How many clubs is too many? (Lighthearted)

[dontcomeatme]

Inspired by nearly every thread I read. How many days a week is your DC in a club of some sort? My friend, for example, has 3 kids and they each do something nearly every night and they're all in different locations. So even though both parents drive, they need a grandparent and/or an aunt to help with clubs. Is this not excessive? 😬 Shouldn't kids learn to be bored or how to entertain themselves at home? I remember growing up we only attended a dance club on a Saturday morning, and my brother did football twice a week. However, we all had to get the bus to our clubs independently. The rest of the time we played outside, eating berries and playing stupid games. My oldest is only 2.5yo but I'm dreading the club phase if this is the expectation? What's it like in your household? Something every day or once a week? Also, how is everyone affording all the clubs 😭 my 2yo does swimming on a Saturday, none negotiable for the forseeable, but that's £40 a month already. We are on the wait list for Tumble Tots and that's another £40 pcm. We put their CB into their own accounts and that pays for their clubs. But we wouldn't be able to go over this amount!
YABU - Kids should go to clubs every day possible
YANBU - Once/twice a week is fine and doing one nearly every day is excessive and stressful for parents.
I would be worried multiple clubs like this sets an expectation on the child to think they need constant entertainment 😬 ain't nobody got time for that!

Ps. This post is not about wraparound care or after shool clubs for childcare purposes. My friends DC for example go to ballet, drama, gymnastics, brownies, rainbows, swimming, football, karate, and now violin lessons 🥴

I'm not a single parent but completely get this cause my OH is barely home it was be hard to manage on my own x

We have too many:

Child 1 (10) - swimming, drama, piano, athletics, tutoring

Child 2 (7) - swimming, drama, piano, trampolining, Brownies, tutoring

Child 3 (2) - football

We're at clubs 7 days a week, both work and no family to help. But I see the huge benefit to the kids.

Don't get me wrong I'm not judging her! She constantly says herself that it's too much and she can't do it without relying on family which she hates, it eats into their wages and she hates it all, but feels like she can't stop it now!

Most parents encourage some kind of sports club out if school - usually swimming because pretty much everyone accepts that your child isn’t going to learn to swim with the school lessons alone and also other sports because frankly the more you tire them out the better they sleep and the more peace you get.

stuff like brownies and cubs is also good for building independence outside school and doing the first overnight trips, working towards badges etc.

and the payoff for all this comes when they are pre-teens or teens and are doing sport or cadets or music rather than gaming and watching porn.

Mine are all SN and not the joining type so only things they were desperately interested in.

Most of my friends dc went to all the after school clubs but that's as much additional childcare as anything else and actually made life easier in terms of pick ups.

Mine got harder as they got older because the classes started later, ds in particular had to join an adult class at 14 because of his size and that's 8-10pm.

Cost and time wise I do think it's sensible to keep an eye on their interests and encourage the ones you're going to be able to keep up- my dd got into horses which ends up being a very expensive every day and all weekend thing, I should have encouraged art but I thought she needed more fresh air!

Love this response, definitely agree x

It's amazing you can manage this but it would definitely be too much for my family! Your kids are very lucky x

We did loads of clubs and only had 1 day a week free, then stripped it back. Now we only have 2 clubs per child. I feel like clubs these days are a bit of a "keeping up with the Jones's" in some instances... People get fomo/anxiety if their child doesn't try some extreme combination of gymnastics/dance/martial arts/football/rugby/scouting etc... "How could poor Lily miss out on the opportunity to try gymnastics, just like Evelyn" 😆

Because DH has always been away a lot, mine were limited by what I could physically do.

Our schedule for next year...

Monday... free
Tuesday Cubs (DD1 Young Leader, me Leader)
Wednesday DD2 Scouts
Thursday DD1 Explorers
Friday DD2 Rugby
Saturday DD1 Climbing
Sunday DD2 Rugby (but not every week)
Then they have clubs at school up to 4 days a week... next term that 3 days of Musical rehearsals plus Badminton for DD1.

