Page 4 | Beard | Mumsnet

Mummyof3T · 2025-07-18T16:21:31+00:00

My husband of 12 years has grown a beard over the last 6 months and I hate it! It doesn’t suit him, it’s prickly, makes him look older than he is and it’s just gross. It puts me off wanting to do anything sexual. The issue is, he loves it! Says it suits him and refuses to get rid! Please help with any suggestions, I have tried everything!!

pinkdelight · 18/07/2025 23:54

BotterMon · 18/07/2025 21:53

I'm with you OP. Can't stand facial hair. I find it very unattractive and had a boss years ago who used to pick bits of lunch out of his beard and eat them. He made me gag.

Also have sensitive skin and couldn't have beard hair rubbing anywhere.

Oh god you just reminded me another thing u dislike is the constant fiddling with them. Not every beardy guy does it but a lot do.

Needmorelego · 18/07/2025 23:56

didgeridid · 18/07/2025 22:54

I didn't say that?
I'm saying you can't tell someone what to do with their body hair. Whether you find it attractive or not you can tell someone to shave. I prefer having smooth legs - my husband would never tell me to shave them. He has a beard and I would never tell him to shave it.
If my husband said I'm not having sex with you because you haven't shaved your legs that would be mental. That's him forcing me to change myself to have sex.

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But if he didn't want to have sex with you because he found hairy legs a complete turn off and it was really grossing him out - what would you do?
Just say "ok", keep the hairy legs and never have sex with him again?
That's my point - which is more important to you? Sex or hairy legs?
It's your decision - not his and you are correct - he can't tell you to shave them.
But he can also decide never to have sex with you again because the hairy legs really feels revolting to him.

Teanbiscuits33 · 19/07/2025 00:13

So, we’ve established then that someone should have to have sex with someone they don’t find attractive because if they don’t then it’s controlling? Nope. Controlling would be demanding someone ‘’Shave that beard off’’ but OP isn’t saying that.

By the logic of some posters on here, it would be controlling to dump someone for doing all manner of things because it’s policing their autonomy. What a load of bullshit. If you met someone and over the course of your relationship they had gained 10 stone and it put you off sex, should you keep having it anyway?

Maybe OP would never have pursued the relationship in the first place if he had a beard when they met. If someone does something, they have to be prepared that that choice may have consequences. It’s not about controlling her DH, it’s about respecting her OWN boundaries.

Maybe instead of not having sex, she should just leave.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/07/2025 00:37

Mummyof3T · 18/07/2025 23:08

Thanks everyone, sorry I didn’t mean to come a cross as “emotionally abusive” and “controlling” I just don’t find a beard attractive even on the likes of Kit Harrington and David Tennant and I don’t like it on my husband. As someone mentioned below, food gets caught and fluff and its all over the place.

Same

BIossomtoes · 19/07/2025 08:19

Mummyof3T · 18/07/2025 23:08

Thanks everyone, sorry I didn’t mean to come a cross as “emotionally abusive” and “controlling” I just don’t find a beard attractive even on the likes of Kit Harrington and David Tennant and I don’t like it on my husband. As someone mentioned below, food gets caught and fluff and its all over the place.

You don’t come across like that at all. There are some people with very niche views on MN.

Shnuzzbucket · 19/07/2025 09:48

castleclass · 18/07/2025 19:26

Refusing sex for any reason you want is absolutely fine.

Using sex to try and control another persons facial hair is not fine.

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I dont want to have sex with a man while he has a beard.

Its up to him which he wants more. Sex or beard.

Are you saying that I am not allowed to say no to sex because I dont want to have sex with a man with a beard.

Shnuzzbucket · 19/07/2025 09:52

Itallcomesdowntothis · 18/07/2025 20:50

So you’d be okay if he said he absolutely hated your new hairdo and wasn’t attracted to you anymore and didn’t want to have sex with you?

I think you need some perspective.

