To simply not post anymore photos

[Leahcarlos]

In a family WhatsApp group with DH family, parents, siblings, aunts etc. Over the past few months I’ve noticed his mum especially will heart, comment etc on the photos of her other grandchild but very rarely ours. She’ll also directly ask her other daughter in law how her child got on or for pictures. This doesn’t happen with ours. It’s starting to bother me and looks very noticeable. My instant reaction was to leave the group but I think if she’s trying to be petty this will give her what she wants. I’m thinking of muting and archiving the group chat and simply not posting anymore achievements or photos. My husband wont as he’s rarely active, neither is his brother to add if we think it’s because it’s from me and not him.

It seems the less dramatic way, there’s no point in discussing it as she won’t see it and will accuse me and DH of being silly etc. So would it be unreasonable to just stop, unless of course she directly asks?

Her other DIL reassures her that her shortcomings are acceptable, she is safe. You, on the other hand, clearly have ideas above your station doing all that new fangled stuff like driving. Next you’ll be saying you dared to get an education or you’ll be off on holidays with your mates when you should be at home darning your husband’s socks. You loose cannon, you.

What are they like IRL with the children op? I only ask because I was the grandchild who always got ignored in favour of the golden child grandchild and it really hurts. If this is being exhibited in real life, as well as virtually, I’d probably say something. If not, I think just mute the chat and not give her your time.

Never been off with her, invited her for days out with the boys, taken her on two so far. Invited her for Christmas, birthdays, Easter etc non have ever been accepted as she just remains with her parents or BIL.
The only thing that DH has said is we have FIL visit a lot, they are divorced, her choice she left him and is remarried. He isn’t. He comes most Christmas’s, will have days out during holidays and will come for dinner every so often. We hosted his birthday recently, did bbq etc, sadly none of DHs family came. DH has said could be her being jealous of that but we’ve given her all the same opportunities, even saying to FIL we are inviting mil to this so will have to let you know what she says before we invite you.

Was the divorce very acrimonious?

He didn’t want the divorce. She had an affair, he was willing to forgive her and it’s still very clear she was the love of his life. He did all she wanted and didn’t fight it at all. Sold the family home and split the money including his pension and savings On the times there has been gatherings he’s been very polite to her and her husband(the man she had the affair with) and has never caused any awkwardness. He never says a bad word about her or her husband and has encouraged a relationship for the grandchildren with her new husband even.

I’ll admit he’s a better person than me and it is one thing I do judge her on, she almost gloats about it and enjoys parading the new husband at any family events FIL comes to.

neither have cooked their children Christmas dinners

So so weird

You OP for saying this.

Honestly I’ve never been bothered by hearts or comments previously, I’ve had experience of accidentally being on the wrong side of that from my own sister

tell us more!!

Mute and archive. If she ever asks about why no photos, just say you haven't taken any recently.

yep, just stop posting pictures and if she asks why, just say that due to her lack of respose you assumed she wasn't too bothered.

and it is one thing I do judge her on,

well the affair and let’s not forget she doesn’t cook Christmas lunch!

LOL

H does stuff online with his adult kids and they all chat, I'm the only one absent because I'm not interested in cups of fancy coffee and the 50th same pose photo of a child.
Never done it with my own kids either, we generally do face time instead.
But everyone is different.

I bet £10 the other grandchild is a girl and OP’s are boys. MIL doesn’t see OP’s boys as “special” because she’s had boys but is fawning over the only girl because she is like the “daughter MIL never had”

Correct. MIL has 3 boys, I have 3 boys. The other child is the only Granddaughter.

I'd leave but I'm petty as fuck

In the days before whatsapp etc I used to pay for & give MiL copies of the nursery/school photos. She never displayed them. Same with BiL's kids. But Dh's sister's kids photos were everywhere. I stopped bothering. It was never mentioned.
Although when we got married we offered both sets of parents their choice of photo which we paid for & framed. She chose the one of only DH & Bil together (both her sons) as groom & best man. So I shouldn't have been surprised over the kids photos.
Just quietly ignore the online stuff. Stop posting yours. Try not to let it bother you. It's honestly not worth the headspace.

do you like the photos or actively engage in the group if so then stop sharing photos gradually. Does your own family have a lot of involvement with your children? Start sharing photos specifically where the kids aren’t on their own where they’re having a great time with your family - fight petty with petty

Does your husband contribute the child's photos to your relatives group chat? If not, why would you do it for his relatives?

He can share all the photos he wants to with his mother.

Just archive or leave their boring group chat and don't give it a moment of thought.

I do actively comment on the photos of the other child, heart them, congratulate on achievements etc, to be fair to SIL she does back to the photos I post, it’s literally just MIL. Husband doesn’t post and neither does his brother, the other brother doesn’t have any children. It seems it’s just down to me and SIL to update their family about our children.

Yup mute and archive and don’t engage. Don’t give her anymore of your time or energy than necessary

No, she just needs to say “becuase you didn’t acknowledge them”

it’s not about the heart. It’s about the lack of acknowledgement.

and to totally ignore a photo of your grandchild that’s been sent to you is not normal.

The grandmother knows what she is doing.

she is being petty and op needs to rise above and it and just not engage.

and if questioned is perfectly reasonable for her to reply “you never acknowledged any photos I sent, despite acknowledging photos from x and y, so I stopped sending them.”

It seems it’s just down to me and SIL to update their family about our children.

Well that's unnecessary. The woman's own three sons don't bother texting the group, so why would you?

Does your husband send pics to your own relatives? If not, why would you get involved in his relatives chat where the people related don't bother engaging?

Sounds like FIL’s a pretty nice guy. Is he a good grampa? Could you encourage that relationship a little more?

It doesn't sound like you like her very much, she probably knows this. I'd just mute the chat and not bother, it's really up to your DH to keep in contact with his mother.

It’s not that I don’t like her, I did all I could to get on with her, arranged lots over the years for her to do with her grandsons and been the family photographer at events for photos of her with her boys and all grandchildren. As I’ve said I wouldn’t usually be bothering about acknowledging photos but it came to a head for me when some shoes got her ott acknowledgment where as grandson in the paper for sports got ignored. Topping off her dwindling efforts and interest in the boys really.

Yes I did send the latest of last days at school photos directly to FIL who instantly came back with how lovely they all looked and they’d done well etc. FIL is far more equally interested in all his grandchildren, doesn’t play favourites and will split any holiday into the same time with all the kids.

I’ve muted and achieved the group, let DH know, he’s fine. Agreed that if it was asked why there’s silence to simply say you don’t seem interested so we/I stopped.