much healthier to show no interest in a baby then there would be over dramatics of no one cares

I would pass it around freely and take time for yourself.

If you're lucky one of them will soon be covered in vomit or shit and serve them right!

Babies are only attractive to their mothers, let's be honest. Most of them look like malformed potatoes. Everyone else is being polite. Don't kid yourself.

In reality they are noisy stinky and irritating with a plastic faeces retaining bag strapped to their nether regions.

Yet the parents never accept my polite refusal when asked to hold it so I stiffen, the child is handed to me and the inevitable happens.

Face scrunches up and goes red, it retches, vomits, and then does that weird arching, striving thing with arms and legs. Generally at that stage it is removed.

But if you have people willing to put up with that, fill your boots and have a great time!

It’s anthropolgy.

Babies need lots of care so are as cute as possible to get it.

I mean I'm personally a bit obsessed with babies. To me they are the cutest, loveliest things ever. I would happily cuddle babies all day. I have a one year old and remain broody when it comes to babies 😂 I totally get why people go a bit crazy for them. I think there is just something special about a baby!

But having said that, I wouldn't harass someone to hold their baby or get in their face, etc. They are just simple boundaries to follow.

On the flip side, it would also suck if you're family wasn't interested.

Quite!

If you’re lucky your baby will have happy and fulfilling relationships with your friends and family and will be confident with other people. I’m sure that’s what you meant to say, isn’t it?

Personally, I would never, want or ever try to touch a strangers baby, unless asked to, maybe to help out for some reason (?) that would be a bit weird to me, but if the baby is related, I would honestly want them or myself to have a little hold / cuddle, but would also respect the parents wishes if that's not OK with them.
I used to love it when my family wanted to have a 'baby cuddle' - not everyone has the plague, and a 'baby cuddle' can do wonders for that persons feelings, & baby bonding, if that's still a thing - maybe a quick hold / even hold hands with said baby can make someone's day, in the right circumstances. (Also, selfishly thinking - future babysitting?? One day that may be a real issue?)

The baby doesn't know or care, as long as he / she is safe. And the parent is there, with them. As long as said people are clean, & respectful,(with a family baby), I cannot see the problem.(Unless, baby needs a feed / sleep etc eg after a long journey, as mentioned).
(And following & watch BF is totally not acceptable in any way at all unless the person is OK with it - I would have kicked them out).
But totally agree - NOT strangers. Oh, no, not my baby.
PS Light-heartedly - I guess it almost has stopped when my 'baby' became a 6' 4" man, but his aunties & family still give him a cuddle! And he hugs back. (But no, not strangers - I would still bomp them away, if he wasn't comfortable - even if he is over a foot taller than me, lol - squishy or not).(Tiger Mum etc). xx