MIL giving toddler tea

[teatum]

MIL is 80 years old and in the early stages of dementia and keeps giving our 18 month old tea (not hot) from her cup. We have repeatedly asked her not to but DH got really frustrated with her today and she got upset. TBH, this is absolutely something she would have done before the dementia/diagnosis (SIL has confirmed she had the same issue 15 years ago). I absolutely hate it but to coin a Mumsnet phrase, it’s tea, not crack, and is it really worth upsetting an ill old lady over? I never say anything to her BTW but I don’t need to as DH usually tells her gently not to do it.

Maybe just educate yourself about dementia. It’s a horrible disease that initially causes problems with short term memory.

My nan gave me tea when I was a toddler. Lots of children drank tea. It's not going to harm them. Is it really worth upsetting a vulnerable lady over a sip of tea?

Doesn’t tannin found in tea stop the body absorbing iron properly? It’s not good for babies or children to consume tea.

My toddler has developed a taste for coffee and keeps trying to snarf the foam from on top of my cappuccino. We don't really do boiling hot coffees in our house so no burning risk, but I've caught the little tourag siphoning the foam off with a plastic spoon (the kids have a kitchen drawer with their own stuff on it) on more than one occasion when I've popped out for a minute and left a lukewarm coffee on the table.

Is it great? No. Have I become better at putting my coffee in a high place she can't get to? Yes. Am I worried that she's managed to have a sip or two? Not really tbh.

Tea is much hotter than coffee (whenever anyone has tea in our house, I constantly monitor where the cup is) so I would worry from a burning perspective but, like you, assuming it's lukewarm, I wouldn't frighten an elderly person by making a fuss but would just try to engineer the situation so that it didn't happen.

A few sips won't harm him. My DH's grandmother used to give him tea and it hasn't harmed him. We always had a cup of tea with breakfast in the morning. It was pretty normal back then. A few sips I'd let slide. When she's no longer there it will be a nice story to tell your son about his relationship with his grandmother.

They're probably talking about regular consumption rather than the odd sneaky sip.

Both my grandmothers were dismayed that we didn't give our toddlers tea. Apparently they used to put tea in their babies' bottles from about 6 months... Someone even told me recently that doctors up until the 80s recommended giving tea to babies and young children (may need someone older to confirm that one...)

I'm not saying I'd recommend giving babies tea... but I also think a toddler having a few sips of tea once or twice a week (or whenever you see her) isn't going to do ANY damage to your child in the long run. Tea is much weaker than coffee, for example. I'd just let her get on with it. It's sweet. Make memories with the two of them while you can. In 40 years' time you'll be laughing about this.

@JLou08 as a special naughty treat, my Nan would pour half her cup of milky sweet tea into the saucer for me to drink, saying, darkly, “don’t tell your Mother!!”

That. Upsetting someone with dementia is pretty cruel, when it's really unnecessary. Offering a drink or nourishment to a toddler is an instinctive and loving thing to do, and she's been made distressed by his response. Providing the tea is cool and the toddler supervised by you, let her have that little bit of pleasure in that loving act.

I unwittingly caused my lovely lovely MIL with dementia, to cry. I wasn't telling her off, but I did misjudge something. She's gone now and it's something that I find myself dwelling on a lot. It's a huge regret.

I was a toddler in the late 80's and had a bottle of tea everyday. Everyone I know did. My sister's kids in early 00's did the same. I'm not sure when it changed but other than myself being a raging tea belly it hasn't done any harm. So I doubt a few sips will be a problem

Yeah I know, it was more aimed at the ‘back in my day we drank gallons of the stuff and it never did me any harm’ people.

They’re having a sip or two, not a SportsDirect mugful before nursery…

Absolutely. I'd be a bit put out if my kids started demanding a cuppa with breakfast 😁.

Surely this is easily avoided by keeping your baby away from her while she drinks her tea? Then you can remove the cup and let baby sit on her lap.

I wouldn't worry about it. It's a tiny amount of caffeine and sugar. Tea inhibits iron absorption, so make sure you are giving him iron rich foods. Other than that, it doesn't seem worth upsetting her. I'd think carefully about how safe she is to hold him though.

No point discussing it with her she likely won’t remember which is probably why she keeps doing it.

Next time he’s having a cuddle with her, one of you move her cup out of reach for a small amount of time or tell her preemptively not to give him tea, you may have to say that a couple of times.

I wouldn’t be worried about the sip of tea but the scalding risk.

Why not put his milk cup and some snacks next to her so she can give him those instead?

Please just let her enjoy being a granny while she still can. These moments are so precious.

What makes you think we’re not educated on dementia. Did you see the bit about my SIL having the same concern 15 years ago?
This isn’t our first rodeo unfortunately

I suggest you read upon dementia. You state that you were were there, get some common sense and stop it from happening if it bother you FFS.

I doubt the 18 month old is supping enough regularly enough for this to be close to dangerous. Plus tea is great, got to start them on it some time! (That bit is a joke)

I would be stopping her doing it. Don’t let your child sit on her lap when she has a cup of tea to hand. Sugar is really bad for children’s teeth.

I have very fond memories of tasting my nanna's tea ❤️ she used to have hers weak black with lemon, or sometimes just black with milk and a bucket load of sugar 🤭 it was a real treat to taste Nanna's tea!

I also remember trying to recreate Nanna's tea at home but it was never the same.

Not worth getting upset about imo. If that's how their relationship goes, let it. It's not like it's a whole cup presumably, just the odd sip.

Just let your child sit on her lap and provide a cup of milk or something else suitable that she can give him.

When one of you is getting the LO settled on her lap, the other adult can scout for anything close to hand that you dont want handed to LO and clear it out of the way. No need to say anything, just quietly set it all up for success