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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be mad at his speed?

90 replies

Thegiftoftime · 18/07/2025 18:22

So DH like his cars. We are middle aged and have responsibilities including one teenager dd still at home and both have professional jobs where we need to be able to commute and could not wfh.
He drives classic sports cars a lot and yes he is very good at driving, however driving his normal everyday car he often breaks the speed limit.
I have repeatedly, and I mean repeatedly asked him nicely, not so nicely and eventually shouted and told him to pull over because I don’t feel comfortable on the long drives we have to do with him driving fast. This has happened dozens of times. I admit I’m not confident on a motorway but we have agreed a compromise that he doesn’t go over 70 as it’s the national speed limit and there for a reason. It’s not just about him it’s other lives on the road.
He now has 9 points on his license. I have again approached him with my concern about this but he nods and says he understands and will watch his speed but he doesn’t. I’ve said that I don’t feel he has learnt from the speed awareness courses or the fine he can well afford. I feel like he thinks is he’s above the law and that really concerns me. He just politely dismisses me.
That and the fact that it’s the only thing I have raised my voice over repeatedly and I’m his wife and he continues to push it and ignore my ask.
Hes just taken my daughter somewhere and the very last thing I said on the drive was “ please drive under 70 and stay safe you have xxx in the car”
DD is autistic and doesnt like cars at the best of times but she has just sent me a screen shot of the speedometer at 78
Im so angry with him.
He slowed down now and they have arrived but AIBU to be fuming?
I am so upset that he has completely ignored me and basically lied also. Does everyone really drive at 80 because lots of cars do pass us on the motorway when we are at 70 and perhaps I’m being unreasonable I’d be interested. Thanks MN

OP posts:
Shade17 · 20/07/2025 13:13

Atina321 · 20/07/2025 13:09

Tell that to the people who end up seriously injured and dead. I live next to a motorway, numerous people have been killed in the stretch that passes our village in the last 12 months alone. Speed kills and anyone thinking “it’s ok I’m a good driver” is a fool. A dangerous fool.

The point was that you go to France and drive at 80 without even thinking about it. It’s not inherently less dangerous than doing 80 on a clear motorway here.

Getamoveon2024 · 20/07/2025 13:15

I wouldn’t be bothered by 78 on a motorway. In good conditions and when it’s quiet (I travel for work a lot at night to avoid traffic) i don’t worry. I do around 50k miles per year and I don’t have any points and if the weather is bad or it’s busy, I’m far more cautious. I am however ultra, ultra cautious in residential areas. A distant relative killed a child who ran out in front of his vehicle. Not his fault (it was caught on a security camera) and he was doing 20 in a 30 but the child still died. Horrific.
Realistically, he is a grown up and if he wants to risk his licence, that’s up to him. Perhaps loosing his licence will make him see sense? You can stop travelling with him or allowing him to transport your dd though.

randomlemonsheep · 20/07/2025 13:15

Shade17 · 20/07/2025 13:13

The point was that you go to France and drive at 80 without even thinking about it. It’s not inherently less dangerous than doing 80 on a clear motorway here.

have you seen our potholes and the state of our roads? 😂

France is on another level to be fair.

rainbowstardrops · 20/07/2025 13:22

I wouldn’t get in the car with him and I certainly wouldn’t let my child get in a car with him.
Hopefully he’ll lose his license soon and he’ll maybe realise he’s not the big clever man that he thinks he is.

Atina321 · 20/07/2025 13:58

Shade17 · 20/07/2025 13:13

The point was that you go to France and drive at 80 without even thinking about it. It’s not inherently less dangerous than doing 80 on a clear motorway here.

Anyone trying to justify speeding is as much of a fool as OP’s husband. Who they are calling out. 🤦‍♀️

Usual double standards.