Yes.

If he doesn't want to have.sex because he doesn't find me attractive with my new haircut...fine

castleclass · 19/07/2025 10:03

Shnuzzbucket · 19/07/2025 09:48

I dont want to have sex with a man while he has a beard.

Its up to him which he wants more. Sex or beard.

Are you saying that I am not allowed to say no to sex because I dont want to have sex with a man with a beard.

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Not at all. My comment was originally about a pp who said ‘reiterate in bed and prepare to refuse sexual activity’ - for me that turns saying no because you don’t want to have sex with a man who has a beard into trying to make him remove the beard in order to have sex. They are 2 very different things.

Anyone can refuse to have sex for whatever reason they like. Nobody should be saying ‘I won’t have sex with you until you change X/Y/Z about your body’

Zov · 19/07/2025 10:16

Needmorelego · 18/07/2025 23:56

But if he didn't want to have sex with you because he found hairy legs a complete turn off and it was really grossing him out - what would you do?
Just say "ok", keep the hairy legs and never have sex with him again?
That's my point - which is more important to you? Sex or hairy legs?
It's your decision - not his and you are correct - he can't tell you to shave them.
But he can also decide never to have sex with you again because the hairy legs really feels revolting to him.

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Well if a woman didn't have hairy legs for the first 10-15+ years of the relationship, then suddenly went all hairy, the man absolutely would have a right to be turned off by it and not want to be intimate.

That's the thing you see. If a man decides he wants a beard, 10, 15, 20 years or more after getting with/marrying a woman, (and after being clean shaven all those years,) then he should not be surprised when she is grossed out by it and doesn't want to get intimate with him.

As I said, my DH decided to grow a beard after 25 YEARS together, (and he had NEVER had a beard before,) I refused to have sex with him, or even kiss him. The beard went after 3 months. Yeah, it's his perogative to have it because 'his body his choice!' 🙄 But it's MY perogative to not have sex with him whilst he has said beard.

And HE used to fucking fiddle with his beard too. Fucking annoying!

MistyGreenAndBlue · 19/07/2025 19:24

Itallcomesdowntothis · 18/07/2025 20:50

So you’d be okay if he said he absolutely hated your new hairdo and wasn’t attracted to you anymore and didn’t want to have sex with you?

I think you need some perspective.

Realistically though, how likely is this to happen?
Not very I would guess.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 19/07/2025 19:26

Bluevelvetsofa · 18/07/2025 21:15

Some years ago I changed my hair colour to a deep auburn. I liked it and so did my hairdresser, but no one else did, including DH, who doesn’t usually have strong opinions on hair, clothes and make up.

He grew a beard which really didn’t suit him at all. We had a stand off and eventually he shaved off the beard and I went back to my usual hair colour. I don’t think he liked the beard at all. I liked my hair though. Compromise!

Your husband is a dick!

MistyGreenAndBlue · 19/07/2025 19:33

Needmorelego · 18/07/2025 19:07

If he didn't find hairy legs sexually attractive would you force him to have sex with you?
Because if he doesn't want to do it then that's rape.
You'd have to decide which in life is more of a priority for you.
Hairy legs or a sexual relationship with your husband.

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Stupid comment. Only men can rape in UK law for one thing. It requires a penis.
Am also curious as to how exactly this hypothetical woman is "forcing" a full grown man to have sex with her obnoxiously hairy legged self.

And let's face it, men don't turn down sex because of hairy legs (or hair colour or lack of mascara etc etc.) They just don't.

Needmorelego · 19/07/2025 19:52

@MistyGreenAndBlue sexual assault then.
I don't know the legalities - apologies.
My point is about priorities though - the (hairy legged) wife is unlikely to be able to physically force him but he can say no so no sex will happen.
If hairy legs are the womans priority over a sexual relationship with her husband - well that's up to her.

Zov · 19/07/2025 21:12

Good grief. 🙄