Would you report a friend for benefit fraud?

[Acompletelyrandomname]

The scenario:

Your child is friends with their child, that's how you know them. You're friendly and see them for play dates but you're not especially close to them as a person.

They split up with their DH after years of infidelity and the DH moved out.

She is now claiming benefits as a single parent a year on but you suspect the xDH might be living there again.

Considerations:

I think she would qualify as being a disabled person based on health problems. They also have a disabled child.

Would you report this woman?

YABU - No
YANBU - Yes

I've name changed.

What? This is your friend? Absolutely not. Not in a million years would I report them. I wouldn't actually report anyone as it isn't any of my business but a friend? Hell would freeze over.

No.

And children are not reliable narrators anyway.

No.

Would you want everyone in your life to take the word of your 7yo as gospel?

No, I wouldn't. Even if she wasn't my 'friend'. Benefits are a pittance and it sounds as though she's been through the mill. Mind your own.

1. Don't call her your friend when you are not a friend firstly.

1. Why are you taking the words of kids as gospel over the actual adult in the situation - kids get the wrong end of the stick all the time/ tell fibs.

1. Is it not possible he's around a lot as they're trying to figure out coparenting in the best way for their child

1. Is it not possible that they're tentatively rekindling but aren't at a stable enough point where she'd stake her financial security on it. If it was a new boyfriend who was staying over a few nights a week would you report her?

1. Kids are disabled, she's disabled why tf do you want to make things harder or have them put under the stress of an investigation or suspended benefits

1. If she and the kids are disabled is it not possible they're dependent on him for care at times if one or the other is struggling? Why should she be left on her own to deal with that while he gets a full night's sleep.

This is quite literally NOTHING to do with you. I think you need to look at this time you have on your hands and try to fill it with something that's more fulfilling that helps you mind your business.

Definitely not. People thinking they know other people’s business from a snapshot of their lives is one of my pet hates.

Their child is disabled and the mum has health issues that you consider could classify her as also being disabled. So it's it more reasonable to assume the XH is there a lot because of that?

Small children's perception of time isn't always accurate. And maybe they want their parents back together, so they are saying stuff they want to be true.

Does your friend even want him around that much? It sounds like her situation makes her a bit vulnerable.

So no, I wouldn't report. Could you really put her through being investigated because you're suspicious?

I do hope she has some other friends, though.

As a single parent to a disabled child myself it is exhausting, stressful and relentless. The benefits don’t cover half of what my son needs and I’m always in debt. To even be considering adding to her stress is unforgivable whatever her living situation is. Stay out of it, mind your own business and have some emotional intelligence

Yes. We are in enough shit in this country From benefit cheats

it amazes me that everyone is moaning about how thee is no money for the nhs, etc etc

well benefit cheats dont help do they it’s everyone responsibility to report if they think cheating is going on

No, you haven’t got a clue what’s going on and are just being a shit person. Mind your own business.

What do you think you achieve by devoting so much thought to this?

Not a jot. It just is not your business.

It's got frig all to do with you! Why are you like this?

No wouldn’t even come into my head. My ex use to stay over occasionally as he lived far away, we weren’t together and he slept on the sofa.

Why do you care anyway? Are you the enforcer of the world's morals?
It doesn't affect you in any way. And you're probably wrong anyway.

He can stay there and there be no fraud.
If he has a separate home he pays rent on or a mortgage alongside council tax then even reporting 'your friend' will be pointless.
Focus on your own life, stop listening to what children say about issues they don't understand and stop thinking the worst of your 'friend.'
Perhaps you could offer to help her out instead of criticising her.

Hahaha. The tiny amount benefit fraud taking place is not the reason we are in the shit
It IS however, the excuse used to treat benefit recipients like criminals.

So a lady you know who suffered years of infidelity is claiming benefits but she's trauma bonded and probably is confused about what she wants so she's keeping her private life PRIVATE. And anyway, what the fuck has it got to do with you? Is the child safe and thriving? Has she bragged about milking the system? Or are you just the judgemental twat in the playground. Bet you'd die the second someone found out about a hard time in your life and if you were reported by a so-called friend to give her more stress and financial issues which directly affects the child. You are no hero

Children are NOT reliable in who lives where.. perhaps because both the child and mother have disabilities then dad is providing care so is indeed in the home a lot? With 50/50 arrangements becoming more common for child arrangements and more couples unable to seperate with both having adequate space for the children to spend time with the other parent, the sort of arrangement where the 'non resident' parent (not sure they even call it that anymore) cares for the children in the family home is becoming increasingly common. My sister became single when her children were teens. Her ex moved back to his mother's and he saw the children at their home as there was no space to do so at his mother's. He didn't sleep in the family home but would often be there until late in the evening, particularly if my sister was working nights.
Benefits get stopped if they wish to investigate. Be very sure of your 'facts' before triggering an investigation for someone who already has a lot going on in life. Don't ever rely on a child's word, dad could be going home after they've gone to bed. My son age 3 declared to a Cafcass officer that he lived in fimble valley and I'd apparently produced a baby brother!!!!

Personally, just don't get involved.

No good will come from it.

Just get a hobby or a personal passion to live your life to.

You could find yourself in a whole loadda shite to get involved with it.

Daily Mail journo fishing alert.

No, because I'm not a piece of shit.

I would hate a friend like you

Perhaps he’s financially controlling or abusive and she doesn’t want to be left up shit creek without a paddle if he ups and leaves again. I mean, let’s face it, if they’ve already split up once that would suggest that all is probably not rosey in their relationship. It’s not really right, but I’m a big believer in women being able to have access to their own income.

If she declared they were a couple she’d either lose all her benefits and have to financially rely on him entirely, or their benefits would be a joint income and he could control it. She’s not trapped by him if she claims as a single person and he decides to leave or they have fall out and split. Also, if she declares they are a living together and loses her benefit because he earns too much, she would have to wait six weeks for a new claim if they split.

The way the system is set up I’m not surprised some couples claim as single. The whole system needs looking at. I had a friend who become reliant on her abusive partner for money, she was unable to work due to chronic health issues and couldn’t leave because he brought home the money! This is a massive flaw in the law and puts a lot of women at risk.

It’s not fair on someone who works if they have to take on full financial responsibility for someone disabled/not working and neither is it fair that adults should be left in a vulnerable position where they have to rely on someone else.