How many clubs is too many? (Lighthearted)

[dontcomeatme]

Inspired by nearly every thread I read. How many days a week is your DC in a club of some sort? My friend, for example, has 3 kids and they each do something nearly every night and they're all in different locations. So even though both parents drive, they need a grandparent and/or an aunt to help with clubs. Is this not excessive? 😬 Shouldn't kids learn to be bored or how to entertain themselves at home? I remember growing up we only attended a dance club on a Saturday morning, and my brother did football twice a week. However, we all had to get the bus to our clubs independently. The rest of the time we played outside, eating berries and playing stupid games. My oldest is only 2.5yo but I'm dreading the club phase if this is the expectation? What's it like in your household? Something every day or once a week? Also, how is everyone affording all the clubs 😭 my 2yo does swimming on a Saturday, none negotiable for the forseeable, but that's £40 a month already. We are on the wait list for Tumble Tots and that's another £40 pcm. We put their CB into their own accounts and that pays for their clubs. But we wouldn't be able to go over this amount!
YABU - Kids should go to clubs every day possible
YANBU - Once/twice a week is fine and doing one nearly every day is excessive and stressful for parents.
I would be worried multiple clubs like this sets an expectation on the child to think they need constant entertainment 😬 ain't nobody got time for that!

Ps. This post is not about wraparound care or after shool clubs for childcare purposes. My friends DC for example go to ballet, drama, gymnastics, brownies, rainbows, swimming, football, karate, and now violin lessons 🥴

Or, you can force them into YOUR hobby so you can all do that together! Like a couple of parents I know, the kids don’t really enjoy tennis, or horse riding, but go they must!

Too many to me is when your rushing about like a lunatic, kids haven’t had time to go home for a pee/snack and your just flying from place to place, and your kids can’t accept an invitation to go to a friends house as they are always fully booked. We would do a max of 2 a week, then a day of nothing, day to have friend round/go to friends etc.

one mum I know was always complaining her daughter didn’t have any friends, but when people tried to invite her to play, she could never come as she went to SO many clubs, it was sad.

I always read these threads and it makes me laugh that kids these days can't be without all these expensive activities. Growing up we couldn't afford to go to clubs and we all managed to grow up unscathed. Going to things every night must be knackering for the kids. They do need rest as well

My DD (also 2) does swimming once a week and "gymnastics" (glorified softplay at this age 😂) - tbh I only signed her up for gymnastics because there weren't any toddler groups near me on Fridays and we needed something to get us out of the house, otherwise I'd just take her to a toddler group. It didn't work out much more expensive than taking her to softplay every week and it is a bit more fun than softplay as she likes the trampolines etc (even though she's godawful at them lol)

My rough plan (that will probably get chucked out the window anyway) for when she's older is that she needs to continue swimming at least until the point she's competent, but can continue longer if she wants. I will also sign her up for Rainbows/Brownies/etc because it's a walkable distance from our house and good for making friends etc, and relatively cheap. She can have one additional hobby if she really wants to, but I'm not going to push it. If she finds something she really likes and it's not a pain in the arse to get to or obscenely expensive (absolutely no horses) then she can do it. I'm hoping she enjoys gymnastics and wants to keep doing that as the school she'll be going to do an after school gymnastics club on school grounds which is effectively like childcare + club combined in one, as they go and take the children directly from their classroom to the club and then you just pick them up when they're done!

This is literally my friend. She says herself they are all like headless chickens and no one is enjoying themselves because its just too stressful. But she's also the type who doesn't let them have a day off said activity for illness or friendship groups 😒 makes no sense.

This. I was always exhausted after school, had snacks, played with friends/siblings, bit of homework and then bed! We also loved just sitting on a wall or playing stop the bus 🤣

This sounds very doable and makes complete sense to me! We'll probably try and emulate the same in our family

I think that the constant clubs every night probably adds to the anxiety that alot of young people seem to have now. Though the parents say they don't have to do them, the child might feel like they can't give it up, especially if it's an expensive one that's non refundable. I know I'd have felt like that if I'd have been in that position.

Growing up we couldn't afford to go to clubs and we all managed to grow up unscathed. Going to things every night must be knackering for the kids. They do need rest as wel

I went to scouts, youth club, dance, piano & swimming as a dc. I loved it.

My eldest does a club 7 days a week, but 3 weeknights are just at her school premises, so no ferrying around. We live a 5 min walk from school and no wraparound childcare needed, so they get home before 4.30pm and get more time at home than kids in wraparound care until 6pm. Those school based clubs only run for 10 weeks a term too, so quite short terms. The other clubs we need to take them to and it's a bigger time commitment, but they learn good skills and it's worth it. My youngest is just starting school in September and will be doing 7 clubs. We would only ever do as much as we can manage between DH and I. I would not want to be depending on GPs to ferry around. Clubs will reduce naturally as eldest gets older and closer to 11+ prep and gets a tutor.

Why is it too much if they can’t manage it just between both parents?
we have 4 dc who all do something most nights, we’ve organised taking turns with other kids at their clubs, pay a babysitter and swap favours with family and friends to manage it all.

@Lightcheese yes, my dc have often finished a club but dc are still in after school club.

Whatever works for your family. Peak clubs seemed to be yr4, for us. I think they want to try things out. They get more selective when they find out what they like. We've always managed to keep Sundays free and one evening at the least, and some things just meant staying at school for an hour, pick up at 4:15.

