Is my friend BU?

[Daisyqueen45]

I took my friend out for her birthday recently, a whole day and I paid for most of it, including an expensive beauty treatment, which she asked for a few extras while having the treatment and I didn’t really mind but it did cost extra. I also got her a nice gift too.
The day was lovely I thought and she seemed to really enjoy it. I put quite a bit of effort into organising it because I wanted to do something nice for her. Although during the last part of the day she started to moan at me a bit, nothing related to the day just pointing out things that I have done ‘wrong’ in the past like forgot to leave certain things out when I once let her stay at my house while I was away for example. I left the day a bit upset because of this but tried to put it out of my mind.

I took a few photos during the day, mostly of where we went and the surroundings and one of her blowing out a birthday candle at lunch. I haven’t posted the photos or anything or shown them to anyone, just thought she might like the memory. I sent them over to her and she replied oh I didn’t know you had taken a photo of me please delete it. I said ok no worries I’ll delete it and I assured her that no one else has seen the photo. Then a while later she sent me another message saying always ask for permission before taking a photo. I feel a bit mortified. We’ve been friends for a long time and I didn’t know she had such an aversion to photos, I wouldn’t even mind her saying that to me on a regular occasion but when I’ve just done this for her, I honestly am shocked and felt the wording was really patronising. Should I have asked her permission? None of my friends have ever asked permission from me to take a photo of me and they often post it on social media without saying anything, I wouldn’t ever do that, I only took it because I thought it was a lovely picture and a nice memory. I also was very obvious getting my phone out and taking the photo, it’s not like I did it sneakily either.

She sounds awful

She sounds bossy and entitled. Is this a one sided friendship? Maybe it’s time to leave her in the past.

Jesus Christ, no good deed goes unpunished does it?

She sounds like a twat

Is she always like this? The behaviour seems really odd for a long time friend, even more so after you doing something nice for her. If it's new behaviour it sounds like there could be something simmering that she is unhappy about but not saying or she may be trying to phase out the friendship. It is really shitty behaviour.

What an ungrateful cow.

Is she normally this exhausting? I couldn't be doing with that. She does sound hard work.

Just move on. She’s exhausting

I don't know how old you are so it could be a generational thing but I can't imagine telling a friend to always ask for permission before taking a photo of me. I'm in my 50s for context.

Having said that, my adult DCs in their 20s are always taking candid photos of each other and their friends, and friends of friends.

Your friend sounds very ungrateful. Is she always like this? If not, can you think of anything from the day that might have upset her? Tbh it sounds like she was jealous of you and wanted to punish you for something.
Do you have more money than her?

You're definitely nicer than her! Maybe she felt embarrassed because she would never be so lovely.

She’s been a good friend in the past and I wouldn’t say it’s completely one sided, shes also been generous to me and I am always extremely grateful and I have never been rude to her. She is a difficult character at times and has given me a hard time on a few occasions.
She’s had a challenging time recently and I really wanted to do something really nice for her, but I think she’s crossed a line for me now, I do feel like she potentially wanted to pick a fight with me for some unknown reason.

She sounds really annoying and as if she is in the habit of putting you down and fault finding.

She must have been there when you took the photo... I'm sure you didn't take it secretly so what's she even on about? No one else even saw the photo, sounds like a huge fuss about nothing.

It's all very well saying well she's been through a challenging time, but that doesn't give her a mandate to take it out on you, especially when you were trying to be nice to her. Maybe you were being too nice and she doesn't respect that..( unfair as that may seem).

When you feel like someone is trying to pick a fight with you, even when you are lavishing birthday treats on them, its time to either see a lot less of her or stand up to her and speak up when she says rude and ungrateful things to you.

Your “friend” sounds like a poisonous cow and I wouldn’t piss on her if she was on fire.

What an absolute goon! Get rid.

So you arrange a nice treat and she takes opportunity to moan at you about past behaviour?
And has a dig because you dared to take a photo of her enjoying herself.
id message saying, “ I assumed you knew I was taking the picture what with me holding my phone like a camera. If you didn’t want pictures you should have said during the day. But never mind you have been clear now so as I said in my previous message I have deleted the picture .”

She does sound really horrible and you deserve your own peace. I’d back away entirely, don’t message her and see how you feel about replying (or not) as and when she messages you.

Life really is to short to have such a difficult person in your life. You tried to do something nice for her, you got crap in return. Time to end this "friendship" and move on, you deserve better.

This has made me realise that I’ve given her way too many free passes because of her having a challenging time in the past. I wasn’t going to reply to her but I think I will.
it’s also made me think it’s a bit cheeky asking for extras during the beauty treatment I paid for. Most likely they would have mentioned the cost and she would have had to ok it.

She sounds like a user and entitled. What does she do for you?

What an ungrateful person! I would detach yourself from the relationship, and move on.

If I had a friend good enough to do that for me I would be so thankful. What a lovely friend you are. It’s a shame she can’t appreciate you. I wouldn’t bother I. Future, go nurture your other friendships.

She does have a lovely side too, has been there for me in the past. She also has been generous with gifts especially for my kids. I’ve always been very grateful.

So you organised a really nice treat for her, and she was cheeky enough to ask for extras, then started picking at you and finding fault, and finally kicks off about you taking a photo?

I'd expect better from a six year old, never mind a grown woman. She really sounds horrible.

A good way to ascertain if you are being unreasonable is to flip it. If SHE had paid for a lovely spa day for you, as well as bought you a gift, would you have asked for extras on top? would you have had a go at her about taking photographs?

If your answer is of course not, I'd never be so bloody rude then there's your answer.

Personally, I think she sounds like a deeply unpleasant and selfish individual and I'd be getting rid.

What did she think you were doing when you had your phone out to take the photo of her? Looking at the weather forecast?

You should just text back “lol.”

And don’t bother with her again.

That’s the key but though isn’t it - you’ve always been very grateful. Not asked for extras and then extremely rude about a photo?!