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Original poster

What would you think of these comments? Nationality

60 replies

Tiredandcantbebothered1 · 20/07/2025 14:12

My grandfather was from a European country, my father is British and we have my grandfather's foreign surname.

I was born here, my Mum is British. I was asked at work by somewhere where I was from. I told her the local area, and she said, "No, where are you really from?"

Then someone at work asked me what wedding traditions were "In your country." I was like, I'm from the UK...
Just slightly ignorant perhaps if not necessarily ill-meaning?

OP posts:
SerendipityJane · 20/07/2025 17:00

KilkennyCats · 20/07/2025 16:50

Agree. What the hell is othering, anyway? A suggestion that someone is different from you? Why is that a hanging offence?

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I'm guessing it meant not only noticing that someone is different from you in some way, but simultaneously using that observation to imply that difference somehow devalues the person compared to you.

Anyone who has eaten a scone the wrong way in Devon will understand.

mugglewump · 20/07/2025 17:10

YANBU: If you are curious about the origin of someone's name, ask where the name is from. The 'where are you really from' is horrible: xenophobic and rude. If I were OP, I would be keeping a record of this, along with who heard (witnessed it) in case this person makes a habit of behaving inapprorpriately in the workplace.

KilkennyCats · 20/07/2025 17:11

mugglewump · 20/07/2025 17:10

YANBU: If you are curious about the origin of someone's name, ask where the name is from. The 'where are you really from' is horrible: xenophobic and rude. If I were OP, I would be keeping a record of this, along with who heard (witnessed it) in case this person makes a habit of behaving inapprorpriately in the workplace.

God, calm down 😬

Hodgemollar · 20/07/2025 17:15

DivaRainbow · 20/07/2025 15:24

Im from Ireland and get this comment alot in work. I have even had patients tell me to go back to my own country

I mean if you’re from Ireland then it’s not unreasonable for someone to ask what the traditions are surrounding different events, that’s not remotely the same as asking OP who isn’t actually from the county.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 20/07/2025 17:28

“Where are you really from?”

”Hmm … your English is actually pretty good.”

”Are you even legal?”

”As a foreigner do you mind/care about …. insert stupid assertion here….”

All at work. It’s not friendly, it’s annoying as fuck, and that’s me being generous.

HappySheldon · 20/07/2025 17:29

EveryChairIsWobbly · 20/07/2025 15:23

I think this is one of those situations where the motivate is important.

I had a European surname until marriage. People sometimes asked where my heritage stemmed from as they were curious or chatty. It was a part of me and I was happy to talk about it. We get told a lot on diversity training about being open minded, ask don’t assume etc. Being from elsewhere isn’t shameful, asking can be a way to help someone feel like those around are taking an interest in them.

If you get the sense that the asking has nefarious motives then as others have said, just say oh only my name is X nationality, I’m not from there myself.

I agree with this. I am Australian and you can tell the difference between someone being genuinely curious or something else. The 'something else' can be anything, I had a colleague scream her head off at me because 'British jobs should be for British people'. But usually people are just interested and might ask me what brought me to the UK. Or almost always make a comment about why on earth I am here when the weather is better in Australia.

DH is British and born here but has a forrin surname as his dad was born in Africa. People often do a doubletake when they hear his name as it's unexpected.

Now... when people take the piss out of my accent, or mimics it. That fucks me right off. And happens more often than you might expect and it's fucking offensive.

So yes- motivation is important. Genuine curiosity okay (although it can be tiring to get asked the same question repeatedly in an average week).

Chiseltip · 20/07/2025 17:34

Darragon · 20/07/2025 15:09

They're called microaggressions OP and those of us with foreign ties (e.g. 1st or 2nd gen immigrants) get this sort of nonsense sometimes. PoC tend to recognise it straight away as well because they experience it on the regular, too. It's rooted in xenophobia and people who do it defend it with "I was only being friendly" or "I was just trying to include you" or whatever other excuse they think will fly with the people around them. There's always an "I was only" or "they were only" and you get told to lighten up but honest to God it gets tiresome when it's the third time you've been asked "where are you really from" that day. 🙄

Edited

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🙄

DivaRainbow · 20/07/2025 18:45

PaxAeterna · 20/07/2025 15:30

Well surely if you are actually from Ireland and speak with an Irish accent, it’s ok to ask where you are from.

Awful that patients tell you to go back to your own country. That is terrible and not on a level with someone noting a different accent. Especially while your work is benefiting them. Would they prefer you weren’t there? It’s madness.

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You would believe so, but some people only see skin colour and features. Even if I was born her and my family roots are Irish on both sides.

DivaRainbow · 20/07/2025 18:48

Hodgemollar · 20/07/2025 17:15

I mean if you’re from Ireland then it’s not unreasonable for someone to ask what the traditions are surrounding different events, that’s not remotely the same as asking OP who isn’t actually from the county.

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So someone asking me what part of thailand I'm from is not unreasonable? Even though I'm from here, and not of Thai culture whatsoever

Humdingerydoo · 20/07/2025 18:57

I've had that my whole life just because I'm Jewish 😏 It's tiresome!

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