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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sister's wedding and no children invited

713 replies

BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:15

My younger sister is getting married next year and no children (including family children) are invited to any of the wedding celebrations. We will have two children by then (aged 2.5 and 6 months). They are the only children in the family.

The wedding is 2 hours drive from our home and over 3 days - starting on Friday and ending on Sunday.

Our blood family only consists of my Mum and Sister and so I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there). I work full time and weekends with my children are important to me and so I'm sad to have to spend 2 days away from them.

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

OP posts:
DinosandRegrets678 · 21/07/2025 16:00

She has made her choice. I think you resign as MoH and only go for the day. Realistically, you cannot leave a 6 month old for a whole weekend, and it wouldn't really be fair to your DH to have to look after both for so long anyway.

Your argument about weekends being precious is moot as you'll be on mat leave anyway.

TheAmusedQuail · 21/07/2025 16:00

Just email your sister and give your heartfelt regrets, that you can't attend because you don't have childcare, and really can't leave a 6 month old baby with someone that isn't a close family member for 2 days.

Tell her it breaks your heart that you can't see her get married, and that you love her very much and wish her a lovely wedding.

She's allowed to make her choice. And so are you. Your children come first.

ThatRedBird · 21/07/2025 16:00

I think inviting children from immediate family is a reasonable approach but people are so funny about it. I have heard stories like that.
I am sorry for you OP, hopefully you will manage to attend and enjoy.
You could also suggest that your husband stays home with kids and misses the wedding, I think it is a reasonable thing. Would this work for you?
Can you husband partners to look after kids ?

Rubes24 · 21/07/2025 16:00

It's your sister! I would go for the day of the wedding only and leave DC with husband. He is their parent too and should be able to look after them for 1 day. They can stay near by if needs be.

MounjaroMounjaro · 21/07/2025 16:01

You deserve a much better extended family than the one you have, OP. On the other thread your mum seems very selfish and your sister and your mum on this thread are not coming across well.

There's no way I would be attending this wedding. You have a very young family and she's making it impossible to attend. You would be away from them for days even if you went alone - that's not in the children's best interests. Just wish them well but refuse to go. The fact she wants you as her MOH means nothing at all. She can want whatever she wants; it doesn't mean she'll get it.

makingthecut · 21/07/2025 16:01

In that situation I would either stay at the venue on my own/with my husband and have the children cared for elsewhere or all stay elsewhere if you’d rather.

Your choices are:
Both go to the wedding and arrange childcare at home.

Both go and have a relative or friend travel with you and look after the kids.

Just you go and your husband stays with the kids at home/near the venue.

Don’t go.

Your sister changing her mind is not one of the reasonable options. It sounds like this would mean completely changing her venue to accommodate a toddler and a baby that isn’t born yet. It may not be your choice but it’s perfectly ok to have a child free wedding. Your children will not remember or particularly enjoy the day.

Zempy · 21/07/2025 16:02

Well I wouldn’t leave my six month old for that long unless I absolutely had to, so I would decline the invitation. Will you be breastfeeding?

You shouldn’t consider trying to bully her into including your DC. She doesn’t want them there. All you can do is withdraw in a quiet and dignified way.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 21/07/2025 16:02

happened with my sisters wedding - i just left husband behind with kids and i went alone and had the best weekend ever childfree !

makingthecut · 21/07/2025 16:02

TheAmusedQuail · 21/07/2025 16:00

Just email your sister and give your heartfelt regrets, that you can't attend because you don't have childcare, and really can't leave a 6 month old baby with someone that isn't a close family member for 2 days.

Tell her it breaks your heart that you can't see her get married, and that you love her very much and wish her a lovely wedding.

She's allowed to make her choice. And so are you. Your children come first.

She has a husband who could look after his children if there’s no-one else.

It’s their choice whether to use that option but it’s there.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 21/07/2025 16:03

I wouldn't even be giving this much thought.

You've been invited to attend a wedding in which DC haven't been invited to which is fine, bride/groom's choice.

It's now for you to choose as to whether you attend or not.

"But I have to/must go it's family" wouldn't wash with me either. Your DC are no less their family than you are.

No one should dictate that you leave your DC, especially not for 3 days, inorder for you to attend an event of their choosing.

If it's a definite no that DC aren't to be there either you or your DSis are going to be upset by the decision you now make, but ultimately it should be what you want to do.

Fraggeek · 21/07/2025 16:03

LurkThenPost · 21/07/2025 15:57

You chose who you invited, that’s on you. I never said adults can’t misbehave, I know who I’d invite and who I wouldn’t.

Show quote history

Actually their behaviour is on them. Not us for inviting them.
Considering we had a very small intimate wedding, we do know who we invited. We can't be blamed for unusual shit behaviour of others 🙄

ShesTheAlbatross · 21/07/2025 16:04

DaisyChain505 · 21/07/2025 15:56

But it’s true. (most) people only get married and have a wedding once. Why shouldn’t they be selfish and have it exactly the way they want it. It most certainly isn’t a day to pander to everyone else’s preferences.

That being said, you have to be happy for people to say they can’t come if you’re putting on restrictions like no kids.

Show quote history

Totally agree.

