What would you think of these comments? Nationality

[Tiredandcantbebothered1]

My grandfather was from a European country, my father is British and we have my grandfather's foreign surname.

I was born here, my Mum is British. I was asked at work by somewhere where I was from. I told her the local area, and she said, "No, where are you really from?"

Then someone at work asked me what wedding traditions were "In your country." I was like, I'm from the UK...
Just slightly ignorant perhaps if not necessarily ill-meaning?

I’d think just a bit ignorant but not malevolently so. And I think I’d just say, “I don’t know much about Bulgarian weddings, my grandfather emigrated here in 1940 and I don’t really have any connection to the country beyond having visited a couple of times.” I wouldn’t give it much headspace beyond that, presuming now you’ve told your colleague that you were born in the U.K. and are British she doesn’t keep on trying to insinuate you’re not “properly” British.

It's othering and not ok to be honest. The where are you 'really' from is unacceptable.
On a lighter note, perhaps you can have fun getting creative and come up with the most outlandish wedding traditions as an answer. See if they bite and are as ignorant as they sound.

Ignorant but not intensionally rude, I’ve had it I live in Scotland was born here but have an accent from an English place due to living there during childhood. I get called English, asked what brings me here. Also a friend when I lived down there used to get asked where she was from, her dad was from Bangladesh we used to laugh how she was more English than I was. Some people assume a lot from appearances, names etc

They are very ignorant. I would say I am English if I was born here.

It’s not necessarily rude. They could just mean what’s your heritage. And that in itself is not rude.

No, I don't think it's rude either.
However, I think it's probably received differently by people of colour than it is by white people.

This is complete unacceptable in the workplace. Time for diversity training for the team.

Didn't someone famous get slated/sacked for this exact same comment last year?

Found it.
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-63822940

I think it’s not allowed to be curious about people moving about the world, resettlling etc. It’s become taboo. Not everyone got the memo it’s not allowed.

They're called microaggressions OP and those of us with foreign ties (e.g. 1st or 2nd gen immigrants) get this sort of nonsense sometimes. PoC tend to recognise it straight away as well because they experience it on the regular, too. It's rooted in xenophobia and people who do it defend it with "I was only being friendly" or "I was just trying to include you" or whatever other excuse they think will fly with the people around them. There's always an "I was only" or "they were only" and you get told to lighten up but honest to God it gets tiresome when it's the third time you've been asked "where are you really from" that day. 🙄

It’s a Bulgarian name, but I don’t know much about Bulgaria.

I think phrased badly - but the interest was obviously in the non-British surname, and they were right in that it meant you had some interesting heritage.

I've been on both sides of this question. Please note I am in Canada.

Some 50 years ago, I was volunteering at an event, and one of the other volunteers was wearing a hijab, very unusual back in those days. I asked her what nationality she was, and she snarled "Canadian" and stalked away.

I have a somewhat weird accent. I often get asked where in England I am from. My answer goes something like "I was born in Bristol, in the south, but my father was in the army, and we moved a lot. I went to school near Liverpool, and then married a woman from Nottingham, so my accent is a bit of a mish-mash."

Canada is a land of immigrants ... it's not considered rude to ask where someone is from, or what a person's home country is.

I normally say ' I'm from Streatham but my parents are from...' It doesn't bother me tbh.

Oh, I hate that "Where are you from?" question. I confuse people because of the combination of my colouring, accent, and demeanour. They can't put me in a box.

Sometimes it's a question asked out of genuine interest in the course of a conversation; other times, it's asked out of the thought "You don't fit; I can't place you." If it's the latter, I give them the very long explanation involving my family history for about 5 minutes. I imagine they wish they hadn't asked.

I think this is one of those situations where the motivate is important.

I had a European surname until marriage. People sometimes asked where my heritage stemmed from as they were curious or chatty. It was a part of me and I was happy to talk about it. We get told a lot on diversity training about being open minded, ask don’t assume etc. Being from elsewhere isn’t shameful, asking can be a way to help someone feel like those around are taking an interest in them.

If you get the sense that the asking has nefarious motives then as others have said, just say oh only my name is X nationality, I’m not from there myself.

Im from Ireland and get this comment alot in work. I have even had patients tell me to go back to my own country

My friend's Polish parents in law settled in the UK after the 2nd World War.Their two sons were born here and obviously have a Polish surname which my friend took when she married the eldest son. She's told me that she's been asked about life in Poland and once when her husband attended a hospital appointment the staff presumed that his English would be poor and they were taken aback when he responded in perfect English in a Yorkshire accent!

It does seem rude yes. Thoughtless to ask someone where they are from just because of their name but rude to ask no really, when they have just told you.

Sometimes I ask someone where they get their surname from. Hopefully that’s not rude.

It depends so much on tone.

I had a hospital appointment a while ago, and clocked the name and the appearance of the doctor I saw. As I sat down and she introduced herself I said, 'I'm sorry, I'd love to ask... Are you from [country]? My DGM was born there.'

And she was delighted that someone had realised where she was from, and we spent about a minute comparing notes.

But tone can sometimes be hard to judge.

Well surely if you are actually from Ireland and speak with an Irish accent, it’s ok to ask where you are from.

Awful that patients tell you to go back to your own country. That is terrible and not on a level with someone noting a different accent. Especially while your work is benefiting them. Would they prefer you weren’t there? It’s madness.

You can’t really tell if you are talking to someone touchy or a bit paranoid, so it’s best not to ask anything, they could really take it the wrong way.

That's exactly what a lady in waiting said to a guest a Buckingham Palace. @BlueMum16 has provided a link. In that instance it was completely unacceptable not least because employees of our Head of State (of all places) should know better. Obviously it depends on the way the question is asked and to an extent who's asking. Genuine curiousity about someone's heritage is fine. "Othering" someone is not.

Asking where a surname originates is reasonable if you haven't heard it before. I have a friend with a really unusual surname, which looks Italian from its spelling, but it's apparently Cornish, and another with an unusual French surname, but no known connection to France. "Where are you really from?" is ridiculous.

I don't get offended by it really when people ask me as a visible minority, but there are different motivations for people asking.

• Genuine curiosity about your heritage/background - but then if I do that, I tend to ask, where did you grow up, or where did your parents grow up or that's an interesting name what's the origin etc, not where are you REALLY from

• Others ask where you are from/where's your family originally from so they can then categorize you based on what they think Pakistanis/Germans/Brazilians or whatever are like based on generalisation and stereotypes

Neither are bad people or necessarily mean harm, but the second category are much more annoying.

I think the “where are you really from” question is rude because it’s insinuating that you aren’t really British because you have some foreign blood in you basically. I’d be wary of anyone asking it. It says a lot about a person to think it is ok to ask it.