MIL giving toddler tea

[teatum]

MIL is 80 years old and in the early stages of dementia and keeps giving our 18 month old tea (not hot) from her cup. We have repeatedly asked her not to but DH got really frustrated with her today and she got upset. TBH, this is absolutely something she would have done before the dementia/diagnosis (SIL has confirmed she had the same issue 15 years ago). I absolutely hate it but to coin a Mumsnet phrase, it’s tea, not crack, and is it really worth upsetting an ill old lady over? I never say anything to her BTW but I don’t need to as DH usually tells her gently not to do it.

It doesn’t matter whether she would have done it before the dementia, you (and DH) need to let that thought go and deal with the here and now. I have my dad with Alzheimer’s living with me and frankly he was never housetrained 😂 so I do completely sympathise - but now she does have dementia, so she wouldn’t be able to take on board and retain your instruction not to do it even if she wanted to. Getting frustrated with her, as understandable as it is, will make it worse. You and DH need to have a meeting without her present, agree which of her behaviours really can’t be tolerated - if giving your toddler tea is a red line for you, write it down - and put together a strategy for preventing it (maybe if MIL has a cup of tea, one of you is on 1-2-1 toddler-supervision duty?)

Dementia is a long haul, so you have to be as calm and practical about it as you can. Be realistic about what she can and can’t help, and find other ways to head off situations that are going to upset you.

You are being ridiculous and insulting. It's not going to do ANY harm in those amounts.

Very Good idea.

It may be cool tea today, but next time it could be hot.

We had to keep diving in to stop my DM from leaving hot mugs of tea on the arms of chairs/sofas etc.. after my toddler walked towards her and put his entire hand in a mug of freshly made hot tea. We just couldn't stop her doing it again and again even after that and had to keep a close eye out on toddler and be nearby to divert or set the tea up at the table for her.. all of which took some managing

Aww just let the baby bond with grandma over a bit of tea. Dont be a killjoy. Nannas not gonna be around forever. Its only tea what harm can it do?
My grandad used to let me and the other grandkids sip the head off his guiness. We're all still here to tell the tale and its a lovely core memory I have of him. I think youre bring unreasonable and a little OTT

Had a massive panic my DIL had joined mumsnet! But I'm only 47

My 2yo DGS actually ASKS me for tea & will finish the tepid dregs from my mug the moment I turn my back! It's strong earl grey too with very little milk 😂

So then I have to get his little mug out & make him his own, tea with hot water in the bottom, then dilute with cold water & a tiny bit of milk so it looks like mine does & he bloody wolfs it down.

I'm actually going to get some decaf in for him cos although this only happens like once a week, it's still a sensible idea.

In your specific situation, don't worry. At all.

My Gran used to put her little finger into a tin of condensed milk and then let me suck it off when I was an infant. My mother nearly had.a fit when she saw what was happening.but.Dad stood his ground and.defended his mother. It happened once a week and lasted a couple of minutes.he said..and the old lady thought she was giving me a luxury. Mum had to let it be.

Am I reading a different thread from you and half the other posters?

OP thinks her DH was unreasonable to upset his DM over it.

Had a chat with DH about this as I was worried he was being harsh with her for my benefit as he knows I don’t like it. Turns out he found his mum filling up DS’s cup with tea last week as the water we give him (which he drinks loads of and loves!) ‘has no flavour and is boring for him, and he’s just as bad as SIL making a fuss about it’.
So that explains his frustration somewhat. Alongside the fact that he’s obviously struggling with this shit SHIT disease that’s taking away his lovely mum.
I’m sure those of you who drank it regularly as kids are fine but surely now we have better knowledge about stuff that was ok back in the day.
Thank you to those of you who were kind

Honestly, it's definitely better for him to drop this. It could be a lovely memory for your DD when she's older of connecting with her granny.

Mellow Birds coffee and digestive biscuits reminds me of my grandparents.

Both my two dc had weak milky tea with sugar from about 2 years old. They loved it and still drink it now. No harm done.

I think this is a generational thing, my mil also presumed she'd be giving her grandchildren tea and was incredulous when I said I'd never had tea until the age of about 13/14. I was pregnant when this conversation happened and ended up with a child who only drinks water anyway, won't even drink squash.

I would just make sure they're supervised especially as the dementia progresses.

Don't understand what the issue with this is supposed to be tbh, as long as it's not boiling hot.

My kids don't stay with my mum very much (through her own choice) but when they do I have no idea what they eat/drink most of the time.