Would you expect your dh to offer to come home?

Justgivemethebiscuit · 2025-07-18T21:56:39+00:00

So dh is out tonight, rare night out for him because he’s always working. At around 9, I heard noise at our front door (we live in an apartment) and saw 2 teenagers through the peep hole trying to break in. I shouted at them and they ran off. My dc were amused by my shouting and although I was a bit shook up we were all ok. Dh texted about an hour ago and asked how we were all getting on. I obviously told him and his response was a laughing emoji and to say it was bad luck for that to happen when he wasn’t in. I actually want him to enjoy his night and I would have told him to stay out had he offered to come home, but I’m a bit perplexed that there was no offer on his part to do so? I won’t be holding this against him, just wondering how others would feel and prepared to be crucified for asking. Yes, I’m neurotic.

Trovindia · 18/07/2025 23:01

I would expect my DH to come home, and I just asked him and he said he would come straight home and tell me to call the police.

Your DH is an uncaring twat.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 18/07/2025 23:01

What would you expect him to do if he did come home?

OurBeautifulBaby · 18/07/2025 23:02

No. He never gets much time out so let him enjoy it.

londongirl12 · 18/07/2025 23:03

He’s going to come home, and then what? If the teenagers come back then yeah, he should come home. But you’ve scared them off, they’ll unlikely to be back.

OurBeautifulBaby · 18/07/2025 23:03

Trovindia · 18/07/2025 23:01

I would expect my DH to come home, and I just asked him and he said he would come straight home and tell me to call the police.

Your DH is an uncaring twat.

Christ that’s an over reaction and a half. It was kids messing around.

Kibble19 · 18/07/2025 23:07

A woman shouting at the bored little idiots was enough to scare them off (without so much as a mouthful of cheek before they ran), so you can be certain you’re not dealing with anyone who’ll be back later.

No need for him to come home at all.

Original poster

Justgivemethebiscuit · 18/07/2025 23:10

Kibble19 · 18/07/2025 23:07

A woman shouting at the bored little idiots was enough to scare them off (without so much as a mouthful of cheek before they ran), so you can be certain you’re not dealing with anyone who’ll be back later.

No need for him to come home at all.

How do you know there was no cheek from them? There wasn’t 😅

I don’t know why I’m even stewing on this, it was disturbing though and I don’t feel ‘right’ even though I know I’m pretty safe. I did say to him that I’d definitely be calling the police if they came back.

OP posts:

Original poster

Justgivemethebiscuit · 18/07/2025 23:11

No doubt he’ll scare the shit out of me rattling through the door in the wee hours though.

OP posts:

InWalksBarberalla · 18/07/2025 23:12

No, he clearly thinks you have it under control. Which you do, so no need for him to come home.

Trovindia · 18/07/2025 23:14

Trovindia · 18/07/2025 23:01

I would expect my DH to come home, and I just asked him and he said he would come straight home and tell me to call the police.

Your DH is an uncaring twat.

If someone tries to break into my house, then I'm definitely calling the police. I don't see that as an overreaction.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 18/07/2025 23:53

kids were messing about, you told them to go away and they did, you didn’t say anything to DH. DH then asks about the evening, you tell him but don’t ask him to come home. Why would he offer? The event is over and you didn’t need him! If you want him home, use your words

PollyBell · 18/07/2025 23:56

No i wouldn't it may female but I am a grown up and can do things or look after myself i just cant go with i am just a little woman who needs to me cared for like I am a doll thing

BrightLightTonight · 18/07/2025 23:57

FFS - stop being “girly”. You are a strong woman and can easily deal with this. Why do you need someone else to sort the problem? What are you going to do in the future, when you are 80, your partner has sadly died and your kids live 2 hours away. Take control now.

Thatsalineallright · 19/07/2025 00:03

I don't understand most of these replies. There's nothing wrong with being 'girly' if by that you mean acknowledging that a woman is physically weaker and so in more danger than a grown man. It's normal to want some backup. Sure, you're equally capable of calling the police, but a woman home alone with kids is more vulnerable than a man home alone with kids. That's simply fact.

TheCurious0range · 19/07/2025 00:08

I think DH would offer although I would decline, but I work with much scarier offenders on a day to day basis at work so it's a different context for me and he knows me in a professional context and that I can handle myself in dangerous situations. If you have doorbell footage I'd report it though, you can usually do it online. They might have another go locally and be successful.