The most intense we had was when they were in Cubs/Scouts, plus swimming lessons, plus DD2s rugby.

This^

This is my thinking too! My friend started all her DC on the clubs because her friends DC joined, and now she's stuck 😅

I have always said no more than x2 clubs at once for DC, as I work full time. One of those has to be swimming as it’s an essential life skill but once they’ve learnt to swim if they want to stop free to take up another.
if I can’t afford it then it’s a no.
if it’s too frequent and they can’t get there themself as they get older, that’s a no (unless they are insanely talented and it’s a potential career etc)
I want to have a life and see friends also so can’t be here there and everywhere

Couple of nights a week was enough for me. Swimming plus one other; Brownies, gymnastics for a while, then drama. I was lucky that ballet and music lessons happened at school, so didn't need to add those in. Also lucky that DS would rather die than run around after a ball.

Thought this was going to be about Jacobs clubs

Was going to say 3 orange ones for me. I used to like the mint ones as a kid but now, bleugh!

Mine have gone through periods of doing something most days but that's with clubs at school too. Personally I like exposing them to as much as possible.

I think maybe it's the reluctance to stop that's causing the problem then? I think it's fine to do an activity for a while and then stop, the time hasn't been wasted! My dc no longer swim or ride, but I'm glad they can confidently do those activities when they want to. They no longer do ballet or music lessons, but those skills are definitely being used in their current interest in musical theatre.

Maybe it's about doing things a bit at a time so you don't get overwhelmed?

I agree with a pp when I say that there's a benefit when dc are a little older in them having hobbies they love. I shudder to think how much tiktok my 14yo would watch if she wasn't rehearsing for performances and helping out with younger dc at her youth club. But, they've always been the type of kid who likes to join in. It might not work for everyone.

Fortunately mine generally like the same stuff so although they do a lot the logistical pain is a bit less. Gymnastics, tennis, athletics are all choices they've picked up, swimming is required until competent enough. They've started tagging along to fencing with me (makes my logistics easier not harder lol as I'd be going anyway) and both do violin as older was showing signs of being good at "everything" so I wanted her to learn the joys of persistence and practice...

Also they're nicer people when exercised more than school offers.

My DS (younger of two - 11) has lots of clubs - but you ask him if he wants to drop one and he never wants to!

Three sessions a week of swimming club makes it seem like more than it is.

He had a couple of school based ones that will go now he’s going to secondary, and which I was basically using as childcare - but I expect that he’ll want to pick up some secondary school ones!

It’s doable because my eldest (16) doesn’t need regular taking and dropping to any of her clubs, which are either at school, in our house (music lesson) or she can get there by herself.

Edit - also doable because two are right by our house and he walks by himself even if I’m at home

Both of mine do an instrument, both do cubs/brownies, have had tutoring & then a variety of other things.

And yes it's expensive!

From previous experience don’t start a club unless the child begs. Everything is more work for you. The only exception is learning to swim

I feel like we have too many clubs but one of the reasons we stay in them is because everyone else is. His friends are always too busy for play dates & would never be never just to hang out at the village park.

I have to do most of the club running around but we have a lot of our doorstep which makes a huge difference.

DC7 does swimming, football, martial arts and rugby/cricket depending on the season. And is doing some tennis camp sessions over the holidays.

It does feel a lot at the moment but we're just encouraging him to try different things and see what he's good at, he enjoys them all but will have to make some decisions on what to drop over the next couple of years as you just can't fit everything in once you get older and training ramps up.

I have a 4 and 7yr old. Both do swimming which is absolutely non negotiable for us. My eldest does Beavers and karate as well and my youngest is on the waiting list for squirrels. The eldest only started karate a couple of months ago and the plan is for the youngest to choose a third activity at around the same age when the time comes. That is absolutely more than enough as they do all their clubs after school as we want to keep weekends clear from weekly commitments