How many clubs is too many? (Lighthearted)

[dontcomeatme]

Inspired by nearly every thread I read. How many days a week is your DC in a club of some sort? My friend, for example, has 3 kids and they each do something nearly every night and they're all in different locations. So even though both parents drive, they need a grandparent and/or an aunt to help with clubs. Is this not excessive? 😬 Shouldn't kids learn to be bored or how to entertain themselves at home? I remember growing up we only attended a dance club on a Saturday morning, and my brother did football twice a week. However, we all had to get the bus to our clubs independently. The rest of the time we played outside, eating berries and playing stupid games. My oldest is only 2.5yo but I'm dreading the club phase if this is the expectation? What's it like in your household? Something every day or once a week? Also, how is everyone affording all the clubs 😭 my 2yo does swimming on a Saturday, none negotiable for the forseeable, but that's £40 a month already. We are on the wait list for Tumble Tots and that's another £40 pcm. We put their CB into their own accounts and that pays for their clubs. But we wouldn't be able to go over this amount!
YABU - Kids should go to clubs every day possible
YANBU - Once/twice a week is fine and doing one nearly every day is excessive and stressful for parents.
I would be worried multiple clubs like this sets an expectation on the child to think they need constant entertainment 😬 ain't nobody got time for that!

Ps. This post is not about wraparound care or after shool clubs for childcare purposes. My friends DC for example go to ballet, drama, gymnastics, brownies, rainbows, swimming, football, karate, and now violin lessons 🥴

If they can't manage it between both parents then it is too many. I have 3 DC, they all did different clubs, but we always ensured at least one weeknight with nothing. And a Sunday free too.

Honestly, it depends on your family and depends on your DC. I have one who goes to one activity Monday, Tuesday, Thurs and Fri and two on a Wednesday. Plus learns a musical instrument, tournaments and concerts at the weekends. The other goes twice a week to something and doesn't have weekend commitments.

Both options are fine. I do think it's important to have an out of school activity, so they have friends who they're not with every day. If there are friendship issues in class, it's good for them to have somewhere without that.

Figure out what you think is reasonable, what you can afford, then offer your DC a choice of those activities.

Mine does swimming (at 5.30 so a decent break after school first), and will start Beavers in September.

4 kids, two are late teenagers so have no clubs (they never enjoyed sports anyway and were happy with brownies/guides when they were younge) one 13yo who does cadets twice a week and theatre club once a week. 5yo does dance 3 times a week and gymnastics once a week so we have clubs every week night and one on a Saturday morning. It is a lot and the extra dance classes kind of snuck up on us because she was invited to do comps. However, if we couldn't manage it ourselves we wouldn't do it. I will always try and facilitate their interests if I can though.

100% agree with this. It does depend on the DC of course, and what you can manage. My issue would be making it fair, my OH works long hours and is barely home, so it's all on me, so if DC1 wanted to attend football on a Monday and DC2 wanted to attend drama also on a Monday, how do I make that fair without external family help, which we don't have. Very difficult to manage, let's just hope all my kids have hobbies that are miraculously held on different days 🤣

We don't have family around and have one car (and my husband travels for work sometimes) so everything has to be sorted within that structure. Still super busy though - my son has football 3x/week, taekwando 2x and swimming - plus a religious school every other weekend. My daughter has dance 4/5 times a week, but she's 12 so she can mostly get herself back and forth - just a few lifts a week. We can't make mondays work out so my son goes to football with a friend and we are very grateful to them for that.

My son thrives on being busy and really needs a lot going on. My daughter doesn't particularly so we restricted it a lot when she was younger but have loosened up this year as she got a place on the comp team for dance so that's another couple lessons a week. Since she can get herself to most of it (we don't let her walk home after dark on her own) it's just the cost of it to manage, and she chose to only have dance lessons this year instead of presents for her birthday and Christmas.

I suppose that's the top and bottom of it isn't it. If you can manage the extra pick ups and drops offs without help then it's not an issue!
Yeah those extra dance classes are a pain 😏 my sister had to do the same when she started comps.

We did more with dc1 as without a sibling playmate I worried she would be bored.

Dc2 is 7 and he does two sports clubs, swimming and next year he’ll pick up drama, art, and dodgeball at school (more fun than after school club).

He also has hobbies: chess, a drop-in climbing club with a friend from time to time and MTB/ cyclocross (his favourites), skateboarding.

This seems like plenty but I know kids who do a lot more - seems like a lot of parents want their kids to learn Spanish or coding at a very young age!

This seems like a great set up. Must be so much easier when they can get the bus/walk etc.

I had one DC who was doing 7 clubs at one point and kept signing himself up to do more (apparently I was like this too). The other DC did one club and that was pretty much because I insisted they do something.