JohnofWessex · 20/07/2025 16:06

There are an awful lot of dual carriageway roads which are subject to a 70mph limit but are little more than glorified farm tracks eg the Sound Devon Expressway and the A303 and doing the speed limit can be an interesting experience

Given him a bus timetable and tell him to start planning for when he is banned

For what it's worth I suggest that being banned under the totting up process suggest a level of lack of judgement that is concerning

Fizbosshoes · 20/07/2025 16:30

Having been a passenger on French motorways they were noticeably less busy than the ones we had been on in the UK

BitOutOfPractice · 20/07/2025 16:34

Id be telling him that when he gets banned (and it’s when not if) you will not be driving him anywhere he needs to be and he’ll be selling his sport car to pay the hefty fine. What a knob.

grumpygrape · 20/07/2025 16:36

Fizbosshoes · 20/07/2025 16:30

Having been a passenger on French motorways they were noticeably less busy than the ones we had been on in the UK

And the drivers, on the whole, are much more considerate, and the speed limit automatically reduces by 20kph in rain which is something we should adopt.

Shade17 · 20/07/2025 16:53

Atina321 · 20/07/2025 13:58

Anyone trying to justify speeding is as much of a fool as OP’s husband. Who they are calling out. 🤦‍♀️

Usual double standards.

I’m not even trying to justify speeding. I drive a LOT faster than 80 where appropriate.

JohnofWessex · 20/07/2025 16:57

In a modern vehicle driving fast isn't particularly clever or skilful, its knowing NOT to do it.

Atina321 · 20/07/2025 18:43

Shade17 · 20/07/2025 16:53

I’m not even trying to justify speeding. I drive a LOT faster than 80 where appropriate.

You just did justify your speeding. “where appropriate” 🤡

You should talk to the family of the 19 year old who was recently killed on the A1. Or the family of the couple who were killed a couple of years ago on the A1. Or the family’s of the countless others killed on the roads because someone thought they were a ‘good driver’ and the rules don’t apply to them.

Could you live with yourself if your speed killed someone? Would your family stand by you while you served your time in prison?

You are not above the law. You do not have the right to endanger another human being.

What part of any of this makes ANY excuse to speed OK? What reason (unless you are a trained driver for an emergency services with the siren and flashing lights to go with it) makes it OK?

Your car might be modern and protect you - who is to say the motorcyclist you hit has the same protection. Or the classic car? It isn’t always about you.

ForEdgyHare · 09/04/2026 14:55

Never understand why people bring up the german speed limits in these threads. We aren’t in Germany 😂 Our speed limits are what they are and the rules we have to follow. Regardless of whether drivers think the limits are outdated or not.
I think a conversation about the consequences of losing his license would be a good idea. If he is worrying dd to the point she is taking pictures of his speeding then he is being a dick about it and being selfish. It just takes one lapse of concentration or a slick patch of oil on the road for speeding to become disastrous

Loulou4022 · 09/04/2026 17:15

BreadInCaptivity · 18/07/2025 18:35

The speed limit is a figure set many years ago when car technology was very different.

My personal POV is that I follow the limit religiously in low speed areas (20/30/40 mph zones) as they are generally there in built up areas/schools/specific road hazards.

On the motorway not so much. But that’s condition specific - I’d go slower in poor weather or very heavy traffic.

Yes I risk points but that’s on me. A competent driver going 80/5mph (even 90 - but I can already see the clutching of pearls) on a motorway in good weather, in a well maintained car and moderate traffic isn’t unsafe.

That said if that’s upsetting your passenger(s) whilst not unsafe doesn’t mean you’re not being a bit of a dick.

This is my thinking too. I am fastidious at the lower speeds but have been known to up the speed a little on a clear day with little traffic on the m'way, never in bad weather and never when it’s busy. DH dislikes it when I speed so I don’t do it when he’s in the car with me as a sign of respect.
I’ve also been sticking to much lower speeds with the fuel being so expensive! I can get 60 mpg at lower speeds and this drops to the low 50’s with higher speeds so I’m milking the fuel for all it’s worth at the moment!!

Creamyes · 09/04/2026 17:26

He is an abusive prick.
I would be reporting him to the police.
He needs a fright, but I wouldn't want to remain married to such an arsehole to be honest.

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