BrightLightTonight · 19/07/2025 00:10

Thatsalineallright · 19/07/2025 00:03

I don't understand most of these replies. There's nothing wrong with being 'girly' if by that you mean acknowledging that a woman is physically weaker and so in more danger than a grown man. It's normal to want some backup. Sure, you're equally capable of calling the police, but a woman home alone with kids is more vulnerable than a man home alone with kids. That's simply fact.

Edited

Absolutely they are more vulnerable. But you need to learn to cope. You need to learn how to deal with situations and not rely on a bigger, stronger person to sort things out.
Once you become independent you live so much stronger.

runningonberocca · 19/07/2025 00:14

I’m pretty sure my DP would offer to come home but I’d tell him not to. Like a PP I come across some pretty dangerous people in my line of work so I wouldn’t be too phased by some teens trying to break in . But yes - he would offer and would come home immediately if I asked him to. ( I suspect he’d come home anyway even if I told him not to cos he’s a worrier!)

Britneyfan · 19/07/2025 00:15

Thatsalineallright · 19/07/2025 00:03

I don't understand most of these replies. There's nothing wrong with being 'girly' if by that you mean acknowledging that a woman is physically weaker and so in more danger than a grown man. It's normal to want some backup. Sure, you're equally capable of calling the police, but a woman home alone with kids is more vulnerable than a man home alone with kids. That's simply fact.

Edited

I am with you! And would also be calling the police! Can’t understand these replies.

Though I suspect in OP’s scenario as she didn’t call her partner at the time and only mentioned it in passing when he contacted her, he clearly thinks she has it under control. But I would ask him to come home in her shoes.

Deadringer · 19/07/2025 00:16

My dh would be home in a flash.

Original poster

Justgivemethebiscuit · 19/07/2025 00:17

BrightLightTonight · 18/07/2025 23:57

FFS - stop being “girly”. You are a strong woman and can easily deal with this. Why do you need someone else to sort the problem? What are you going to do in the future, when you are 80, your partner has sadly died and your kids live 2 hours away. Take control now.

I don’t think I’m a pathetic woman. Clearly I dealt with it and didn’t sit cowering in a corner.

I’d imagine if I do live to be an 80 year old woman living on my own I would be fucking terrified in the same situation though. That would be a normal reaction for a vulnerable person.

OP posts:

thelakeisle · 19/07/2025 00:19

Someone tried to break into your house and your husband thought this was FUNNY. FFS, what an arsehole response.

I'd defintely report this to the police and I'd ask my dh why his wife and child being threatened and terrorised by an attempted break in is funny to him.

SquishedMallow · 19/07/2025 00:21

I'd be pretty shook up and to be honest I would want my DH to come home. Not to spoil his night , but because I'd feel so scared afterwards. I do think he would come home though in fairness. I think your DH could have been more sympathetic to the situation. But perhaps he didn't gauge quite how impactful it was for you and misjudged it.

Don't spoil your marriage over it though. Just either ask him directly and diplomatically to come home if he can as you feel scared. Or if you've decided to wait it out , just tell him how you felt. He might even feel a bit awful and apologise.

thelakeisle · 19/07/2025 00:22

thelakeisle · 19/07/2025 00:19

Someone tried to break into your house and your husband thought this was FUNNY. FFS, what an arsehole response.

I'd defintely report this to the police and I'd ask my dh why his wife and child being threatened and terrorised by an attempted break in is funny to him.

Edited

Don't let your dh away with this arsehole, selfish behaviour. Is this the only time he has behaved like a selfish, minimising arsehole or is this a standard reaction to frightening and shit events that happen to you?

Original poster

Justgivemethebiscuit · 19/07/2025 00:25

SquishedMallow · 19/07/2025 00:21

I'd be pretty shook up and to be honest I would want my DH to come home. Not to spoil his night , but because I'd feel so scared afterwards. I do think he would come home though in fairness. I think your DH could have been more sympathetic to the situation. But perhaps he didn't gauge quite how impactful it was for you and misjudged it.

Don't spoil your marriage over it though. Just either ask him directly and diplomatically to come home if he can as you feel scared. Or if you've decided to wait it out , just tell him how you felt. He might even feel a bit awful and apologise.

He’ll be drunk at this stage and not useful in the slightest. I just hope he remembers to lock the door when he gets in!

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 19/07/2025 00:29

I wouldn't expect him to come home.

I think if you actually wanted him to come home it would be different, but you're annoyed that he didn't offer so that you could tell him not to?! That's ridiculous.

I would call the police non-emergency number though. It's worth reporting in case they've been successful somewhere else. You should have called at the time really.