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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sister's wedding and no children invited

713 replies

BigSister1991 · 21/07/2025 14:15

My younger sister is getting married next year and no children (including family children) are invited to any of the wedding celebrations. We will have two children by then (aged 2.5 and 6 months). They are the only children in the family.

The wedding is 2 hours drive from our home and over 3 days - starting on Friday and ending on Sunday.

Our blood family only consists of my Mum and Sister and so I'm disappointed that my Sister would not want her nephew/niece there or want to include them in the day (and that there won't be any photos of them there). I work full time and weekends with my children are important to me and so I'm sad to have to spend 2 days away from them.

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

OP posts:
GAJLY · 21/07/2025 16:36

Sorry it's a 3 day wedding?! And they expect you to leave your small children including a 6 month old baby at home?! Did I read that right?! That's crazy! I'd explain that I couldn't go.

Ilovemyshed · 21/07/2025 16:37

I’d be leaving the children with their Dad, driving to the ceremony and then heading home.
Alternatively, make a weekend of it, stay in a self catering cottage nearby and drop in and out as far as child needs might allow.

Zov · 21/07/2025 16:37

Ilovemyshed · 21/07/2025 16:37

I’d be leaving the children with their Dad, driving to the ceremony and then heading home.
Alternatively, make a weekend of it, stay in a self catering cottage nearby and drop in and out as far as child needs might allow.

Leaving the children with their dad? For 3 DAYS?

NeverTrustTheScales · 21/07/2025 16:38

Pull out she will either understand or not but she is allowed a child free wedding if that's what she wants

CollsR · 21/07/2025 16:39

bellamorgan · 21/07/2025 14:17

I wouldn’t be going family clearly isn’t that important to your sister if out of four biological family members 2 are refused entry and one’s only 6 months old a baby in arms.

I would be offended too. It does seem she’s delusional about your life after kids, perhaps hints at lack of joy in her niece/nephew or perhaps is silly enough to be worried about the new baby stealing her limelight.

I agree with the above post… but obviously go for a small part if you choose. Decide based on what’s best for you. It’s not your problem she only has one sister & few blood relatives.

Who would you even trust with a 6 month old baby. If you want I’d leave hubby home with the kids and drive up for ceremony & 1-2hrs of reception. Have a meal, hear a speech then quietly slip out and drive home. Tell her your choice as early as possible. It’s up to her if she wants to accept this or wants more & therefore makes accommodations.

UpDo · 21/07/2025 16:39

ThatRubyMoose · 21/07/2025 16:28

I totally understand not wanting to be separated from a six month old but it is your sister’s wedding.

Can you answer why you can’t leave them with their dad?

Not seen any 'can't' from OP? She's said she'd be sad to have to leave them for all that time, albeit there is one fairly obvious reason why it might not be possible to leave the baby.

Ellie1015 · 21/07/2025 16:40

She can have a child free wedding but can't expect you and dh to manage everything. 3 days is a lot to expect anyone to manage.

I would take time off work that week to spend some time with the children then attend what parts of the wedding I could manage. Most likely I would try and get there for the 3 nights with dh joining for 1 night if we had childcare.

PopeJoan2 · 21/07/2025 16:41

Your only sister and she is treating you and your family like this?

LurkyMcLurkinson · 21/07/2025 16:41

DaisyChain505 · 21/07/2025 15:13

Or the husband could stay home with his children whilst OP attends her sisters wedding?

Show quote history

Absolutely, if the op hadn’t stated she felt very sad about the prospect of being away from her children suggesting that’s not what she would
want.

Zov · 21/07/2025 16:42

@Aceofcups82 · Today 16:21

Not helpful for OP, and sorry your sister is being this way, but more generally on this topic.. Most British weddings these days are torturous. The expense means for your average couple the budget tends to be blown on the venue and the bride's dress, meanwhile food is awful or limited, and guests are tortured with hours of milling around with bad booze and no food. And children are largely excluded.

Exactly this. ^ DH and I have been to 2 such weddings in the last 3 years. 11-12 hours from start to finish, 60-80 miles away so had to find overnight accommodation, shit food, hours of milling around bored shitless, £9 for a glass of wine from the bar, (£8.50 for a pint of beer,) and 80% of the people we didn't know.

And we were put at a table with 8 people we didn't know. Found it hard to say no as it was close family members. I will be saying no next time though, because I found these 2 weddings stressful, tedious, and exhausting (as well as costing loads of £££!)

MintyChops · 21/07/2025 16:43

Fuck that. It would be a hard NO from me. With kids that age you all come as a package or not at all. Your sister is being a complete twat.

SilverHammer · 21/07/2025 16:44

Dozer · 21/07/2025 15:22

I’d attend alone and leave the DC with DH unless you have reliable, free childcare from DH’s family. i’d also stay at different accommodation unless your sister is paying for the accommodation or you can easily afford the two nights there.

Difficult to leave a 6 month old alone if you are breastfeeding.

CollsR · 21/07/2025 16:47

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/07/2025 15:04

The expectation from my Mum and Sister is that me and my husband attend the wedding without our children without complaint and sort and pay for any childcare arrangements that are required.

LOL, no.

And tell her you can't be MoH, for frankly blindingly obvious reasons.

Well highlighted. Mum & sister are totally unreasonable. YANBU.

Be clear about what you cannot do (like you cannot leave a 6 month old for 3 days) and what you can afford.

Don’t waiver. Your sister is delusional & your mother is even worse.

Mylah · 21/07/2025 16:48

I don't have any problems with child free weddings but all the ones I have been too have always made exceptions for immediate family, i.e nieces and nephews and I would be really be put out and upset if my own sibling was excluding my children from a wedding, especially so young.

