Can’t work out how much DH golf is reasonable - help!

[Southern1964]

Married 13 years, decent marriage most of the time.
DH has loved golf for the most part but this is the one thing that causes friction.
Currently plays once a week 8-1pm Saturday or Sunday, or a Friday afternoon. Has been on a 4 days trip to Spain already in June this year, a few corporate days in the week, playing at another club in a week or so (a few hours away)
Just found out by accident (without him checking in first) that he has booked another ‘stay over’ mid August a few days before we go on our summer holiday, a weekend we’d use to pack and get sorted.
Its an understatement to say I am furious, this is costing over £300 when he’s already spent so much already and I’ve helped him with some of it.
Its making me so resentful to the point I stiffen up even at the mention of golf or anything associated with it because frankly I think he’s taking the piss.
We have a 6, 11 & 14 year old so pretty busy with activities too.
He say it’s his ‘hobby’ and he doesn’t stop me doing anything (I go to a few 6am gym classes and straight to work so he will do school drop off on 2 days)
I just don’t know how to deal with it. I feel like I’m festering on the edge of psycho at the moment as he just can’t see my POV 😕
Any advice welcome…..

husband golfs 3 times a week, weekends away in amongst being a sport coach 3 times a week…
i don’t think they realise how much time is away from the home so a reality check is required.
booking things without checking isn’t on and your husband knows this!

I bet the others he goes on the trips with are older or at a different stage in life, ie don't have young kids.

FiL played a lot of golf but when his dc had left home. Plus he wasn't at an expensive club, plus he could afford it.

It’s not just ‘packing’ though, is it? It’s emptying the fridge, locking all the windows, putting the lamps on a timer, arranging cash up front for the cleaner, asking a neighbour or a neighbour’s kid to put the bins in and out and water the pots and pre-paying them if necessary, cancelling Ocado, booking a cattery and getting g the cat there, cancelling the kids’ clubs and re-jigging lift shares, making sure everything is laundered for packing, leaving the kettle and coffee-maker empty so they aren’t full of manky water when you get back, emptying the inside bins, ordering g currency, making sure elderly parents have a shop in and someone to ring if there’s an issue while you’re gone ..

im sure I’ve missed things

It’s not just a hobby, it’s an addiction, my husband is the same. We have one friend who has never allowed her second husband play golf, her first husband did and it seriously pissed her off and ended their marriage, they had 3 children together.

So far he’s been to America to watch a PGA game and a week in Northumbria on a golfing jolly, probably cost 6k in total. We have no kids at home and can afford it, but they’re like little boys. I do watch golf on TV and enjoy the womens, we’re going to watch a game next year and make a long weekend of it.

If I had children still at home like yourself I would not be happy at all, he is being selfish and needs to realise he has family responsibilities. What is it with men, they’re like children 🤔

I’d sit down now, and book myself to leave 4 days early on the family holiday. Tell him I’ll meet him there, he can pack and bring the kids.

Yes, totally agree with you.
finding yourself as the default parent is upsetting and builds resentment.
I’m putting firm boundaries in now, once a week, a trip or 2 a year, few corporate days, fine. Anything else is taking the mick, quite frankly!
didn’t have to be like this but he’s just pushed his luck and now I just feel totally disrespected.

Totally right with this. He’s pissed off he can’t keep up - not my problem!

I reckon it's because most mums don't have time outside of work, chores, childcare, kids' activities, shopping, food prep.... to have hobbies of their own, unfortunately.

I love your hobby!! I feel you should start a thread about it and tag me…. Please??

Golf takes up too much time when you have a family. If he has to play it should be fitted in around work and family stuff. Tee off early and back home straight away. No twatting about going for several beers in the clubhouse after. I don't know what it is about Golf but men get stupidly addicted to it and it takes over everything.

My DH plays golf about 3 times a week. I have a hobby that can be pretty time consuming (one or 2 evenings a week and sometimes an away day)

He does some trips but always tells me about them/puts them straight in the calendar so I know.

It's horses for courses really. DH didn't play when the girls were small and we're both the better for having time to ourselves.

There just needs to be consideration. If you're not both happy with the arrangement then it isn't working.