Background : I moved countries when I was 23 and settled and made a life in England. Sadly, my dad passed away 10 years ago so my mum is on her own in my home country.
The issue : she’s lonely, sad and miserable BUT she’s also part of the problem. One side of the family (dad’s) won’t have anything or very little to do with her. Some of them are indeed pricks , but she also looks down on them, they’re beneath her etc. Her side are more involved, but it’s not as often as she’d like or how she’d like it. She refuses invitations to any big events(weddings, christenings , big gatherings/anniversaries) because she’s on her own , then claims she’s excluded because she’s on her own. She refuses offers to be picked up and go and stay because they weren’t offered the right way, or at the right time , or the right weather, or someone else might also be coming or whatever.
I try my best and other than the covid years and this year she comes over at least once a year for a month. Of course, this is also on her terms. No shorter than a month, she won’t come stay when me and DD are at work/schools. She expects outings and visits, but it can’t be too hot, that’s boring,too many stairs, too cramped that’s awkward, that’s too silly, that’s too whatever. Sometimes I literally have to drag her out. No interest in history and similar stuff , but when she goes on holidays she does the visiting /walking all over ones so that’s baffling. I try to arrange things she would like , for example she loves flowers so I booked to go to Kew Gardens , but that still was somehow wrong. No enthusiasm or curiosity. I’ve booked and done most of the touristy London stuff and taken her to various places from local woods, to lidos, to theme parks , to garden centres, to museums to Buckingham Palace to Harrods and a bunch of other places all at my expense. Last year she moaned I never took her to the wax museum!!! She never expressed an interest and that place involves all the things she hates. I mean sure, she’ll happily spend 7 hours in a shopping centre , but there’s only so many times you can do that and I frankly hate it. That’s without the fact that she’s highly critical and sometimes completely bonkers and a dick.
Big sobbing meltdown again today about how lonely she is , and that one doesn’t call , and that one doesn’t talk to her and that one doesn’t see her and of course the biggest baddie of them all , ME , because she isn’t coming over and we’re nit going over there. Lots if thinly veiled and outright guilt tripping .
We were going to , but we have a 10 days holiday, OH has a pretty straightforward (but still..) surgery coming up , DD has some appointments that can’t be changed right in the middle of things and whatever other social things come up. I’ve had an extremely shit year at work and I just need the break. She knows all of this, but you know I have 6 weeks free and can’t be bothered to make the effort. Maybe I’m not, because the effort is too fucking much for not much return.
So AIBU to think that her situation is partly her fault and she should be looking at her own behaviours and attitude, rather than blaming everyone else for being selfish arseholes?