Three days will be eye watering in childcare and more importantly who would look after them for this long! Hopefully your sister will reconsider just inviting her niece and nephews.

rainingsnoring · 21/07/2025 16:49

Your sister and mum's expectation that you leave a baby and toddler with goodness knows who to attend a 3 day wedding is ridiculous. It's disappointing that she has been so thoughtless.

Speak to her and say that either you all need to attend or that you come for the ceremony, leaving the children with your DH and then go home.

Makingpeace · 21/07/2025 16:50

Probably already suggested but...

Book your family into an Airbnb in local area and leave DH to wrangle kids there while you go to the wedding.
You will then be easily able to go back to your family and won't be away the whole time.

Consider asking DSis if your DH & kids can swing by to wish them congratulations on the Sunday (assuming it's a Saturday wedding) and possibly join in for lunch?

PumpkinSparkleFairy · 21/07/2025 16:50

Yikes - I’m sorry your sister is putting you in this position OP. Her expectations are totally unreasonable.

Is there a way you could go alone for the ceremony? Even that is a big ask if you’re breastfeeding - I wouldn’t have found this very fun or easy with my EBF 6 month old. Are you allowed to pump during the ceremony 😂

I would feel like my sister didn’t really care about my family, for the sake of an overblown wedding (3 days???) - which is sad.

BananaCaramel · 21/07/2025 16:50

I think it’s fine to not invite children of friends or extended relatives but imo weddings are family occasions and nieces, nephews etc should ALWAYS be invited regardless of the presence of other children. How rude of your sister OP

Cakeandcardio · 21/07/2025 16:51

She will likely be cringing at herself if she has kids of her own. But I also would not leave a 6 month old for any period of time. So do what is best for YOUR family

Thisismyusername54321 · 21/07/2025 16:51

Im all for child free weddings for a DAY, but an entire weekend is completely ridiculous.

In this situation I'd personally tell them you'd like to bring the children to the weekend, but you will hire a babysitter from the afternoon onwards on the day of the wedding so that part can be child free. Id also caveat it with the fact you might be breastfeeding still and will need to have the six month old there.

She clearly doesn't have children and realise what a huge sacrifice it would be.

Merrymouse · 21/07/2025 16:52

Zov · 21/07/2025 16:42

@Aceofcups82 · Today 16:21

Not helpful for OP, and sorry your sister is being this way, but more generally on this topic.. Most British weddings these days are torturous. The expense means for your average couple the budget tends to be blown on the venue and the bride's dress, meanwhile food is awful or limited, and guests are tortured with hours of milling around with bad booze and no food. And children are largely excluded.

Exactly this. ^ DH and I have been to 2 such weddings in the last 3 years. 11-12 hours from start to finish, 60-80 miles away so had to find overnight accommodation, shit food, hours of milling around bored shitless, £9 for a glass of wine from the bar, (£8.50 for a pint of beer,) and 80% of the people we didn't know.

And we were put at a table with 8 people we didn't know. Found it hard to say no as it was close family members. I will be saying no next time though, because I found these 2 weddings stressful, tedious, and exhausting (as well as costing loads of £££!)

Edited

Definitely too much milling around at UK weddings.

There is obviously a massive wedding industry in the US, but my impression is that because they are more flexible on venue, it's easier to have a shorter wedding with the whole thing taking place in an evening.

Or maybe that is just TV.

80smonster · 21/07/2025 16:53

Your sister doesn’t want kids at her wedding of course that includes yours. I’m going to guess that despite being one of your few blood relations, you aren’t very close? Is that correct? I’d do what others have suggested, say DH can’t make it as he’s looking after the kids.

lovemetomybones · 21/07/2025 16:55

Couldn’t disagree more with people who say children ruin a wedding and the cost etc… again this is a selfish attitude to take. If it’s close family like nieces and nephews, they aren’t optional extras- they are part of the family and weddings traditionally are about the bringing together of family. Extended family and friends completely understand excluding their children but close family it really isn’t on. Those with babies and toddlers it’s perfectly reasonable if they cry for the parents to take them out of the ceremony it’s not rocket science! My daughter loved her aunt and uncle and was excited about their wedding. They talked about it extensively in front of her, she got so excited. Then we found out via the invite that she wasn’t invited, tbh that was more upsetting than my disabled son as he wouldn’t have realised. She wanted to be part of their day, she wouldn’t have ruined it- there were plenty of options to allow her but those were denied. My brother even told me that under no circumstances was I to explain this to her, he would. He never did. The more I think about it the angrier I get and with hindsight I think I would have rejected the invite. But he’s my brother I tried to keep the peace even though the person who was hurt was my daughter.

again I know I’m projecting and your circumstances are different, you can’t leave your children for 3 days they are far too young and I know it’s your sister. I would definitely go for the day even stay over one night but that would be the absolute limit.

Squishymallows · 21/07/2025 16:56

I can understand the 2.5 yo
going to childcare elsewhere. I absolutely cannot understand 6 month old, like hell would I be going to a wedding without my baby (that small!!) I have 3 children 4years and under. I could be without the eldest two and they would be happy: the baby stays with me

IberianBlackout · 21/07/2025 16:56

I mean, if you’ll have a 6 months old by then, you won’t be working FT, I assume you’d be on maternity leave. With 2 little ones you might even look forward to the extended weekend. However if the baby is breastfeeding, the practicalities about leaving for 3 days are nightmarish.

She’s entitled to a childfree wedding and you’re entitled to say you can’t go. If she whines about it it’s on her.