Would you report a friend for benefit fraud?

[Acompletelyrandomname]

The scenario:

Your child is friends with their child, that's how you know them. You're friendly and see them for play dates but you're not especially close to them as a person.

They split up with their DH after years of infidelity and the DH moved out.

She is now claiming benefits as a single parent a year on but you suspect the xDH might be living there again.

Considerations:

I think she would qualify as being a disabled person based on health problems. They also have a disabled child.

Would you report this woman?

YABU - No
YANBU - Yes

I've name changed.

Well you can’t call the woman a friend if you would report her based on your assumptions. You don’t do that to a friend

Fuck no. You "suspect" it but have no evidence and it's none of your business anyway. Why on earth would you want her kids to suffer?

I wouldn't. You don't even know the facts. Can't you focus on real fraud, like corporations?

It could very well be that the partner spends some nights there and the kid thinks that's the same as living there.
Why on earth are you talking to her children about this? Stay out of it. Maybe you need a hobby.

It takes a special type of person to pursue a course of action that would see a disabled child suffer.

No. Frankly, I don’t see how this is any of your business. Why do you care so much?

It could be possible the DC think he’s living there, but he’s actually just visiting them a lot. Children can get mixed up sometimes. Hardly a reliable enough source to report someone for fraud on.

This makes me feel all icky , I've never been on benifits fortunately however I have helped people claim in a position I had , I can takes such a long time to recieve anything your entitled to. She has a disabled child are you really that much of a vile person ?

so your kids are friends, you aren't really a friend of hers yet you do know her financial situation in that much detail? Please try harder next time.

No, on the grounds that a) you don't know and b) if they have a disabled child, the ex would very likely spend a lot of time there, co-parenting, without them being back together.

If someone was working full time, cash in hand, while claiming disability, then yes I would report them, because it's not 'snitching'. It's preventing our taxes being wasted on criminals instead of going to those who desperately need them.

Why do some adults still have the values of a 10yo?

I don't like fraudsters ripping off hard working taxpayers, but I wouldn't report someone who's child has a disability. Have a heart ffs. Would you swap lives with them? I think not

This, also the fact the OP has said it’s the DC who innocently told her. How cruel for them to be living in these circumstances and unknowingly be the cause of their vulnerable mother getting into trouble - leading who knows where - and them all (including their disabled sibling) being worse off as a result when they are probably struggling as it is. This isn’t Nazi Germany FGS.

If it were a couple manipulating the system to fund an extravagant lifestyle which featured taking their kids to school on a horse paid for by this deception (which I’ve known happen!) it would be another matter entirely.

Try and demonstrate a modicum of human empathy, OP, rather than seethe at a family having an ‘advantage’ you don’t and be grateful you’re not in their shoes.

Also - you don’t know if he’s contributing anything at all to the household income. His wife may tolerate his presence for any number of reasons - help with DC, herself, loneliness, love - in spite of everything.

As a PP said - have a bloody heart!

Not in this case no and not because of any childish I'm not a snitch reasons. She sounds like she's in quite a vulnerable situation and I wonder if he's abusive. Having a disabled child is another strain.

But someone I knew worked for the council, had a husband with a lucrative job, drove a new BMW and was caught claiming housing benefit. She was extremely lucky not to be prosecuted and I think it would've been fine to dob her in. Some people absolutely deserve it. It's not a victimless crime because that money should be available to support the truly vulnerable not the entitled and greedy.

No I wouldn’t.
Theres nothing in what you’ve said that is anywhere near definite, proof, or even likely!!
None of your business and you aren’t the stasi as pp has rightly stated!! Focus on your own life. I think it’s horrible of you tbh. X

It's everyone's business who pays taxes if someone is ripping off benefits they're not entitled to. Only you can know if she is a cf who deserves to be reported.

Not from just hearing from a child. I would if I had proof though, whoever it was, nothing to do with being horrible, it would be fraud and needs to be reported but in this case I wouldn't as you don't sound very sure and children can just say anything.

If I KNEW benefit fraud was being committed then, yes, absolutely I would report. But your post is full of hearsay and speculation so, no keep your nose out and stop with the false accusations.

My ex calls round at mine most days (long story but my DD won’t go to his house after he got married to someone she met once, and moved her and her 15yr old son in) but he certainly doesn’t live here, and we are definitely not back together. We have been split 15yrs and we have been on 4-5 holidays together in that time. People on my social media who don’t know the whole story may think we are together as we go away together (well not anymore, when both single). I’d probably keep out of it, as you don’t have any evidence he is 100% back there all the time. If they are not living together then it’s fine, even if back together. Pretty sure there’s loads of people who do this, get back together but keep the money going for a while. Temping, but could get into big trouble.

Not under those circumstances.

Unless or until you have definitive proof of fraud, I would not get involved.

When my ex-husband and I were breaking up, he went to live with his parents.

He came over to my place every day after work and stayed until the dc were in bed.

Maybe it is something like that.
I would keep out of it.

I want to watch please 💩👏👏👏

No...you are not her friend.

I wouldn’t report her, and here’s why.

Having a disabled child means she may need extra help at home. Her partner might be there to support her because the child has additional needs.
Maybe living separately is what works best for their situation.

Also, if she’s disabled and her child is disabled, then she’s his carer. She’s probably receiving Carer’s Allowance, DLA/PIP. The money you’re seeing is likely from those entitlements — and her family is entitled to that support.

I would stop doing playdates — she likely thinks you’re a friend, but it seems like you have very little understanding of what their life is really like.

Yes, she technically shouldn’t be claiming as single if her partner is living there full-time. But there may be reasons why she’s doing that, and it’s not always black and white.

No because you don’t actually know what is going on.

If it were to be investigated she would have her money stopped while they looked into it purely on the word of a child.

If the friend said that she was cheating the system then yes.