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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I wrong to feel upset

82 replies

Butterfliesarebeautiful · 23/07/2025 17:06

I met my partner when I (20f) was 19 and he was 34. I have a 1 year old son from a previous relationship. We have been together a year and he has always made me feel like the most beautiful, special
person in the world and he treats my son very well which is obviously the most important thing to me. However he recently asked me to go to a three day event with him where we would have to camp. I was very excited as it would be out first time away together and I arranged for my mum to babysit. She’s very very close to my son so no worries there. A few days after he asked me I mentioned the trip to him and he denied ever asking me!! I was shocked and upset but wondered if I’d got it mistaken somehow. Anyway, he went and came back three days later with presents for me and we went out that night for a drink. While we were out we bumped into two girls that I know and turns out so does he. It came out in conversation that he’d met these girls at the event and helped them put up their tent etc. it’s worth noting that I have bad blood with one of these girls after she slept with an ex whilst I was with him and my partner knows this. I was really upset that he’d not mentioned it to me and I’ve got it in my head that he stopped me going to the event as he’d found out that the girls were going and was hoping to get off with one of them. He went with a friend which he’d already arranged when he asked me to go along with them. It’s eating me up thinking of him and his friend and these two girls at the event. I don’t think he slept with either of them but I can’t help thinking he went hoping to get off with them and came back to me as a poor substitute when nothing transpired. He won’t talk to me about it, just says he’s not talking to me about nonsense and it’s all in my head. I can be jealous so don’t know if that’s clouding my judgement. Thank you if you’ve read this long post. I’d love some advice. I’m feeling very worthless at the moment.

OP posts:
ZoomingSusan · 24/07/2025 07:52

You can’t trust him , it’s over sadly.
Next time maybe wait for a year at least before introducing your little son to a boyfriend. The breakup will be sad for him too.

ThatMauveReader · 24/07/2025 07:58

Dear girl please get out and stay out. You are worth way more than this and you are soooo young. Your jealousy isn’t that really is it? It’s you knowing that this gaslighting behaviour is weird and wrong. Listen to your gut.
Hold your head high, model safe and stable relationship dynamics for your son and find someone who isn’t 14 years older than you.

Butterfliesarebeautiful · 24/07/2025 10:49

Thank you to everyone who answered me, I know you are all right and I just needed it said to me. It’s over, I’ve told him and that is that. My focus is my son and I have no intention of meeting anyone new for a long time.

OP posts:
ScorchingEgg · 24/07/2025 11:20

I understand that it’s difficult when you trust someone, and you have doubts or lack of confidence in yourself, to believe what they are saying over your intuition. However, one of the most important things you can do is to model good behaviour for your son. What do you want him to learn about relationships as he grows? You would want him to be respectful and honest and to be good to other people. When you start to think of it through how you wish the world to be for him, link that back to yourself - you are just as worthy as your son, you are just as entitled to respect and love and trust. Sometimes we need to learn to love and trust ourselves before we can extend it to others. Take time for yourself, work on your own development and your son’s future. You are so much better than this man.

Butterfliesarebeautiful · 24/07/2025 12:23

ScorchingEgg · 24/07/2025 11:20

I understand that it’s difficult when you trust someone, and you have doubts or lack of confidence in yourself, to believe what they are saying over your intuition. However, one of the most important things you can do is to model good behaviour for your son. What do you want him to learn about relationships as he grows? You would want him to be respectful and honest and to be good to other people. When you start to think of it through how you wish the world to be for him, link that back to yourself - you are just as worthy as your son, you are just as entitled to respect and love and trust. Sometimes we need to learn to love and trust ourselves before we can extend it to others. Take time for yourself, work on your own development and your son’s future. You are so much better than this man.

Edited

Thank you. I know you are right. I always knew really. I appreciate everyone who has given me advice and kind words. Onwards and upwards now.

OP posts:
ForUmberFinch · 24/07/2025 17:22

What a piece of work. Gaslighting then trying to buy your affection with gifts. Get RID

Hedgedone · 24/07/2025 23:13

Well done OP.
Women who love too much by Robin Norwood might be a good read for you.

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