Would you expect your dh to offer to come home?

[Justgivemethebiscuit]

So dh is out tonight, rare night out for him because he’s always working. At around 9, I heard noise at our front door (we live in an apartment) and saw 2 teenagers through the peep hole trying to break in. I shouted at them and they ran off. My dc were amused by my shouting and although I was a bit shook up we were all ok.

Dh texted about an hour ago and asked how we were all getting on. I obviously told him and his response was a laughing emoji and to say it was bad luck for that to happen when he wasn’t in.

I actually want him to enjoy his night and I would have told him to stay out had he offered to come home, but I’m a bit perplexed that there was no offer on his part to do so? I won’t be holding this against him, just wondering how others would feel and prepared to be crucified for asking.

Yes, I’m neurotic.

OP if someone - anyone - tries to break into your house, you need to call the police. They will want to make a record of it (what if they have tried - successfully - to break in somewhere else?)

I would also expect my DP to come home. I don't think that that's an overreaction in the slightest. Break ins and burglaries can be really frightening.

I dont play mind games if I want my husband or anyone to do something I ask like a grown up and I except the same in return and I dont expect anyone to do anything because I have some convoluted game play thing I have in my head

If I want to be taken seriously as an female adult I dont act like a child and this-warped emotional games women play is ridiculous to be perfectly honest

were the teenagers messing with a block of apartments lobby door, or an attempted break in at your front door? Did you phone the police? Have they done it before?

i think if you’d text first to say there was an attempted break in, I’d expect him to call, offer to come home etc.
As it was, he first heard of this was in response to him checking in, so (if I was him) I’d probably understand it is resolved and there’s no need to cut the plan short. If you found his response (‘typical’) didn’t match how scared the situation made you then of course it’s up to you to tell him and ask for what you need of him.

I wouldn’t want my DH to come home but this response would have properly pissed me off:

laughing emoji and to say it was bad luck for that to happen when he wasn’t in

I know for a fact that my DH would have asked if we were ok and offered to come back at least.

Against the grain, but I wouldn't have had to ask him not to, because he wouldn't have offered. The second he heard what had happened my DH would be on the way home without asking.

I do think police should have been called though.

What an absolutely massively stupid overreaction, what happens when there is a real problem or emergency and the husband is not available, does the OP do nothing and just sit in a corner and cry , no people should deal with issues themselves and just no panic about it

Well if it wasn't serious enough to call the police then it didn't warrant him offering to come back...

Fair enough. It would have to be something much more severe than this for me to need or want him to come home. In those circumstances I would ask and he would come. But because my default is always “Of course I’m fine!” I can imagine some circumstances where he would come anyway. Not game playing. Just kindness on his part.

No. Why, when it's either over (or would be by the time he got there) or I can deal with it myself? I probably would not even tell him about it till he got back.

Ooh aren't you so independent & amazing...

or just a ...

im not yet 80 (55), had a stroke, live alone & I can tell you it's intimidating & terrifying.

how exactly would you like us to 'take control'??

That's not accurate either.

the police will only come if there's immediate risk (& gid knows when they'll be able to get to you) wanting your partner (or other adult) there in case they return is a completely valid reason to want them there.

If it was that serious, you should have called the police.

How do you know they were trying to break in? Did they have a crow bar or tools?

Scary, but your DH probably reacted a bit like what mine would have reacted... and the same as I would have done if it was DH at home and me out.

Rare night out, and they ran away when shouted?

No, definitely wouldn't expect him to come home.
I'd probably call the police and let them know in case they're going to try again in the area and they can send a patrol car round.

so he called about an after they had gone.
I don't understand the point of him coming home early to stare at a door that two children had been messing about outside of an hour or so before he got there.

You didn't tell him for an hour after and said something just because he asked how was your evening. I wouldn't offer to come home then because I would assume you are fine since you didn't text or call when it happened.
He is just treating it like you did. A small event not requiring anything or anyone else. If he didn't text to check in he would know until he got home anyway or this morning.

Some mental reactions on this thread. Terrorised in her home? Hardly. 😂

I'm a lot older than you and also live alone. If it warranted contacting the police I'd do so. Other than that there really aren't any other options.

No but the OP doesn't live alone & that's what this thread is about & some of the relies are just twatty. It's OK to feel vulnerable & to want a bit of support....& not be called wet.