Would you expect your dh to offer to come home?

[Justgivemethebiscuit]

So dh is out tonight, rare night out for him because he’s always working. At around 9, I heard noise at our front door (we live in an apartment) and saw 2 teenagers through the peep hole trying to break in. I shouted at them and they ran off. My dc were amused by my shouting and although I was a bit shook up we were all ok.

Dh texted about an hour ago and asked how we were all getting on. I obviously told him and his response was a laughing emoji and to say it was bad luck for that to happen when he wasn’t in.

I actually want him to enjoy his night and I would have told him to stay out had he offered to come home, but I’m a bit perplexed that there was no offer on his part to do so? I won’t be holding this against him, just wondering how others would feel and prepared to be crucified for asking.

Yes, I’m neurotic.

Oh no 😐

I wouldn't talk to him about it whilst he's drunk it'll go horribly wrong. I do feel for you. I'd feel terrified (but things like that are a real fear trigger for me ) you're probably braver than I am. The likelihood of them coming back is very low though. Sadly they'll be onto the next door until they find one amenable to a break in 😡

I’m not annoyed that he didn’t offer so I could tell him not to. I’m not annoyed at all. I just think I’d have wanted to check on him and the kids if the situation was reversed. We’re different people and he does care about us, just maybe not as much as I’d like 😂

Did you call the police before they carried out another burglary or to give a description?

Edited. I see that you didn’t. You should have.

I told other tenants via a WhatsApp group and planned to call the police if they came back. Don’t make me feel bloody guilty 🙃

You should report it to the police OP. Not trying to make you fel guilty, but it's the right thing to do and if they come back you will be grateful you did as well, as there will be more chance the police will do something.

I think I'd be more worried about him being too drunk to secure the house on his return rather than him not offering to come home immediately.

You scared them off. You have it under control. If you would have called DH and said 'I'm scared, people are trying to break in' he should have raced home but you had already managed the situation well on your own.

I would call the police, no reason not to do it instead of posting here

The next person they target might be an 80-year-old on their own

What method did they use to try and break in?

I bet you in reality would be pissing your pants.
It's fuckiing horrible having anyone trying to break into your home. Especially when you have children. I've lived in some really dodgy areas and never had this happen.

My husband said he would come home straight away.

Tbh I would expect him to at least offer to come home.

We all rely on bigger, stronger people in an emergency - policemen/women, firefighters, soldiers etc. Hell, if my car breaks down I'm calling a mechanic not trying to fix it all myself. Part of truly coping is knowing when and who to ask for help.

If you manage to live completely independently - growing your own food, building your own shelter, providing your own medical care - then I'm very impressed. Most people though are happy to rely on others where necessary, no matter how macho or manly they are.

I would have called the police and texted my husband to come home. I would not have waited for my husband to happen to message me. Someone tried to break in. That warrants a serious response.

But you need to learn to cope. You need to learn how to deal with situations and not rely on a bigger, stronger person to sort things out.

Er, everyone relies on more powerful people to sort out shit like trying to break into a house...

I'm with you OP. Had a similar situation years ago. Well not exactly, but someone was trying to force their way into my house because they'd gotten me mixed up with a neighbours house they'd been invited to. I didn't know that was the reason until the next day and I was genuinely terrified at the time so stayed silent until he gave up.

Difference being I told my partner at the time how shaken I was (especially with a young child at home) and he told me it was fine, then continued his night out.

My DH would come home, I would come back in this situation too.

Erm no I'm an independent woman who can happily sort whatever comes along when hubby goes out. Now if it was an absolute emergency he would be home like a shot but I'm perfectly capable of calling police etc should I need to if I ever needed to keep me and kids safe

I wouldn’t have expected him to offer if I’m honest as I didn’t call him and tell him and I didn’t go out my way to mention it when he called.

If I had messaged him or called and said there were people trying to get in the house or I said something like so glad you called then explained then yes I would.

2 very different responses based on 2 different scenarios.

I would not have expected him home. They were kids and you got rid.

There's absolutely zero chance that opportunist burglars would come back to a house they know is occupied, especially after you've busted them. That's if they were even trying to break in in the first place and not just messing about. That's far more likely given that they were kids, that they were at your front door (very unlikely an actual burglar would try and gain entry that way in full view of the street, doorbell cameras etc) and that they presumably didn't have any tools required to force entry. So I wouldn't worry. Easier said than done I know.

With that said, I think I'd have expected my partner to at least offer to come back and check on me if that happened, assuming you'd made it clear that you were scared/upset. To be fair after a couple of beers him and the lads would probably be hunting them down like The Purge regardless of whether they were serious or not 🤣

I wouldn’t expect him to come back, but I would expect him to offer, yes. I also find the laughing emoji to be a completely inappropriate reaction (although I guess that might be different for your relationship). To me it’s no laughing matter to feel threatened in my home.

I would expect my partner to show some concern and for him to check I was really ok, which for us would take the form of a phone call rather than our usual texting, in which I’d expect him to offer to come back, but I’d probably decline at this point.

I would expect mine to offer-and I would also expect him to be able to judge whether I really meant it when I said not to! (99% of the time I would)

No, they don't. For some people there simply isn't anyone else.

I would be sad if my DP didn’t come home, yes OP dealt with it and they likely wont come back, but she has said she is shaken up and probably a bit jumpy and scared, she may well feel safer and calmer if her husband came home.

If my husband/daughter/sister/friend text me to tell me what happened I would offer to go over if they wanted someone else there with them to make them feel better.

Four pints deep and you're expecting him to read your mind, classic 😅

Would you really leave a rare night out with friends to come home to your husband after he'd scared some kids at your door off? I can't see myself doing that (maybe I'm not very nice) or DH wanting me to do that!