It went a bit nuts at one point though, I resorted to writing up a schedule pinned on the wall of who has what club where and when every evening! But some of the activities were DH/me. We said no more clubs unless you drop something. It seems to be calming down now for my eldest, who is going into yr6. She just does violin and scouts really now. I want her to pick up a sport too. I think an instrument, a sport and a social club feel like things that will keep her occupied and out of mischief as she gets older 😆

It depends on the age of the child and what the activities are. The younger the child, the more tired they will be after school. We underestimate just how much mental energy small developing minds consumes. When parents refer to the child having “so much energy at the end of the day” it usually means they are overtired.

How energetic are the activities? Do the activities compliment each other e.g., dance and piano playing? Distance travelled to get there? Are there other expectations on the parents e.g., after to help with the clean up?

As PPs have expressed, we live in a society of constant busy-ness and pressure to perform/be part of the crowd. Sometimes it all too much and somewhere we have to say no for the child and our own sake.

We’ve limited our DD(6) to three activities per week. One of which is mandatory where we live. She is massively social and would have playdates every day if I let her but she needs downtime. By Friday she is usually super tired!

I think when they are younger they can end up doing a lot. Mine all used to have something most nights. We wanted to give them the opportunity to try lots of different stuff. They are older now and have each stuck with two things.

My kids did quite a lot, because they wanted to. I did a lot of dropping off, picking up but I didn’t sit and watch, unless I had to. I’d usually go for a run in the time I was free. I didn’t join WhatsApp’s or get involved in every fixture, match, game, gala’s, concerts or recitals. It worked and doesn’t last forever.

I also prioritised their stuff over mine, house stuff, going out and eating out to be able to afford it. It all cost a lot and I wasn’t earning a great wage.

DD does kickboxing, but she only got into it because me and her dad do it. I would love DS to be interested too when he’s a bit older… but he’s a lover not a fighter. They get one club each, and they have to stick at it for 6 months minimum. That was my mum’s rule and I actually think it’s pretty good so I stole it. I did have to do 6 months of dance which I hated, but it taught me perseverance and also that I’m shit at dancing.

We do swimming, but that’s for my peace of mind, I don’t care if they like it or not they need to swim. I couldn’t swim till I was an adult and I don’t want that for them.

Maybe we are awful parents but I can’t be doing ferrying two (soon to be three) kids about to loads of clubs.

my kids do one club each - football and drama.

Love the 6 months rule I'm definitely stealing that 😁

As many overexcited first time parents (feeling guilty of working full time) we signed baby/toddler DS up for several different activities at weekend: swimming, rugby, football, athletics.... Benefits: zero. Our DS was already in a social setting 5 days a week full time and didn't need any extra socialization. And those early classes don't really teach any super valuable skills. It's really just for parents!

After the toddler years, we only signed him up for 'regular' swimming lessons (no parents in water type) and after he started school we gradually added extra curricular activities. They are run by clubs on the school premises and only last 45 minutes at the end of a school day. We started with one on the second term, than two, then three as he loved them, it was a great way to stay active and it was convenient for us to pick him up a bit later.

Now he's a little bit older he's still swimming once a week at weekend, he goes to 2-3 extra curricular activities at school and we take him to two other clubs during the week.

We said no a lot more when my daughter was younger but now I see a huge benefit to her being busy now that she's in high school. Otherwise she'd just come home and faff around and high school is a lot less physically active than primary school so it's just a lot of sitting. Now she has loads of time to do whatever she wants with friends, but she also has 1-2 hours of dance most evenings so she's physically fit and busy enough.

My son... he just hates being on his own, is super social and loves running around. He has playdates most weeks as well, but my husband and I work full time so he's at after school club anyway. It's not like he'd have the time for playdates on weekdays with or without football, no one is having playdates at 7pm. so I'm happy for his sake for him to be busy - it's more the stress on us that's the issue sometimes.

Every damn night. And weekend. And holiday camps. She could never be busy enough. I feel like I'm unemployed now she's gone to uni, and a year on, still see a long bath as a treasured luxury.

Luckily the other one is bone idle and just goes to a youth club once a week. Funnily enough, he manages to walk to it and not pester me for chauffeuring.

What happened to the fruit clubs, in the purple wrapper with the raisins in them? I miss them and can't find them anywhere...

Back to the thread and it seems my children are woefully short of clubs compared to others. My son is ND, has tried cricket club, kick boxing and karate- but doesn't stick to them. He does attend homework club straight after school three days a week though.
My daughter does Pony club once a fortnight and choir once a week.

I don't have the time or energy for doing something every evening though.

<goes back to the golf threads>

DS7 only has one club which is swimming. Unfortunately everything is a bit of a drive from us (swimming is a 1 hour round trip) so options are limited. There are a few kids I know who seem to do lots of clubs but it looks exhausting with all the travel on top. DS isn't really interested in anything else at the moment, although I'd be open to a local activity in the week if something comes up.

11yo DD1 has something 6 days a week (plus competitions once or twice a month on average), but it's actually only 2 sports with one of them taking just an hour once a week. Unfortunately, if they fall in love with a time-consuming sport and then do quite well at it, even 'just one extracurricular' can turn into quite a beast. On the cost front, her main sport is actually very reasonable with her 8hrs/wk costing just under double what the 30mins/wk cost us in the early days (comps, specialist equipment/clothing, and the extra food needed are obviously more on top of this, however...).
It also doesn't affect the time I get to spend with her too much as I volunteer with the club. Parents tend to car pool too, so with a bit of networking and reciprocating the taxi-ing can be massively reduced.

9yo DD2 does the same 2 hobbies as her sister, but for her this currently equals 3hrs and 3 days a week (with 2 of these hours and locations matching DD1's). She also does Cubs on top of this, which takes her to 4.5hrs/week over 4 days, plus comps for one of her sports 5 times a year (which her sister will also attend). There is only 1 day where they need to be at different locations at the same time, so it's very manageable between me and DH.