What would you think of these comments? Nationality

[Tiredandcantbebothered1]

My grandfather was from a European country, my father is British and we have my grandfather's foreign surname.

I was born here, my Mum is British. I was asked at work by somewhere where I was from. I told her the local area, and she said, "No, where are you really from?"

Then someone at work asked me what wedding traditions were "In your country." I was like, I'm from the UK...
Just slightly ignorant perhaps if not necessarily ill-meaning?

Where are you from?
Birmingham.
Wow - was Peaky Blinders actually filmed there, do you know?

Fine.

Where are you from?
Birmingham.
No, but where are you FROM?

Rude, ignorant.

This depicts it nicely.

"That's exactly what a lady in waiting said to a guest a Buckingham Palace. "

I remember that, and thought how ludicrous that the guest was offended. Could she have not said something like "I was born in Birmingham, but my family is from Kenya" (or where-ever, I forget the details).

When I was in hospital, there was a very nice, very friendly, black nurse. I asked him "do you mind if I ask, what is your ethic nationality?" He didn't mind; he had emigrated from Kenya.

Yes, I hear such a lot of stereotypes on this site about older people, ageism is a big problem that currently flies under the radar. Of course nobody has to ask if you are old, they can see it!

It is rude to ask someone who’s already answered the question where they’re really from!

You asked a direct question and it was answered. That’s very different to someone insisting on asking where someone is really from to satisfy their curiosity, when the question had already been answered

I always find "I'm from Birmingham you bell end" gets the message across.

So you think anyone with a foreign name will be either touchy or paranoid? Well if that’s based on your experience I’d say maybe be more civil when engaging with them then 🙄.

As PP said, someone asking and genuinely wanting to know where your name is from, your heritage or roots is fine and natural curiosity but if said person ‘corrects’ my reply with a ‘No, where are you really from’ - then how can you not see that’s a passive aggressive and patronising way of engaging with me?

"That's exactly what a lady in waiting said to a guest a Buckingham Palace. "

Yes, word for word.

I thought I'd seen/heard it somewhere.

Your distortion of what I said, and using your own misconstruction to demean me…. Um.. that’s a huge amount more than a micro aggression you just dished out,

I get it, curiosity about resettling is taboo. I already said that. So sorry to have offended you. Your hackles rise easily, it seems.

There's a massive difference between the first "where are you from" and the follow up "no, where are you really from".

The first is fine, the second is rude as fuck.

I am part Scot, part Irish, part Lithuanian

Born and raised in Scotland. I am Scottish and have no problem if anyone asks me.

The way they asked was clumsy but I would just think they were a bit illiterate, thought the name was unusual and where did it originate. It would take more than that for me to feel offended, and I’ll happily say I know no more about Ireland or Lithuania than your average Scot does which usually makes it a very short topic of conversation.

It’s not taboo about at all - I think my reply made that very clear.
But let’s just deflect, rather than address your comments. 👍

Maybe correct her - 'Oh you mean what is my heritage? Well my grandfather was Bulgarian but I don't know much about the place'.

Agreed.

Love that video! Perfect

I’ve had this shit my whole life. I just got used to it and shared my heritage - even if it was slightly distant..! We can’t educate others or control what they say, but we can respond with dignity and grace and that’s all.

If they mean what's your heritage then they can ask that. Or where is your surname from, for example. "Where are you really from" is passive aggressive for "you're not one of us".

"Where are you from ?"

"Where is your name from ?"

Which of those two constructs a person chooses to use tells you a lot about them.

Hmmm... I mean its one thing to ask where youre from but if your answer is say "im from Hartlepool" to follow up with no, where are you REALLY from. They know what theyre asking, and they know theyre being racist.

The wedding traditions Qn, Id assume an ignorant assumption.

I think the difference in the 2 Qns is the reaction to your honest and reasonable answers. Its ok and normal to make an incorrect assumption and people shouldnt be judged for those but when your answer is oh, thats just an old family name Im British, its rudeto imply youre lying or thick and didn't understand their Qn.

Also im curious tell me about your culture is very different to "where are you from?" Imo

Some woke people even complain about the "Where are you from ?" question, which I find ridiculous.

"Othering" - lordy, lordy. Why are people so touchy?

I don't think people are being rude. We live in a multi-cultural society and it is good that someone might show an interest in another's cultural background. All you have to say is that your surname is inherited from your grandfather who came from X, but that you were born here in the UK.

Agree. What the hell is othering, anyway? A suggestion that someone is different from you? Why is that a hanging offence?

Some people aren't that bright though. There may be an intersection ....

We live in a multi-cultural society and it is good that someone might show an interest in another's cultural background.

One of the most primal urges in humans is the desire to talk about yourself 😀. Channelled correctly it's a powerful force for good.

It is rude and if that’s what is meant, then they need to learn how to rephrase and ask politely.