Beard

[Mummyof3T]

My husband of 12 years has grown a beard over the last 6 months and I hate it! It doesn’t suit him, it’s prickly, makes him look older than he is and it’s just gross. It puts me off wanting to do anything sexual. The issue is, he loves it! Says it suits him and refuses to get rid! Please help with any suggestions, I have tried everything!!

Imagine your husband telling you have to shave your legs 🙄

I love a man with a beard.

Can’t advise as I hate beards too. But they’re trendy so everyone seems to have one.

My husband has one, but he keeps it clipped very short, so it’s more like stubble. I don’t mind it.

My 25 year old has one. It’s jet black with a solid moustache. I loathe it. He’s so handsome and I feel it spoils him. (I don’t say any of this) All of his mates have beards, so it’s clearly a thing.

I'm not keen on beards and relieved DH doesn't have one. At the end of the day it's his decision though.

If he didn't find hairy legs sexually attractive would you force him to have sex with you?
Because if he doesn't want to do it then that's rape.
You'd have to decide which in life is more of a priority for you.
Hairy legs or a sexual relationship with your husband.

That's coercion ...

I'm with you OP. I hate facial furniture on men (or women 😂).

I'm not sure it is.
If someone doesn't find something sexy they just don't and shouldn't be expected to have sex if they don't want to.

Me too. I've never seen DH's naked chin.

Nope, that’s not what I said.

Refusing sex for any reason you want is absolutely fine.

Using sex to try and control another persons facial hair is not fine.

Ha ha, that's nuts. If he wants the beard, he gets the beard. He doesn't get to have sex with someone who doesn't want the beard. The talk of control and coercion is way OTT and dminishes genuine cases of control and coercion. Most married couples are mature enough to be able to have checks and balances, know what each other's hardlines are and work out what matters more to them. And as ever, the male/female flip doesn't work the same both ways. Plenty of husbands want sex more and would compromise on a beard to get it. Plenty of wives are fine to not have it if the beard puts them off or if their short/dyed hair/hairy legs/whatever puts the husband off. Everyone is different of course, but the women who are saying they'd not have sex if their husbands had a beard know their husbands well enough to know they wouldn't be onto the abuse hotline if beard/sex refusal happened.

My DH has a beard. I hate it

But I do respect his body autonomy so I keep my views to myself

As I said upthread, I’m not crazy about my husband’s beard. I’d never use it against him, but it does make snogging somewhat abrasive and we don’t do it for as
long as when he was clean shaven.

The talk of the braided beard is very much not a solution, makes me cringe, esp when there's beads in it. Very Hebden Bridge. It's a specific vibe which might be bang up someone's alley but not for everyone.

I understand - I hate a clean shaven face. I need some stubble at least. But I don't care for the overly long beards. When my ex shaved his face I felt less attracted to him. But it was his face so I would let him know what I preferred, he didn't care and so during those times there was less intimacy. It was his loss. 😂

But saying you won't have sex until they change IS

Same here. I know it's his face and he can do what he wants with it, but i have to admit I'd be disappointed if DH ever decided to get rid of the beard.

Team Beard. I’d make them compulsory! But, at the end of the day it’s his face and we have no more right to tell a man what to do with his body hair as they have telling us what to do with ours.

So if someone keeps saying no to sex (which is their right) what happens if their partner asks if there's a reason why (which to me a couple in a good relationship should be able to talk about these things).
In this scenario the answer would be "Actually.... it's that beard. I find it gross and it it puts me off finding you attractive".
So not insisting it has to be shaved off - but the husband would have to accept it's beard or sex.
As I said originally - he'd need to decide which one is more important to him.

I've always thought that a beard doesn't exactly say, "Come and get me" does it? So much face and neck that you cannot kiss or stroke, skin made deliberately unavailable. Enthusiastic oral sex is off the cards; beard rash on your chin is bad enough - best to keep the beard away from your bits. And I've noticed that the cultures which mandate beards for men are ones in which women have little or no agency. I suppose the women have to put up with them.

OP has said she finds it a turn off. It isn’t Lysistrata!

What exactly do you want us to do? Tell you a way of forcing him to get rid of it? He has a right to grow a beard on his own face if he chooses to, my husband has always had a beard and I wouldn't dream of telling him what to do with his own body by insisting he gets rid of it, imagine him telling you he doesn't like a part of you and tells you to change it would that be acceptable also?

I’m the exact opposite to you!

Beards remind me of Mr Twit 🤮 No beard is getting anywhere near my nethers and I’m not snogging anyone with a beard either, it makes me cringe. DH is clean shaven.
And no it’s not the same as me cutting my hair or shaving my legs. If I don’t cut my hair does it scratch his face if I kiss him, if I don’t shave my legs does it make him sore if I give him oral? Nope.