Am very excited for the time that my son can do some of it himself too! He's 9 now so counting down...

It's definitely a lot (my son has after school club 3x a week too) but we tried cutting him back and he is such high energy he was just bouncing off the walls. So we are just seeing how long we can make it work for him. The sunday morning football matches at horrible times in annoying locations is the massive problem but football would be the last thing he'd stop so we are trying to support him.

I am feeling this because my two are very active. But sometimes we have to say no to a club for one child because of the other one's commitments which seems hard on them, especially if it's something they really want to do. For example DS used to go to a sports club which clashed with a new session that had opened up for DD on a week night where her main practice was Sat morning. So we had to say no to her as they are both a car journey and we only have one car.

It kind of crept up on us. Don’t feel a lot when only 1 child was doing an activity but then add in DC2 and DC3 and suddenly it’s a lot more. Also the intensity of the activities increases- so they may do rugby once a week which is manageable when they’re little but as they progress it’s 2 trainings a week plus match and then they get selected for regional team and that’s another training and then school team etc. So it kind of all escalates!
It is tough having so many activities but the kids love it. I definitely wouldn’t make them do anything they didn’t want to.

Came on assuming this was about Club biscuits and was going to say about 6...

My 5 year old does two clubs a week, both after school. We like to keep weekends free for days out as a family and with friends, or to be able to go away somewhere for the weekend. I wouldn’t like her to do much more after school as there’s often things going on with school like discos and seasonal fairs, and often park trips and play dates with her school friends too and it would be sad for her to miss out. She has a nice balance now with her activities and friends in those, and then her school friends and school life.

DS10 does swimming and maths tutoring
DS7 does swimming and beavers

Swimming is a non negotiable until they finish stage 6. After that they can give up if they want to but have to pick another extra curricular. DS10 isn’t too far away from that but I think he will opt to continue. DS7 is several years away. At the moment neither of them want to do anything else. In some ways I wish they would develop more interests but they are happy to play at home. In other ways it’s easier if they don’t because I’m a single parent and logistics of getting them places can be tricky.

2DC

Both do a mental health related art club.
Both do a guide/scout family club
One does music
Both do swimming
One does football (training and matches)

So 4-5 clubs each per week. Its exhausting for all of us, but they enjoy them all so not sure what we would cut out.

I think it's fine for parents to chose the set up that best suits their dc and family, and you should probably judge your friend less.

No one is going to make you do the same!

I remember running around taking the dc to clubs a few days a week - there were activities they wanted to try and I think it was good for them to get a chance to try out some different sports and other hobbies. After a while they could decide which ones they most valued. But I know that just because it suited us, doesn't mean it would suit everyone.

4 kids
eldest 2 nights a week for one club. She makes her own way there. We just collect her as it’s 9.30pm finish
next one does guides one night and swimming lessons. Wants to join eldest club at end of year.
my 3rd just does swimming lessons. He’s not found anything he likes.
youngest does 1 club plus swimming lessons.

we currently have Fridays and weekends free

My DC, who are now in their 20s, didn't go to many clubs. One did Scouts for about 3 years, and had instrumental lessons but that was within school time, one did Army Cadets for... maybe about 3 months. One had swimming lessons out of school hours for about 6 months but that was because they were really bad at swimming and it felt like a safety issue, not because we micromanage them or can't say no to them. Both went to a nature related club that met once a month between the ages of about 9 and 12. They sometimes did one-off activity days during the long summer holidays and one once went to a 5-day martial arts camp. Other than that, they just pursued their own interests on their own or with friends. They are not particularly sociable people (and I think forcing them to join more clubs would have made them uncomfortable rather than caused them to be more sociable). If they had been more sociable and had been passionate about joining more clubs I think I would have restricted it to 2 each per week, on the grounds of cost and because I think they do need to learn to make their own amusements (transport wouldn't have been a problem as we lived within 10 minutes' walk of both their primary and secondary school, where most of these activities took place, and within easy walking or bussing distance of the others). I feel a bit sorry for children who go to clubs nearly every day, even if they seem to enjoy them, because they're not getting the experience of doing more freestyle, unstructured stuff and they're probably not seeing that much of their parents either.

It’s full on but sometimes is a necessity for childcare. It’s also better than being at home gaming etc.

My DS just left year 6 and did 5 clubs - scouts, football, drumming lessons, a school PE type club and a science one. Meant he had an opportunity to see friends without me organising loads of play dates and obviously exercise is good for him.

DD just left year 8 and only does two art clubs and a language one after school. She’s more independent organising time with her friends so less pressure, she’s also dropped all sports she used to love which is a shame.

Driving them around for their various social life and club events is exhausting but I think it’s worth it.

Oh and we did swimming lessons for years - now that I hated!

Exactly this! So hard to navigate x

7 for me 🤣🤣