Although in this case it seems like the sister really can’t have it exactly how she wants.
She wants her sister as maid of honour, and presumably wants her present for the whole thing.
She also wants her sister to leave a 6 month old for her 3 day wedding.

She probably can’t have both those things.

Nearlyamumoftwo · 21/07/2025 16:05

I haven't read the replies, but your sister is not unreasonable for not wanting kids there and you're not unreasonable for not wanting to go.

However, your sister knows that you won't be able to Come so that's a shame. In my experience children aren't invited to weddings to avoid having dozens of children there. If the bride and groom say family children only this means you would be able to come and the place won't be swarming with kids.

Flossflower · 21/07/2025 16:06

LurkThenPost · 21/07/2025 15:39

The no children trend at wedding is increasing because parents don’t parent their children or teach them discipline. Not saying this is you. But, the amount of children starting school in nappies and increased and kids aren’t being taught to brush their teeth. Then, kids behaviour at school is awful. Lack of manners and respect.

Again, not saying this is you OP - but kids need to learn to behave at weddings otherwise they won’t be invited regardless if immediate family or not.

What at 2 and 6 months!! Some children can be really badly behaved at 2 or 3 and grow into wonderful adults. Behaviour at a young age is necessarily down to parenting.

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/07/2025 16:07

Sorry, have I read this right - she expects you to leave your children for THREE DAYS?

That would be a hard no from me. I might drive up alone, attend the ceremony and meal and then drive back the same day; but, with children so small, I might decide on the day that it was best I don't (illness etc). But it would be best to just get that 'no' out there from the start.

To my mind, your sister has prioritised a venue over her family (and common sense). Your mother is an idiot for not pointing out the blindingly obvious to her.

Just say no - and mean it.

ouch321 · 21/07/2025 16:08

I mean you could refuse to go.

It would be very crappy of you to do so but if you believe that your kids ought to be there as everyone should revolve around them 24-7, then we'll I guess that's what you have to do.

Any reasonable person would understand why the b and g don't want the big memory of their day to be your child announcing to all and sundry loudly that they've done a big poo in their pants mid ceremony.

Zempy · 21/07/2025 16:09

makingthecut · 21/07/2025 16:02

She has a husband who could look after his children if there’s no-one else.

It’s their choice whether to use that option but it’s there.

Show quote history

Not if she is EBF…

istheresomethingishouldsay · 21/07/2025 16:09

I wouldn't go.
Or if you feel all hell would break out if you didn't, I would only go for the wedding day and then go home, leaving your husband with the children while you attend.

Figcherry · 21/07/2025 16:09

I’m guessing your dsis doesn’t have any dc.

She's rather thoughtless imo.

ShesTheAlbatross · 21/07/2025 16:11

ouch321 · 21/07/2025 16:08

I mean you could refuse to go.

It would be very crappy of you to do so but if you believe that your kids ought to be there as everyone should revolve around them 24-7, then we'll I guess that's what you have to do.

Any reasonable person would understand why the b and g don't want the big memory of their day to be your child announcing to all and sundry loudly that they've done a big poo in their pants mid ceremony.

It’s crappy to insist your children be invited.

Its not crappy to not have 3 days of childcare, or to not want to leave a 6 month old for that long.

I was still breastfeeding both of mine at that age. I don’t think it would have been crappy for me to say I wasn’t happy leaving them without their only source of food.

makingthecut · 21/07/2025 16:14

Zempy · 21/07/2025 16:09

Not if she is EBF…

Show quote history

Very true but there is still a choice involved. Not a great one and not one the OP wants to take but it is up to her and her husband to solve it and not the bride.

Did she even know the OP was pregnant when the venue was booked because it sounds like pretty early on.

At a recent hen day, the bridesmaid popped out a couple of times to feed. Not ideal but she really wanted to be there.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 21/07/2025 16:15

I think the reality is you can’t go for three days. I wouldn’t leave my 6mo for that long. Personally I’d drive up and do ceremony then head off home having left DH with the kids.

I’d say now, that you don’t think that logistically it’s going to work. Possibly if you stay off site and brought a babysitter with you and you and DH could duck in and out.

MummaMummaMumma · 21/07/2025 16:15

It's sad, but not unreasonable, for you her to have to kids - that's her choice.
No way I hell would I leave my kids with someone other than family. If I were you I'd go without my husband. He doesn't have to attend.
But not for 3 days, only to the wedding.
Unless you are breastfeeding, then you wouldn't be able to attend at all.

Praying4Peace · 21/07/2025 16:16

I'd be upset too

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/07/2025 16:17

ouch321 · 21/07/2025 16:08

I mean you could refuse to go.

It would be very crappy of you to do so but if you believe that your kids ought to be there as everyone should revolve around them 24-7, then we'll I guess that's what you have to do.

Any reasonable person would understand why the b and g don't want the big memory of their day to be your child announcing to all and sundry loudly that they've done a big poo in their pants mid ceremony.

Have you missed that attending would involve being away for three days from a six months old baby and a two year old for? THREE DAYS?

It's not about anything revolving around the children. It's about the difficulty of adequate childcare being available for such very young children. It would be a very big ask for, say, OP's PILs/children's grandparents to care for them for three days, and a very very big ask for a mother of a six months old (who may be breastfeeding). Too big.