Sister's wedding and no children invited

[BigSister1991]

My younger sister is getting married next year and no children (including family children) are invited to any of the wedding celebrations. We will have two children by then (aged 2.5 and 6 months). They are the only children in the family.

The wedding is 2 hours drive from our home and over 3 days - starting on Friday and ending on Sunday.

Our blood family only consists of my Mum and Sister and so I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there). I work full time and weekends with my children are important to me and so I'm sad to have to spend 2 days away from them.

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

When my first child was 5 months old we went to a family wedding. They had a dedicated room with three babysitters and even a quiet room off to the side with several travel cots in it for babies who needed to sleep.

It was honestly the best thing ever and I have such fond memories of that wedding because the couple really did a lot to make sure their guests was were properly taken care of.

Exactly this. ^ Not exactly rocket science is it?!

What thoughtful hosts, I bet everyone had a great time!

If yours are the only children in the family, I do think it’s mean.
Dh and I had a mostly childfree wedding but I could not possibly have excluded my sister’s 2 1/2 year old and 6 month old baby. They were no problem at all.

I get that some people prefer child free weddings however I do think not inviting children that are very close family strange. They are so little so I imagine leaving them would be hard and your family would be tied up in the wedding anyway!

Its not unreasonable to ask for a child free wedding, but its also very reasonable for anyone with children to decline! You can't have it both ways, if you want child free you just have to take it on the chin that parents with young children will decline.

She is 100% unreasonable to ask you to be a MOH without mentioning her wedding will be child free knowing full well you have children though. There is no way I would be away from my child that long unless they were with close family, even then I was only comfortable with 1 overnight with grandma at 3 years old. Dsis and Dm need to wind their necks in!

I don't know that society is becoming anti-children, I think it's becoming anti parents who think their children should be as adored by everyone as they are by them. It would be great if all small kids could be relied upon to behave but of course they can't, that's the nature of small children and Little Johnny running up and down the aisle isn't a cute memory for all, neither is Tallulah crying through the dinner because she's overstimulated.

Its also not awesome for everyone's happy day when parents are distracted and preoccupied with tending to their children's needs all day and leave early because 'the kids come first of course you'll understand when you are as amazing as we are and have angels if your own'.

I like kids, but I don't like kids at weddings. It's the bride and grooms day, it doesn't have to revolve around parents of young children.

Having children at weddings doesn't detract from the bride and groom. They're still central, it's always their day.
I suppose it's what you're used to, and what your children have grown up with.

I think I would do this option. Then there’s a balance.

Not a chance I would prioritise my sibling’s wedding for a weekend over looking after my own children, but you clearly want to do that, so not sure what your AIBU is?

I think this is fine if that’s your view. But I think the OP is struggling because it’s “expected” that she get childcare sorted - the bride hasn’t given options or said “but I understand if you can’t”. It’s just expected that people can palm their kids off. 1. Massively expensive and hard to find someone you trust; 2. What person would leave their 6m old for 3 days??

people who don’t want kids at their wedding - fine. But they can’t expect everyone to then attend.

The only reason I made the assumption was because she said “I work FT” and I thought maybe she was just typing in a rush and hadn’t realised she’d be off work at the time, that’s all.

It's the bride and grooms day, it doesn't have to revolve around parents of young children.

That's fine, but then you also have to accept that the parents of young children may not be able to attend.

Why would you even want to attend, knowing the invitation was a result of blackmail?

I know this isn’t a popular opinion on here but I think it’s shitty not to invite children of very close family to your wedding. I’m sorry OP - I don’t have any advice but I would be very upset too.

Nope, fuck that, I wouldn’t be sorting and paying for childcare for such young children to cover a three day party. You can’t even have them in the hotel while your husband looks after them, that’s a joke. I’d decline the invitation!

“Daniel, do you take Sophie to be your - “

”WAAAAAAAAAAH!”

It’s a once-in-a-lifetime event with no second takes, and I don’t blame her for not wanting babies/toddlers there. Having said that, it was bad form to ask you to be MOH before telling you that your children weren’t invited, and if you can’t come to the wedding because of that, well, that’s the way it is.

I think in this situation, I'd find close accommodation for your family of 4, and go for the day of the wedding and just you attend, husband stay at the accommodation with the children and you stay with them if sleeping there. There's not a single event or person that I would ever consider leaving a 6 month old overnight for, let alone for 3 days. She can have a child free wedding but she can't expect you to leave your children that long.

Sorry i know her wedding her rules etc but i find it abhorrent she hasnt invited her niece and nephew, and that shes put you in this position.

I wouldnt be going. Not a chance.

I’d find it sad to have a wedding without my nieces/nephews, and I do not understand your sister. She is, of course, entitled to make her own decisions about her wedding day … But you are entitled to make your own decisions too. Try to think through all of the scenarios, and the possible outcomes. Would it work to go just for the day? Would you be ok leaving your toddler with family - then maybe your husband could stay in hotelroom with baby during the ceremony and you could swap later (he could go for drinks, you for dinner?) Would it be best not to go at all? Could you go alone - would you be willing to leave esp baby with your husband, for 1/2/3 nights? Would hiring a nanny practically work? (Can you afford this? Would it even work with a breast or bottle fed baby?) These are of course just a few options. Discuss them with your husband, make decisions on what would work and what wouldn’t. Then ask sister to talk. Present her with the options that work for you, and explain the consequences to her. Try to stay calm, you can be honest and even say you don’t understand her choice, but are willing to try and make it work. But some scenarios will mean, you won’t be there for all of the 3 days, not even as maid of honour, and neither will your husband. Make her see that if (for example) you will be breastfeeding, you can only come for half a day, or that your husband must stay with your toddler, so can’t be there at all. Explain you don’t want to be difficult, but these are the options, and those are the consequences. It’s then up to her to change her mind or not. I’d be so sad if I were you, but I’d try to show her that I was willing to make it work but that realistically: it wasn’t really going to work. (Personally, I’d come for the ceremony and then go home, and would ask to make someone else MoH. I would have been sad but ok with leaving the toddler if possible, but would never have left my 6 months old.) Maybe she’ll reconsider, and maybe she won’t … which will have consequences for all involved … I wish you lots of good luck trying to sort this out, op!

Remember when she says that other women would do it to say calmly most brides who loved someone would welcome their small baby so they can be at their wedding. Every single person I know would.

IMO these type of posts never cease to amaze me in that yes the bride and groom are entitled to request no children at their wedding, but in turn they must accept it when those guests with DC, for whatever reason, can't/don't want to attend.

Maybe the OP doesn't want to attend without her DC, let alone without her DH.
Why would she want to attend on her own?

It's always expected that the quest bend over backwards to come up with a solution in order to accommodate the wishes of others when they may not be able or even want to.

You sound like fun!

I don’t know why this isn’t very obvious to people. You can bring children to your accommodation nearby or on site- bring someone to look after them and you can dip
in/ out to BF / see them etc.
And your DH can take them in the evening as well, it’s your sisters wedding so you can stay on, although I’d imagine you may not want to at this point if your kids have been busy all day.

I have done this loads of times while BF my babies and I found it straightforward to organise.

Fuck you too. Sorry if I don’t want to spend time and money on a three day party for someone else’s wedding.