Hi all. I’m wanting to know if I’m being unreasonable for being upset that husband Dh has called me rude for having friends over.
First time posting in AIBU so not sure if I’ve done the poll correctly but here goes.
Married 30 yrs to Dh who is a workaholic with no time for friends. I work part time and live away from family so have made an effort to make a group of friends who have known each other for 20 years.
We take turns in hosting drinks on a Friday once a month and that person then chooses a place to eat out the following month so it works out you only host at your house once a year.
Last year when I hosted Dh made a fuss and got cranky saying he thought it was unfair he should have to come home to HIS house with people invading HIS privacy and he just wanted to watch the football in peace.
I replied it’s my house too and I need my friends as he is unavailable much of the time and it’s only once a year ffs.
Our house has 2 separate living areas and I host in the front room and he sits in the living area/ kitchen at the back of the house and is able to to watch the football without having to see us. So I don’t see the problem.
Last week I told him the girls would be coming on Friday night and he said I was rude for thinking it was fair that I ask my friends to be there in his house and spoil his Friday night.
I told him it was rude for saying I couldn’t have friends over to my house once a year and to get over it. I added that I wouldn’t care if he had friends over as I would just say hi, leave them to it and go to a different part of the house. He replied he would never do that to me as it’s inconsiderate and rude.
I find this attitude very controlling and baffling to be honest.
I understand he is exhausted from working 12 hour days as he is in his 60s but it’s his choice as we could retire tomorrow but he wants to work until he is 70.
He is becoming more and more unsociable and thinks I am all he needs for company despite me telling him he is not enough for me and I need my friends.
At times over our marriage I have thought of leaving due to loneliness and feeling his priority is always work but have reasoned that on the whole he has been a considerate, loving husband and father and wonderful provider. This allowed me to be a sahm when the DC were young and work part time in a job I love now the DC are adults and have left home. I appreciate I have time for my hobbies but I also run the house which allows him to work endless hours.
Yabu. I should respect Dh need to have his house to himself
Yanbu. I should ignore Dh and continue to have friends over and enjoy my social life.