To simply not post anymore photos

[Leahcarlos]

In a family WhatsApp group with DH family, parents, siblings, aunts etc. Over the past few months I’ve noticed his mum especially will heart, comment etc on the photos of her other grandchild but very rarely ours. She’ll also directly ask her other daughter in law how her child got on or for pictures. This doesn’t happen with ours. It’s starting to bother me and looks very noticeable. My instant reaction was to leave the group but I think if she’s trying to be petty this will give her what she wants. I’m thinking of muting and archiving the group chat and simply not posting anymore achievements or photos. My husband wont as he’s rarely active, neither is his brother to add if we think it’s because it’s from me and not him.

It seems the less dramatic way, there’s no point in discussing it as she won’t see it and will accuse me and DH of being silly etc. So would it be unreasonable to just stop, unless of course she directly asks?

Do it. Never put energy in when there’s nothing in return.

You aren't being unreasonable. She is making her favouritism for her other grandchild very obvious which must be hurtful. Just mute and archive the chat as you have suggested and don't give it another thought.

I have a very similar problem. It’s very hurtful. My way of coping is to just stop posting photos. I now send them directly to family members who I know want to see them and don’t engage in the favouritism parade any more.

This issue aside
i am going to guess you and your MIL don’t get on

fsmiky get togethers must be fun!

So you’d leave the group because ONE person wasn’t “hearting” your photos

what about the other family members?

Follow your dh’s lead and make your activity rare too. (Yes, mute it!)

I'd mute and archive it.

I wouldn’t choose to know her if I didn’t have to but I’m polite and have made many efforts for her to be in our lives. We’re very different people and have different views. I was the first female in their family to drive for example. Her and SIL are much more alike, neither drive, very similar view to motherhood, neither have cooked their children Christmas dinners. But none of that would be a reason for simply not liking a photo of her other grandchildren, it’s not of me, or an update on me, simply just the kids but happens to be me posting it.

"Neither have cooked their children Christmas dinners"? That is one of the most bizarre ways to communicate character that I've ever heard., and I have no clue what it's meant to mean.

By all means mute the chat, you can engage or not engage as much as you like. I think this might be more about your, the adults', personality clash than really about the grandchildren but it doesn't matter, the answer is the same.

The kids aren’t in the group chat, so this is her communicating with you.
She’s telling you how she feels about you. Listen, then mute!

YABU for needing to ask mumsnet about this! just do it surely

no idea what not driving and not cooking christmas dinner (?) is meant to signify either…

DH always cooks Christmas dinner. Does that make me a bad person/inadequate mother?

Do it. My guess is that THEN she’ll want to see pictures…

Wondering this myself. I have never cooked Christmas dinner, dh is a far better cook

@Leahcarlos id just match her energy or make DH responsible for his family arrangements and communications. His family - his responsibility.

Have their children ever eaten Christmas dinner?

Christmas dinner comment is a silly thing. I don’t judge them on it, it’s more of our difference. They go to their parents, even MIL is still going to hers. DH made a comment that he’d never had a Christmas at home and he loves that ours get two days at home with both of us cooking and not being dragged out to grandparents. That’s what that’s about, they don’t have that view and mil thought we were odd when we said we would be at home Xmas day and boxing days, welcome to come over etc but DH especially enjoys Christmas more now.

She resents your independence and sense of empowerment and she is levelling you down a little. Don't give her an audience.

Your MIL sounds batshit but might it be a bit weird if you stop posting photos and MIL eventually asks why. And you say "because you didn't heart them"

Doesn't that sound very childish?

Might it be better to ask her why she's doing it? At least then, you've got an actual bonafide reason to stop posting the photos

just don't post any. Don't make a song and dance, just stop.

(although tbh i think policing who "Hearts" pictures in chat groups is bonkers anyway)

And if anyone asks? pass them to DH.

My first thought was that she knows what she’s doing, don’t bother any more.

But there is the possibility that rather than specifically ignoring your posts, she’s making sure to respond to her dd’s photos because dd gets upset if she doesn’t.

I remember on Facebook the expectation of having to respond to everyone’s posts in case they thought you were off with them or something.

I also remember the feeling of knowing someone was trying to throw some subtext through their posting behaviour. Very insidious!

At the end of the day if something makes you feel crappy, whatever is causing it, it’s better not to participate anymore. This is what led to me deleting Facebook and fading out friendships that didn’t sit right.

It seems though that because you’re not close, and your mil probably notices that you don’t particularly like her, that this will impact your relationship. Not saying this is the case, but it could be that you’ve been off with her in previous actions, so that she has now stepped back from you with her interactions. Have you previously been dismissive or offhand when she has asked questions about your family?

People have different traditions at Christmas. Neither is better or worse. Don’t set yourself apart like that

Sister in law isn’t her DD, she is her DIL.
Honestly I’ve never been bothered by hearts or comments previously, I’ve had experience of accidentally being on the wrong side of that from my own sister. However I started noticing when for example a pair of shoes of the other grandchild would get “how lovely are they” and all the hearts, just the shoes not even the child in the shoes. But my child in the local newspaper for captaining his sports team win was met with silence, and there’d be a post after again of other grandchild in a play, again hearts and comments. Just more noticeable. I did ask DH and he said he sees it, but no idea why and said she’s being silly and to ignore. He definitely wont discuss it with her though.