MIL giving toddler tea

[teatum]

MIL is 80 years old and in the early stages of dementia and keeps giving our 18 month old tea (not hot) from her cup. We have repeatedly asked her not to but DH got really frustrated with her today and she got upset. TBH, this is absolutely something she would have done before the dementia/diagnosis (SIL has confirmed she had the same issue 15 years ago). I absolutely hate it but to coin a Mumsnet phrase, it’s tea, not crack, and is it really worth upsetting an ill old lady over? I never say anything to her BTW but I don’t need to as DH usually tells her gently not to do it.

Sounds quite a sweet act but understand your concerns. Is it a few sips of weak milky tea?

AYBU to hate it ? Yes

AYBU to think "it's not crack" and "not worth upsetting her over" ? No

But AY(both) BU to be leaving your 18 month old unsupervised with an 80 year old with dementia? Very. I presume you will say she isn't unsupervised, but you have said she "keeps giving her tea". How can she "keep" doing this if you /dh are supervising your little one ?

…of all the things to get worked up about.

He needs a nice brews, calm his beans down

Builder’s tea with two bags and three sugars, or milky, pathetic, anemic tea?

I would stop this happening. I assume she has hot tea, and it’s just that it’s cooled down when she offers it to your toddler? She has dementia, and could easily offer scalding tea to your child accidentally as it progresses.

It doesn’t sound like telling her makes a difference though. So I’d engineer the situation so it couldn’t happen - sitting next to her so I can physically stop it, for example.

What do you think will happen if your toddler has a few sips of tea? What harm do you think they will come to?

How much tea is your child actually managing to drink in these situations? I was quite a fussy mum when my kids were small and worried about things a lot, but I don’t think I’d have been too concerned about this.

Pick your battles. Its only tea.

A cup of tea - no. Some sips of tea from grandmas cup- fine. I wouldn’t find 30ml of pg-tips once a week a problem tbh. Tell him to get over himself.

I’m not sure what you’re getting upset about. It’s a few sips of tea. Kids that age take tiny mouthfuls anyway so won’t be having much.

shes being kind to a child, I really couldn’t get upset about this and think you are wrong to upset her about it.

in her generation most kids were given tea from a very young age and it hasn’t done any harm

This sounds like the least dangerous thing an elderly woman with dementia could do to your dc.
Why is she babysitting?

He’s not left alone with her. We were sat in the same room today and he was sat on her knee. She kept picking up the cup and giving it to him

Unless it's scolding hot tea how much harm will always few dribbly sips cause?
I'd be more concerned about your poor MIL suffering from toddler backwash tbh.

In which case understand she has dementia and you will need to repeat yourself.

Absolutely not worth falling out and upsetting her over.

I presume you're not worried about him being scolded as you've said it's not hot. So what exactly are you worried about?

You said it yourself, it's tea, not crack.

I can't see what there is to get worked up over. If it brings a bit of joy into each of their day's, then surely that's a nice thing, isn't it?

I used to insist on having a cup of milky coffee when I was three and my mum would make me one. It wasn't decaff, and it was probably not very strong, but it didn't hurt me.

Maybe just be tolerant. If MIL has signs of dementia then just closer supervision generally would help . Haven’t seen any evidence that tea is detrimental to a child health. Hope it was decent tea😉

What’s wrong with the odd sip of tea?

What's wrong with a toddler having tea.

‘Strong but milky’ is how MIL requests her tea.. with 3 sugars.. so yeah, I’m probably being a bit PFB but the caffeine and sugar does bother me.

The progression to giving it to him any hotter as her condition deteriorates is also a concern but presumably she’s not going to remember us asking her not to in that case anyway so all we can do is be closer physically and just move the drinks away from the both of them.

In light of your update please do not upset her further. You are being extremely precious about it. The amount of caffeine they are ingesting will be minute and the sugar is hardly going to cause an issue on the rare times they are having the cup of tea.

you are making a mountain out of a molehill, or should I say a storm in a teacup!

Pardon the pun but storm in a teacup. This is not something anybody needs to be getting ‘really frustrated’ about. It’s an elderly lady trying to do a generous thing for a beloved grandchild which will have absolutely no detrimental effect on the child.
Your husband absolutely needs to reevaluate whether this is something he wants to upset his increasingly confused mum over.

It’s a pretty harmless drink.

My mum used to give me sugar cubes to eat when we were out in cafes 😂

To be fair, the potential for scolding is there so it wouldn’t be unwise to move the drinks, but if she’s drinking from it, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.