Is this a targeted unfriending? What would you do next?

[MindfulM]

My SIL has unfriended me, my kids (her nieces and nephews) and my mum on social media all of a sudden. She’s kept all other extended family as friends. When asked about it the story we are getting is she fallen out with her brother and as a result has deleted all of her “closest”(we are not that close!) friends and family but here’s the catch.

1. We don’t know her brother and he’s not in our friends lists.
2. My mum isn’t remotely close to her, they have met probably twice!
3. We don’t live in the same town, we live hundreds of miles away.
4. Shes kept close friends on her FB who live in the same town and actually have her brother as a FB friend themselves!!!
5. Her FB friends are public so if she’s worried about her brother making contact with people, why have it public?
6. She did it and never even messaged to say “I’m having issues and need to delete people etc” I would have understood and backed her wholeheartedly if this were the truth. I suspect it isn’t.

Theres not one chance that her brother could get to her through us. Not in any way. But he could get information about her from the friends she’s kept who actually know him, have him as a FB friend and live in the same town!!!!

So my question is AIBU to think she’s got another beef with me (never had a crossed word) and her story is nonsensical crap? It feels like a targeted unfriending of anyone close to ME.

UABU-It’s totally normal to unfriend people unconnected to the brother who live far away & hurt your extended family in the process.

UANBU- It’s totally nonsensical and she must have a beef with me that I don’t know about. It’s a targeted unfriending .

So as not to drip feed. There had been crossed words between my husband and her husband (brothers) recently, but they more or less instantly made up and it’s water under the bridge. Nothing to do with me or her.

Also what would you do going forward? Cut them off? Try and get to the bottom of it? Message or ignore? I know it shouldn’t hurt and if people aren’t bothered about me and my kids I should turn the other cheek but I feel things deeply so it kind of does. I would never do this to her or my nieces and nephews (her kids) because I wouldn’t want to hurt them or have them wondering etc.

Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated.

Lol at 'targeted unfriending' 😁

What's next?

A drive-by unfriending?

As others have said though, it's all a pile of bollocks. If you've asked her why and she's sticking to her story, there's nothing you can do.

Leave your mum and your kids out of it though because if they're old enough for social media, they're old enough to speak to her themselves if they want to.

Oh for goodness sake.

I assumed you'd at least have spoken to her before asking Mumsnet!

This is the worst thing about SM and texting etc. It's like people have lost the ability to actually talk to each other.

Just speak to her about it or don't. But if you don't, then you'll have to live with that instead of giving it any more head space.

@SallyD00lally lol. It’s like she “targeted” people and unfriended them because they are close to me. Yes my kids are old enough if they want to ask her they can and I will leave it up to them. Mums not going to care, she’s pretty laid back and got thicker skin than me.

Don't ask her. She doesn't want your family on her SM. She doesn't have to explain her reason, it would be embarrassing for you to ask
Forget her.

@SallyD00lally i know but my DH and his bro talk on the phone daily so he just asked him why and he gave that story. If I ask her myself she’s just going to say the same thing but the story sounds like bollocks, that’s all. I’m asking mumsnet if you think the story sounds like bollocks as well. I’m interested in people’s opinions.

Don’t let it bother you - just ignore it - people can do as they like on social media and it can be overwhelming. I’d just carry on with your usual relationship.

@EmeraldShamrock000 thats how it seems so I will go with that. I guess she’s giving the brother story to try and soften the blow of “I don’t want you or your family on my FB anymore”. I guess you can’t always understand someone’s reasons and they don’t always want you to know the true reasons.

@kiwiane thanks for that. Socials sometimes just cause more worries & dramas. I will take your advice.

Well yes, you are assuming it’s all about you, which is I know what us overthinkers tend to do but it’s quite an arrogant position when one thinks properly about it, like we are so powerful that everything the other person does is because of us.

It's happened to me with my SIL. I wouldn't have noticed as were not close but it's dawned on me that there's complete radio silence from that direction.

Cest la vie. It only took me 6 months to notice.

Sounds to me like she’s heading for divorce and this is about her own relationship with her DH and HIS family.

it's not you, its her

dont give it any thought op

@TorroFerney initially I was worried about her and if she was ok, going through a tough time etc. But then when we realised it was me, the kids and mum I started to wonder if she was upset with me. I know her world doesn’t revolve around me. But if someone suddenly unfriends everyone close to you you’ve got to wonder.

It’s not a ‘blow’ though, it’s just social media. And even if you don’t believe the story that’s ok, because she doesn’t owe you an explanation. If I don’t want a distant cousin on my social media I can just remove them, it’s up to me, I don’t have to explain my thoughts and actions and be accused of ‘targeting’, that’s just not how social media works. Focus on the real world.

Also unless you had her friends list memorised before you have no idea how many other people she’s removed that she doesn’t speak to much.

Tbh people are saying that it’s only FB but I disagree. If you looked at wider picture your SIL excluded you and your kids out of something when other family members still included. Whatever beef she had with you it’s a separate issue but my DD would be extremely upset and hurt if one of her aunties excluded her in this way. And not because she is so keen on FB it’s about principle.

She is going through "stuff" unfriending makes sense to her, it doesnt actually affect you as much as you think it does, make sure you message her now and again to make sure she is ok.

Just speak to her.

You don't need to do it through the men.

I wouldn't react or give her the satisfaction.
I'd bet your BIL mentioned it to her, if she cared she'd contact you for reassurance.
Her loss. 💐
Make sure you block her on everything. 😅

I’d ignore this ridiculous drama and it sounds pretty easy to keep her at arm’s length given the distance. She sounds like a waste of your time and energy

Why do you need to do anything I would just get on with my life like everyone in my life seems to do why are there so many dramas on here?

I am NC with a family member. I cleared out people who were feeding information back to them and people who might be. But it also led to me just generally clearing out people I didn’t really talk to or feel like I needed having a window in on my life. Your mum has met her twice. If I only met someone twice, I wouldn’t feel the need to be Facebook friends with them.

I'd be hurt too. I hate how posters on here try to make people feel stupid for being more sensitive than (they claim) they are themselves.

Her story does soundl like bollocks and she has unfriended you and everyone close to you for a reason she isn't telling you. You aren't going to get the truth, so match her energy and don't give her and her family a second thought. Let your DH keep in touch via his brother, but don't be the one buying presents and cards for her and her family. Your DH can do this, if he wants to.

Just treat her the same as always.
You see her infrequently; you treat her with love and respect.

Social media is no big deal for many people.